(Hell’s Broadcast Booth at the PA microphone)
Lucifer: Ok it’s time to start our auditions. McMahon you are up first.
Ed McMahon: Ok this should be easy. I mean I kissed Carson’s ass for those years how hard could it be to get on the right side of Lucifer.
Lucifer: Yeah, yeah shithead. You know this is hell and there is no beer. Just Evian water. That I pissed in. Just read the stuff in front of you before I send you over to talk to Oscar Wilde. He likes pudgy Irishmen.
Ed McMahon: Right away Chief…. (He hits microphone) ATTENTION!! ATTENTION ALL THE TOURTURED SOULS IN HELL….a few announcements. Will Leona Helmsly report to the main dormitory, you have to make the beds and clean the toilets of all the demons who have currently been suffering from diarrhea……Will Jim Morrison, Janis Joplin and Jimi Hendricks please report to the opera room where they will be listening to twenty four hours straight of the Ring of the Neiberlung performed by Jimmy Durante accompanied by six Mormons on the kazoo….Will Maria Callas, Salairi and Bach please report to the rumpus room where they will be listening to twenty four hours straight of Tupac and the Notorious Big rap the collected works of Whodini….and will Jefferson Davis, John C Calhoun and Orvil Farbus report to the TV room where they will be listening to an endless loop of Barack Obama’s address to the school children of America…Thank you.
Lucifer: Not bad McMahon. I will take it under advisement. Now follow this demon, you will be spending the rest of the day giving enemas to Clydesdales. Oh and Eleanor Roosevelt.
Ed McMahon: No chief No….please not Eleanor Roosevelt…she bites with those big fucking horse teeth….. (Two demons drag him away, kicking and screaming)
Lucifer: This is going to take a while.
6 comments:
I'm not sure if I should be awestruck at your ability to bring out the hysterical humor in the most mudane of topics or be trembling in terror.
And you an accountant,
Hey Trooper,, did you get the dressing room cams set up for D's visit? We're standing by.
I think these try-outs are a sham. You know Satan is just waiting for Fran Drescher to drop, then she'll get the job.
Michael,
In a cruel stroke of fate, TY was called out of town just as Darcy was coming in.
So Darcy's stuck in NYC with nothing to wear. Tragic, real--
Waitminute.
When Fran waltzed into the waiting room, all the other applicants put down their pencils and went back to their cubbies.
Why does Satan need a new announcer? Who was the old one?
[you need to start a newsletter so we can keep up with your story lines- that would be a 4th job for you]. Heh.
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