Laura Bush's Diary

So I was talking on the phone with Nancy Reagan and we were discussing if I should turn over the Traveling First Ladies Underpants to Michelle. You see I have been holding on to them to decide if I want to give them to her. We usually take a vote of all the living first ladies who know about it before we make a decision. You see not every first lady gets possession of them. I wanted to get a consensus of opinion before I passed them on.

Now Betty Ford was all for it. She wanted Michelle to get the Underpants and was vocal in her opinion. Of course she was high when she said it so you have to take it with a grain of salt. I mean after 911 she wanted W to invade Israel. She spends all her time doing meth and posting under her sock puppet name of Cedarford. But she voted aye on Michelle and it still counts.

Nancy had finally decided to vote yes too and she told me in this phone conversation. Michelle had her over to the White House and assured her that Barry would never bad mouth Ronnie again. Which is really all Nancy cared about. Oh and her astrologer told her Uranus was in a black phase rising which she took to mean we should give it to Michelle because her ass was getting bigger each and every day.

That left Hillary and she is totally against it. She hates Michelle and Barry with a passion that is actually funny to see. She thought she was actually going to get to do something as Secretary of State but Barry is passing her jobs out left and right. I mean Mitchell is doing the Middle East and Holbrooke is doing Pakistan and even Bill gets to play patty cake with North Korea. Plus he got a blow job from Lucy Liu 's sister. The only thing left for Hillary is good will tours of Who-gives-a-fuck-a-stan. So she is pissed. She has been lobbying to deny Michelle the sacred underpants. So that leaves it all up to me.

So I hang up with Nancy and I hear W laughing his ass off on the porch. I go out to see what it is all about and I see he is reading the Washington Post. I ask him what’s so funny and he tells me he has been reading the style column by that Robin Givhan bitch. W has suddenly gotten into fashion. I think it is just because he has been watching Project Runway all the time because he thinks Heidi Klum is really hot. Of course German broads always get him excited. Even that Merkel cow gave him a chubbie.

Anyhoo it seems ol’ Robin is dissing Michelle’s fashion choices which is kind of mean. I mean she is very tall and muscular and all so she doesn’t like all that dainty stuff. She has an athlete’s body and that just burns Hillary’s ass too. So I don’t hold her fashion choices against her.

But Hillary doesn’t give up easy. She emailed all of us this photo of Michelle without make-up while she was out jogging. Hillary is bitching that Michelle is the only one with the balls to cut her out of the play. And she means balls literally! She is demanding that they do a sex test before I give over the underpants. I mean is that nice or what?

I hate when these bitch’s fight.