Marilyn's Diary

It was very difficult for me to lie to my Aunt Lily. You see she had been very kind to me. She took me in when my parents were killed in that unfortunate incident in the old country with the villagers with the torches and pitchforks. She tried to act like a mother to me. Or at least as much as a vampire/succubus could be motherly. You know sort of like Big Kathy Hilton.

After a while she started to catch on. You see Uncle Herman was bascilly an honest monster and he found it hard to hide the fact that we were having hot monkey sex all the time. So sometimes he would make a remark or do something at the dinner table that would make Aunt Lily look at him askance. Then she would keep closer track of him and not go out at night to feed on the dezians of Sunset Blvd.

That was the worst.

You see Uncle Herman couldn't come to my room. I was devastated. You see once I had tasted sex I couldn't get enough of it. I had to have it all the time. So Uncle Herman came up with a solution.

You see since he was made up of spare parts everything was detachable. He would detach his penis and give it to me to pleasure myself with when he couldn't come to my room. He would place it in the breakfast platter of sausages and hand it down the table and I would slip it under my dress. I don't know if Aunt Lilly ever caught on.

But ever since then whenever I hear a Jimmy Dean song I get wet.