Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Car 54 where are you!


So we had a lot of excitement today. We were home working on some email stuff while the new maid was working in the house. We couldn't leave her alone since we just met her so we were hanging around while she cleaned. So our one employee was by herself.

Now she is the crunchy granola vegetarian hipster girl who is the only one we have left after the massive firings due to the thefts that we were having. I tell her to keep the door locked and only let in people who look respectable if I am not there. So of course she has to let in this guy. Let's call him a Canadian. Now she doesn't want to be considered a racist so she lets this Canadian in. He tries to confuse her. Takes a card. asks about the price of a pocket book. Gets her to turn around. And steals her I-phone off of the counter.

Now she doesn't notice this till a couple of hours later. She tells me about this guy when we come in and how weird he was. I told her not to let Canadians in but she didn't listen. Then she goes looking for her phone and realizes that he stole it. Hilarity ensuses.

We call the precient to ask that they send someone over to get the report. You see we went to the videotape and we have a tape of his face and the actual theft where you see him take it off the table. We then trace the I-phone. The douche turned it on and was in an address that we found on Google maps that we took a screenshot of to verify where he was at that moment with the phone. I keep calling to ask when the cops are gonna show up. They come two hours later. First a dumpy team of a Spanish dude and an Indian chick come in to take the report. I tell them I have a tape that I show them and tell they we know where the guy is right now. They don't care. They finally agree to call for a sergeant who comes in and four other cops come in as well. They don't care either. They tell us that they will pass it on to the detectives who will call us in a couple of days.

I say "Look I am handing you guys an easy collar. You have a tape of the guy commiting the crime and the address where he was a few hours ago. And you aren't going to do anything?" Yep. They shrugged.

So when the granola girl goes to get the police report I am going to go with her and ask to talk to the Captain. Not that is gong to matter. But you have to say something.

To be continued.

18 comments:

Chip S. said...

Really, what kind of service do you expect for the pittance you NYers pay in taxes?

windbag said...

Someone tossed a beer bottle through our window one night. I called the police to get a report in case I needed it. Probably not, since it wouldn't cost more than the insurance deductible, but you never know, so I called them.

Anyway, the hot blonde one came and filled out the paperwork. I asked her a couple of years later if they ever found the guy who did it. I don't think she was amused. Looked like I was slagging her for not doing her job. I was just making a joke out of a lousy situation.

I honestly think I'd be sitting in jail if I were in your shoes. Incompetence on that level would drive me to do things that everyone in the room would regret.

chickelit said...

I had no idea that John Kerry was actor before he went into politics.

The Dude said...

I would have expected the precient to predict that theft. You do have them in NYC now, right? I saw the movie...

MamaM said...

I may be late to the party with something everyone but me has seen before but my nephew sent the link yesterday as something he thought I'd enjoy and we proceeded to pepper the evening with heart felt crescendos of "dias-ah-point-ed!"s Very cathartic.

ndspinelli said...

"Good enough for government work." Always remember, cops are bureaucrats w/ guns.

The Dude said...

They have union protection too - the union makes the mafia look like amateurs.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

If you want some action from the cops in NYC, mention that you think the guy might have a gun. Or a big slurpee.

Michael Haz said...

You don't have the decal?

Hereabouts the police raise funds for their various puropses. If you donate $100 or more you receive a decal with a police badge on it and the logo of the Fraternal Order of Police or some such organization.

The decal affixed to the lower right rear window of one's car is protection against minor speeding and parking infractions.

Store owners who have the decal somewhere on the front door get much better service dealing with petty crimes than stores without the decal.

ricpic said...

Precient precinct Captains all agree --
Why send one Mick when you can send three
Protecteds to not do the job with vibrancy?

Michael Haz said...

And now for a musical interlude.

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

You should have told the cops the dude was a smoker. That might have fired them up too.

Although Michael Haz suggestion of donating to the cops union and getting the decal always helps.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

You see....we have no expectation of police/sheriff protection here, so we are not disappointed when it doesn't happen.

If we did need a cop, they are miles and miles and hours away, so people just plan to take care of what they can by themselves. Fortunately, we don't have much in the way of crime. Maybe because criminals have better things to do elsewhere. Or because they know that practically everyone is armed......and the river is just below the bluff and the fish can be hungry...and ...those back roads with the banjos subtly playing in the background are also a deterrent.

:-)

Titus said...

I AM TRAVELING CONSTANTLY NOW. I WAS IN DC AND PRINCETON THIS WEEK. I HATE TRAVELING. THE ENTIRE AIRLINE EXPERIENCE IS GROSS. TECHNOLOGY ALL AROUND ME. FELLOW BUSINESS TRAVELERS I WANT TO BEAT UP, THEY ARE HIDEOUS. THE ACCENTS I HEAR AND WHAT THEY ARE SAYING ON THEIR CELLS IS DISGUSTING.

I MAKE 190K AND IT IS WHAT I HAVE TO DO.

I WAS MAKING MORE IN THE 90'S IN MY 20'S. THE NEXT FOUR YEARS I WILL BE MAKING MORE BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS GOING TO TAKE OFF.

NEXT WEEK I AM IN OAKLAND AND CHICAGO AND WILL NEED TO PREPARE MYSELF FOR LISTENING TO ADDITIONAL BULLSHIT AT THE AIRPORTS.

I WANT MY PARENTS SIMPLE LIFE.

I WANT TO BE HOME WITH MY DOG.

HOW DOES SOMEONE LIVE OFF OF 75K A YEAR.

TITS.

Titus said...

MY HUSBAND DOES THE SAME SHIT AND MAKES 260K A YEAR AND HE HATES IT.

WE JUST WANT TO LIVE IN VERMONT AND BE COMFORTABLE.

LESS STRESS PLEASE. WE ARE WILLING TO LIVE A MORE "COMMON" LIFE.

BUT WE LIVE IN LARGE EXPENSIVE CITIES AND IN ORDER TO SURVIVE WE NEED TO MAKE THIS KIND OF MONEY.

TITS.

MamaM said...

Titus, with the money you earn, why is it you don't get your keyboard cleaned or spring for a replacement???

Whatever was jamming the "A" appears to have oozed over into the Caps LOck. If you don't take care of this soon, a Shift change may happen next with total loss of Control to follow.

Chip S. said...

If only it was the Delete key that was stuck.

ricpic said...

THE NEXT FOUR YEARS I WILL BE MAKING MORE BECAUSE THE ECONOMY IS GOING TO TAKE OFF...is delusional. Hey, more power to you if you make more but how is the economy going to take off in the face of gale force winds courtesy Barry & Co?