We have been trying to eat at home because we want to save some dough but we always seem to have to go out to eat. On Election Day we farted around and didn't get to the polls till late. We ended up spending about an hour on line so I didn't feel like going home to cook so we decided to go out. And we decided to try a new joint on Smith St since Lisa complains that I always want to go to the same places all the time.
Big mistake.
Not the biggest that was made on Election Day but pretty big all the same.
We went to this place called Ciro's. It is an Italian joint on the same block as an old favorite "The Red Rose."
It looked plausable. I mean it had a decent menu. The girl in front of us in line at the polling place said she like it. And it was owned by the hoods who owned the Bagel Store on the corner. So we thought they would get it right. Big mistake.
First the waiter was a hipster dofuos guy in a flannel shirt. When we sit down we decide to order a bottle of wine on their very mininalist wine list on the back of the laminated menu. That is always a bad sign. He had no idea what he was doing. He seemed to have never used a corkscrew before. As he is fumbling with it the other waiter who seemed to be in charge came over. He goes "Oh so you are having a bottle of wine." I laugh to put the kid at ease and go "Eventually." The other guy laughs because I know him from the bagel store and walks away.
The kid goes "Thanks for not complaining" as he spills some wine in front of both our glasses. "It is my first day waiting." Lisa goes "Ever?" He goes "No just in this place. I used to work in Applebee's in Wisconsin or some shit like that there. But now I am working in an upscale Eyetalian restaurant."I go "Oh shit garage's kid." He goes "No I don't live in a garage." I go "Never mind."
So he pours a taste. But he is so nervous he pours one in each glass. For both of us to taste. What if we didn't agree? Jeez.
We order riceball's and a plate of olives. The olives were great. A good variety and plenty of them in a vingear sauce. But the rice balls? Wow they were bad. How can you fuck up a rice ball.
They looked good. Deep fried golden brown crust. But when you bit into them they had chunks of pancetta and a overwhelming amount of Gorgonzola. You couldn't taste the rice in the fucking rice ball. What the fuck.This happens when the chef is too in love with himself. He wants to "re-invent" the rice ball. So he makes it all fancy and shit. You ain't fuckin Emeril or the chick with the nice tits whose father used to make crappy disaster movies. I mean he doesn't want to make a rice ball that you can get in the pizzeria. Hey douchenozzle that's the fuckin' rice ball I want to eat. Rice. Peas. Sauce. Mozzarella. What the fuck? Don't over think it. Don't "Improve" it. It's a fuckin' riceball. It is supposed to be greasy goodness. Not freaking pancetta and cheese you gavone.
It was so bad the wife wouldn't even eat more than half of one. There were six of them so I had to eat about five and a half of them. As Sgt Quincannon said when they had to destroy the whiskey in the sutlers in Fort Apache "It 's a man's job we have before us this day boyo!"
The we had to get our main course. We decided to get hero sandwiches. Lisa the chicken parm and me the meatball. They came with an arugula salad and some fried zucchini sticks. Lisa takes one bite and spits it out. Literally right on the plate. She goes "I take one bite and I get grizzle....you know I hate grizzle." You see she is used to me cooking or top notch stuff like at Marco Polo or Enoteca. So this didn't cut the mustard. Or the marinara sauce. So I gave her half of my meatball hero and she ate that. It was a mediocre sandwich sort of like what you would get at Subway or Quinzo's. Not worth the price we were being charged but waddayagonnado.
The poor kid kept coming back to see how we were doing by we didn't want to spoil his first time. Unlike all those bitches whose first time got spoiled by voting for the Jug Eared Jesus. We got the check and got out of Dodge.
What a waste. A waste of money. A waste of calories. A waste of time.
Ciro's. Not recommended.
15 comments:
Didn't Cher used to haqng around at Ciro's?
The "chick with the nice tits whose father used to make crappy disaster movies" would have made a great "whose that girl" except now we know she's Irwin Allen's daughter.
Nice photo, Troop, you may have some talent there. Did you get a new camera?
Did the new waiter come over and ask "How are things so far?"
That just drives me up a wall.
They learn that at Applebees.
Did the new waiter come over and ask "How are things so far?"
"Grizzly" as an answer might result in a momentary patter pause.
The double wine taste made me laugh.
Trooper, Kudos to you for giving the kid a break. Having worked many jobs in my life, I remember how anxiety ridden one can be the first few days. I also remember the people who saw that and were gracious, and the people who were pricks. Being a positive person, I take my cue from the kind souls and respond as you did. You're a good soul. Good karma.
Yeah, I don't think Dino ever made a disaster movie.
Well, "Barbarella" was a disaster, but you know what I mean.
Really?
Didn't he have a hand in "The Towering Inferno."
Plus that "Once Upon A Time in America" gangster movie with Deniro was a giant fucking disaster. Just sayn'
He made the 1976 version of King Kong, which, other than the wardrobe department's inability to provide foundational garments for Jessica Lange, was a disaster.
John Belushi, rest his soul, did a great contemporaneous bit on SNL about that movie.
Gordon Ramsay is visiting Sal's Pizzeria and Mama Maria's Restaurant on Kitchen Nightmares this evening.
If you haven't eaten there, don't. If you have, get your stomach pumped.
Holy shit. I missed it.
I am going to have a big post about it Sixty. I have eaten there many times. In fact I did a "Remembrance of Things Pabst" about it.
Here is the post about Sal's and "Mama Maria's" that was featured on Kitchen Nightmares.
Dude was pukin' his guts out after eating rotten lobster. That's not the best review a joint can get. But it is honest.
Dude was pukin' his guts out after eating rotten lobster. That's not the best review a joint can get. But it is honest.
Not to sound shellfish, but there's also Leviticus 11:9-12
They load the dice in this show.
In one of them they put meat and broken eggs behind a counter to rot. They planted it so Ramsey could find it and go crazy.
He was a fool to go on this show.
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