I got the Chalice!

Our cousin Anthony is about to become ordained as a priest and he stopped off to show us his new chalice that he just got from the chalice store. It is a beauty. It has representations of Jesus, Mary and Joseph and some rubies and a cross on it made of Amethyst.

He used to be an FBI agent but he retired and became a Priest. We are going to his first Mass in a couple of weeks before he goes down to Delaware to get his parish assignment. He is having a party where half the people will be FBI agents and the other half Mafia guys he arrested.

The wife thinks she will get a discounted penance but I wouldn't count on that.

More Men in Black Bullshit!

So they filmed a scene last night. What they filmed was a chase scene as a bunch of sixties vintage cars rolled down Court St and two stunt men on a motorcyle went the wrong way up Court St. For some reason they are setting in Queens. I think because they had filmed in Flushing Meadow Park.

Here they set up a phony subway stop on the corner of my block. It says "Elmhurst" station and has sixties era signage. It is made out of wood and the blue paper is for the CGI to put something in ....maybe some aliens?

Here is the funny part. As we were walking down the street to the Mexican restauarnt after we closed the store they kept stopping us as they filmed. Which I didn't like too much and I gave them a hard time. Now they has a bunch of people hanging around on the street wearing period costumes. They doubled as crowd control and as extras. One black dude was there all dressed in a sixties style with a hipster sixties hat and all. So I go to him "Dude who is the technical advisor on this flick...he fucked it all up." He goes 'What do you mean?" " I go "Dude ....in the 1960's ....you weren't allowed on Court St. Just sayn'"

The wife punched me for that one.

Tales of Amy's Garden

Pipkin: [while all are digging in the rain] What's happening back home, I wonder? Remember, when we lived in our old burrow? Dry, soft, warm bodies huddled together in a pile...
Dandelion: [to Hazel] Look, we can't go on like this. There is just too much to do here in the new burrow. We could be lazy in the old burrow. Like rabbits should be.
Silver: It keeps getting worse and worse. No matter how much we dig nobody is happy. They just keep complaining that we don’t do enough. How many holes can we make in one day?
Hazel: It won't be much longer, then we can all rest. You know we have big plans. Once we get the burrow just right we will have a lot of help. I promise.
Silver: How MUCH longer?
Pipkin: We never should have left.
Blackberry: Suppose Fiver's all wrong? Suppose we should have stayed at the old burrow.
Pipkin: Do you want to go back and find out.
Hazel: Go back? After all we've been through? I don’t think so. I mean we can go for a visit but we don’t want to live there. You don’t remember all the bad things. You remember how she liked to have a few drinks and start fights with all the people in the garden. I know she likes her cocktails.
Bigwig: That’s’ right. Everyone is always fighting over there. And people are always leaving and saying they will never come back. The lady who owns the garden is always getting in fights with everyone. She made that woodpecker leave and take all his holes with him. And the senile old cat left to live in the Hamptons and lick himself in the sun. She even got in a fight with a ghost and a cockroach. Who fights with a cockroach?
Hazel: She does like to stir things up. She is always talking about some Eskimo Lady and all these people that started a band in the city banging drums and stuff. The regular things that happen have gone by the wayside. Nobody waters the flowers. She doesn’t nibble on a nice carrot like she used to. And I guess nobody wants to munch on her lettuce anymore.
Dandelion: I don’t know this lady. What is she like?
Bigwig: It’s hard to describe. She likes to show off but then she gets mad when people talk about what she is doing. It’s hard to understand. She is not like rabbits. Rabbits just do it and don’t worry about who is watching. As long it is not elil.
Pipkin: Well you should be fair. She has her friends. And the farmer who lives with her now. I think he said that he likes to toss her lettuce.
Dandelion: Ewwwwwwww!!!
Hazel: Yes it is true. She always sat around showing everything to everyone. That is why so many people would stop by. It was very crowded. But there were a lot of arguments and fights. Rabbits like it peaceful. Maybe it will be better for rabbits now. Things could change for the better. Bigwig, you can lead a patrol over there soon. Then we will know what to do.

Tyler Perry's White House of Pain

(Family quarters, upstairs at the White House at the breakfast table)
Michelle Obama: Hello momma. Hello Auntie Madea. I need some coffee please.
Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) Child you look terrible. What’s the matter? Is that no account husband keeping you up all night with his foolishness?Michelle Obama: Now Mama don’t start, I had to help with the crises.
Marian Robinson: What crises? Did we run out of waffles again?
Michelle Obama: No it’s all the problems we have been having. He is having a problem with the Jews and that Bibi has been all mean to him. And he is going to Poland and that nasty Pollack union guy won’t meet with him. It’s just not fair. Don’t they know they are just supposed to shut up and do what we say. I mean we won the election.
Madea: Don’t be a damn fool Michelle. You can’t get people to do what you want just by wishing for it. You have to grab what you want with both hands. Right Crack?
Crack Emcee: Dat’s right Madea. Just don’t be grabbing me so tight. You brusied up little Crack and now he be all sore and tender.
Marian Robinson: Damn straight Madea. I remember how you handled it back in the day. Rough. That’s the way a real man likes it.
Madea: Dat how I do. When I saw that Macho Response blog I emailed this devil and invited this boy to visit me in the White House. And now he be having waffles with us this morning.
Michelle Obama: I wondered who was making all that noise last night. I thought maybe we bombed another cave and got a terrorist or something.
Madea: He was bombing a cave allright.
Michelle Obama: No you didn’t!
Madea: Yes I did. Yes he did. Now we have to help him. Have that skinny half a cracker husband of yours call up that Instapundit pussy and put him on the computer right quick or I will make his life a misery.
Michelle Obama: I will pass it along Auntie.
Marian Robinson: You do that honey. Now have some waffles before that fool wakes up and hogs them all. Crack. Get off you lazy ass and make us some waffles before I smack you ass silly.

On the other hand.

Some of us are born to be stars.

I get to carry the can

And the coats and the drinks and the pocketbook. Even when we are on Broadway.

Some of us are born to schelp.

Beans will be spilled

But not just yet. But very soon. Stay tuned.

The Duck Pack is Back.

The Ducks love the Ratpack lifestyle. They are always stealing my cigars and scotch. They can get pretty rowdy when they decide it is time to party.

There is nothing worse than a fucked up duck.

Memories

We recently had a leak in our back room which we use for storage in our apartment. When we took everything out the wife came upon some of her photo's and she started a project of putting together her photos.

Here she is with her brothers in Prospect Park in 1969.

Hey we can't wait to go see Bridesmaids

We can't wait to go see Bridesmaids. Well I can wait but the wife went with me to Thor so I have to even it up. Plus Melissa McCarthy is in it and got great reviews. She is one of our favorites. So next week it will be back to Astoria to check it out.

More Men in Black bullshit!

Well it looks like they are shutting down Court St for two nights to film this movie. The location scout came by and offered $400 to turn on the lights and an additional $200 to have someone stay in the store to keep the gates up. They are going to digitalized the fronts of the stores anyway so it is all bullshit. I am leaving my gates down but I will leave the lights on.

The problem is of course that no one can park anywhere or the cops will tow you away. They are starting that at 4pm so that screws with my customers who might want to drive by on Saturday. It is just unnecessary bullshit. They said they have already spent $500 million on the movie and they are just getting started. What a mess.

I'm not a jealous guy!

But they made a big fuss when John Lennon came to the store.

It's time for another vacation!

I need to get away like I did when we went to Puerto Rico over the holidays.

For the Roses

The Ducks helped clean the backyard yesterday and were enjoying the roses we clipped and put thoughout the house.

Movie Memories Number 7

God Bless those puppies.

Movie Memories Number 6

You will be between the Mormons and the Midgets. To be sure.

Movie Memories Number 5

I have my eyes on you M.

Movie Memories Number 4

Sgt. 'Mac' MacChesney: It just goes to show you what a piece of dry goods will do

Movie Memories Number 3

First Sgt. Festus Mulcahy: [after Co. Thursday has told the soldiers to destroy the contraband "whiskey"] "Destroy it," he says. Well, boys, we've a man's work ahead of us this day.

Movie Memories Number 2

Captain Nathan Brittles: You got a breath on you like a hot mince pie.
Top Sergeant Quincannon: Ah, Captain darlin'. As you well know I took "the pledge" after Chapultepec.
Captain Nathan Brittles: And Bull Run, and Gettysburg, and Shiloh, and St. Patrick's Day, and Fourth of July!

Movie Memories Number 1

Gypo Nolan: And now the British think I'm with the Irish, and the Irish think I'm with the British. The long and short of it is I'm walkin' around without a dog to lick my trousers!

Whose that girl....dressing room edition

Whose that girl.....we have used her before....but a lot of people can say that....I will say she is from sunny California.....and she hasn't aged well.

Tennis anyone?

Just kidding dudes. Keep your eye one the ball....err.....you know what I mean.

She tried to explain....

But I was kinda distracted. So to speak.

Pumpkinhead wins by a mile!

I think that Pumpkinhead Randy Travis guy will win American Idol tonight. He really does have a great country voice and all he needs is a few divorces, some drug abuse, a few dui's and having his dog die to become George Jones for the new century.

Good luck dude.

Boringheads sucks donkey dick. Just sayn'

So the blogger lady has a post about boringheads where they offer to pay to keep her from being part of their site. I mean why would you want to be part of the mess that those pompous douchenozzles run over there?

You can say a lot of stuff about the evil blogger lady but one thing is for sure. She believes in the first amendment and does not censor or delete or ban people because of what they have to say about anything. I really admire that and try to follow her example. That is why so many diverse viewpoints are welcome her at Trooper York.

Of course we mainly talk about tits and sandwiches but hey it's the policy that counts.

It ain't worth $400

So they are filming Men In Black 3 on Court St on Friday and Saturday nights. The location scout is going around and offering everyone $400 to leave their lights on and their iron gates up all night as they are filming from 8pm to 6am in the morning.

Now I have gates for a reason. I have a lot of valuable stuff in the store. Jewerly, clothing and accesories. That's why I have an alarm. An alarm that will go off if some one touches my window. That is why I have the metal gates on the store. Now they are lattice work gates so you can see in so the light will show through. When I talked to the guy he said they might pay me to have someone stay in the store overnight. I don't want to do that. If someone did it would be me. My wife won't go for it as we have never slept apart since we were married and I ain't going to start for some stupid movie. Plus they can digitalize out the gates if they want. Nelson at the bodega next store told them to screw off. I think I will do the same if I can't leave the gates down. I don't need the publicity. They can digitalize me out.

What would youse guys do?

Sams slice was great!

In my recap I forgot to give my review of Sam's slice. It was great the prototypical Brooklyn Slice. Made in a steel two decker oven it is made with Polly O cows milk mozzarella, olive oil and San Marizano tomato sauce that was cooked before it was put on the slice. The sauce had traces of basil and garlic and was quite sweet to the taste. Easy to fold and great to eat it is the perfect "Brooklyn Slice."

We are going back tonight for some more.

The Pizza Bus is back in Town!

So we went on the Pizza Tour and I have to say it was pretty great. I had low expectations because it was run by a very entusahitic hipster named Scott Wiener but I to have to admit he knew his pizza.

We started at Lombardi's which was were pizza was invented. The first pizza shop to be licensed as such they are the shop from which all other pizza stores sprung. Which is appropriate as they are on Spring Street. They had a coal burning brick oven and we got to go to the back and see the oven in operation. The slice was made with California Tomatoes, Cows milk mozzarella and was very tasty if slightly undercooked for my taste. Your basic Margarita pizza. A superior slice and well worth the visit if you are interested in the history of pizza.

Then we went to Luzzo's on First Avenue which had a wood burning oven. This Neapolitan slice was much sweeter as they used Buffalo Milk mozzarella and tomatoes from San Marinzano in Italy. The slice tasted much sweeter and lighter and is highly recommended in my book.

Next we jumped on the bus to Brooklyn which is pretty funny because I thought we were going to the Bronx. I don't get to the Bronx all that often so I was looking forward to some new joints but they changed the tour at the last minute.

So where do we go but to J&V Pizza which is just like a million other pizza joints in the city. The funny thing is that it is right across the street from the OTB where the wife used to work and the owners used to come in all the time and bet their asses off and lose the weeks take. They served a Grand Ma square slice that was very crunchy and not up to the rest of the slices. They had other slices that were better but the one they picked was not up to par.

But the joker in the deck, the O Henry ending is the last stop. Sams in Carroll Gardens. Three blocks from the store. I go on a tour to see history and they bring me to my house. You see I grew up with Louie who owns the joint since we were pissing our diapers on Tompkins Place where we both born. I haven't been in there in about twenty five years. Now I know I had a beef with him but I forget what it was. It was either the time his cat sat on my veal cutlet ptarmigan or the time he was screaming at his 90 year old waiter and my buddy's wife got all upset. I don't remember which. So I haven't gone in there in years. So we pull up in the bus and we all get off and we walk in the joint. Louie looks at me and goes "You live in the neighborhood forty freaking years and you have to take a bus here?" Hey waddayagonnado?

Oh the tour guide was shitting his pants. Louie and I growled at each other a while but it was no big deal. We have been friends for over fifty years after all. I honestly don't go down that part of Court St anymore so I really just forgot about it. I promised I would be back soon. So things got back to normal and we caught up on the news of all the old timers we used to know. Who was dead. Who was in jail. Whatever. Old times.

We could have just gone home but we rode the bus back with our friends to have dessert in Little Italy. It was a fun day. I recommend the tour if you are in NYC. The kid who runs it is cool. You will have fun.

Don't get thrown under the pizza bus!

We are playing hooky tomorrow and going on the Pizza Bus Tour. This friend of ours is involved in pitching a reality show about this guy who goes to different pizza stores in the city and they invited us to go on the pizza bus tour. We are hitting a few joints in Manhattan and the Bronx which is cool because I don't get to the Bronx all that much.

So I will be out of touch and away from the computer.

Play nice.

We had an exceptionally busy day!

Just so Penny will feel relieved, we had an exceptionally busy day today and sold tons of dresses.

Lots of new customers and I was way too busy to post all that much.

I was totally wrong...again!

The Warriors Three were a huge part of the new Thor movie. Along with the goddess Sif they played major roles. And my man Volstagg was played by Ray Stevenson the dude from "Rome." Way cool.

We had a "Ferris Buellar" day yesterday where we took off and played hookie all day. Our good friends came over for lunch and we decided on the spur of the moment to go to the movies. I had wanted to see Thor so we went to see it in 3D and it was great. It is amazing with computerized special effects can do these days. All of your favorties were in it like Loki and Hemidal and the Warriors Three.

Now I can't wait for the Captain America movie.

The ducks won't take off their glasses?

They loved Thor in 3D but they don't want to take off the glasses. Plus they quacked through the whole movie. I hate when they do that.

The Warriors Three don't make the cut

My three favorite charaters in the Thor comic book don't seem to make the cut.

Fandral the Dashing, Hogun the Grim and my favorite Volstagg don't get a mention. I always loved when they helped out Thor in "Tales of Asgard."

Volstagg was my favorite. I bet you can guess why.

The New Anna Lucia Dresses are In.

I call this the Donna Reed dress. Or more often the June Cleaver dress. When a woman puts it on their husbands always love it and I tell them that famous line:
"Ward don't be so hard on the beaver."

We sold six of the them the first day they were in the store.

Keepin' it real yo!

Luke Cage was the man.

That's why the Crack Emcee is stealing all Lukes best rants for his blog.

He is retro macho baby.

When a Superhero asks for a poll well you just have to do it.

One of our superhero's has called for a poll. Our very own reader-i-am said the topic of superheros called for a poll. And here it is.

Which is you favorite depiction of a Superhero by the artist who defined the character?

Thor by Jack Kirby

Green Lantern by Gil Kane

Spiderman by Steve Ditko

Batman by Gil Kane

Luke Cage by Jack Kirby

These are in my opinion the best drawings of Superheros that I loved and I would love to find out which one is your favorite.

(Don't you love how Luke stole the Crack Emcee's threads)

But he's the mighty Thor, God of Thunder!

I can't wait to catch the "Thor" movie. Thor was one of my favorite comics when I was a kid and I never thought they would be able to make it into a movie. I hear that they kind of changed the origin story which sucks because I thought that was one of the best ones in comic history. When Odin put Thor's memories into Donald Blake and he found the walking stick/hammer it was pretty cool. They seem to have kept some elements of it but discarded others.

I especially loved the Jack Kirby version of the "Tales of Asgard" which were just about my favorite comics of all time. I even tried my hand at some fan fiction when I was in my early teens. But there wasn't the outlets like they have now with Baen books and what not. Who knows if I could have pursued that things could have turned out really different.

Anyhoo, check out our valued friend and commenter Blakes's review of the movie. He knows his movies.

Oh and he knows that pose.

French Douchenozzle rapes maid!

Hey they love Jerry Lewis.

What more do you need to know.

RIP Harmon you were a class act

Harmon Killebrew passed away. He was one of my favorite baseball players from the sixties. He was a guy you just respected. He used to come into the stadium with Tony Oliva and Jim Kitty Kaat and play the Yankees. You could never get too upset at the Twins. They weren't assholes like the Red Sox or their fans. Or self satisfied douchenozzles like the Orioles.

There were always certain guys you could respect on the other team back in the day. Al Kaline. Norm Cash. Frank Howard. Tony Oliva. Rod Carew. Harmon Killebrew.

I didn't get to see the great National Leaguers like Willie Mays, Hank Aaron, Roberto Clemente and Willie Stargel. They were great in their own ways too but they played the dog ass Mets.

Harmon was the epitome of class. He was a slugger but he ran everything out. He wasn't the greatest fielder. In fact he was born to be a DH. But he always gave it his all and was a true Hall of Famer.

Condolences to his family and may he rest in peace.

The Dubious Case of the Disappearing Douchebag

My dear Holmes,

It is your most humble petitioner, Inspector Lestrade. It has been some time since I have last requested you assistance in the troubling matter of the not so recent disappearance of Lord Douchebag. This curious case has dragged on and on. It seems to have escaped the notice of so many who claimed the deepest interest and concern, but who have gone on as though nothing had happened. But there some new and troubling developments made it such that I thought I might contact you as we have not corresponded about this matter for many months.

As I had previously noted in my last missive, I or my agents have attended many of the salons of the noted conversationalist and dilettante Lady Chatterley where Lord Douchebag was a frequent and much valued guest. In fact it has been told to me that the Lady in question has often referred to him as wonderful. What is most striking is that his name has not passed the lips of any of the many participants for lo these many months and it is as if he never existed. But now an even more inexplicable event has transpired. The entire salon has disappeared.

Inspector Gregson had informally visited the salon over the past few months to see if he might develop some leads. Or at least that was his stated purpose. In actual fact he had continued his visits because of a strange friendship he had struck up with a young follower of Lady Chatterley who shared his interests in exotic spaniels and defecation. But it seems his new friend had spurned him due to his burgeoning relationship with a sepoy who had recently been detailed to Devonshire from his regiment in Delhi. This caused Gregson to leave in a huff. None the less he still maintained some correspondence with some of the other members of this obscure cult. And now it seems that have all disappeared. All of the fops, dandies, toadies and lickspittles have disappeared along with Lady Chatterley and her lover the erstwhile gardener. They have left no forwarding address or other means of contacting them. It is passing strange that they would flee and leave nothing but a pile of ash and an unpleasant odor.


I would like to ask if you would consider investigating this outré occurrence and help me puzzle out what has happened to the entire salon that has occupied so much of our thoughts the past few months. It is a mystery that requires you special talents to solve.

I hope all is well with you and Doctor Watson and wish that you convey my best wishes to your estimable brother Mycroft. I must tell you that I have purchased one of his etchings for Inspector Gregson’s birthday. He was struck by it and continues to express his appreciation every day although I do not see why he would treasure it so much. But I venture to presume that I am not as enamored of representations of naked street urchins eating bananas. My taste runs more to watercolors of lilies.

I remain as always,
Your obedient servant,
Inspector G. Lestrade
Scotland Yard
May 14, 1899