What would give you a splinter in your twat?

Woody Woodpecker was a great director. He was the principal director of many Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoons but then he started staring in his own cartoons. His signature Woodpecker song became very popular among college kids and pseudo intellectuals who saw themselves in his nebbishy character instead of more manly cartoon characters like Wiley Coyote or Pepe Le Plume. But his popularity went to his head and he thought he was invincible. He had a voracious and capacious sexual appetite and molested many of the characters who appeared in his cartoons. The last straw was when he began a sexual relationship with his adopted son Andy Panda. It seems that it began in college when Andy was trying out for the Penn State Football team. Woody was an unpaid assistant coach in charge of massages and he began to oil up his adopted son. A scandal ensued that ended his viability as a filmmaker except in ultra liberal and decadent areas such as France and the Upper West Side of Manhattan.
(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)