Friday, November 25, 2011

What would give you a splinter in your twat?



Woody was a star for a long long time in Hollywood. He made features from the 1930's until the 1980's. He had many female costars. But it started to get ridiculous when he pretended that hot young lucious women were enamoured of his nerdy and fussy charms. Why would these beautiful woman want to endure the embrace of this nebbishy old man who looked like their grandfather. I mean you know why they did it. For the money and to star in one of his films. But it was just ludicrous.


It all came to an end when his long time love Mia Muskrat found photo's of him having sex with her adopted underage daughter Winnie. She found a bunch of photos of them in sexual positions and she always thought that her daughter had left them out for her to find. After the scandal broke Winnie moved in with her quasi-stepfather and they made films together that were only viewed by those who could stand to support a pervert and a child molester.


(Walter Lantz, The E True Hollywood Story of Woody Woodpecker)

5 comments:

The Dude said...

Which explains the popularity of those films in places such as Madison, SF and State College PA. On Wisconsin, baby!

Anonymous said...

I hate Woody Allen movies.

MamaM said...

Rata-tit-twat!

SonM came home from the Farm Store this week with a story about a customer who was in looking for a way to get rid of woodpeckers. The guy didn't know what to do because he'd let loose with a shotgun on a woodpecker that was drilling holes in his 130 year old pole barn and thought he'd taken care of the matter, when according to him, the very next day "this big assed woodpecker shows up". Now, in addition to the smaller Hairy and Downy Woodpeckers, our area is host to a 16-19 inch version called the Pileated Woodpecker. A big assed woodpecker the size of a crow. Chances are this is what he saw and he was spooked, thinking the King of all woodpeckers had come back to haunt him and finish ruining his barn. Especially since it was "a fast bastard" that kept flying off whenever he'd come out with the gun, before he could get a shot at it.

Hanging CD's near the area where these birds are pecking is one way of discouraging them naturally, but there was a long pause when this was suggested...followed by the plaintive delivery of words that delineate country from true country, "But I don't got any CD's".

He was hoping for some Woodpecker specific poison to smear on the barn and take care of the bird once and for all, while whatever is luring the woodpeckers continues to consume his wood.

rcocean said...

So we know why beautiful women did it, but what was Mia Muskrat's story?

Trooper York said...

She was insecure because of her haircut. It was all downhill from there.