Hey I'm a Flamer going down down in the Ring of Fire. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

So the Idol is back on Paddy’s day and not a single Irish song. You think they could have done U-2 or Flogging Molly or somebody cool like that. I actually think they should do a Van Morrison night because nobody as good a songbook with as many different styles to choose from. But instead we get shit kicker music. And not even the classic like George Jones and Pasty Cline but hat bands.

First up is the Oil Rigger guy Michael who should be in his element as he is from Texas and loves that country music. He sings a song that requires he sing for three minutes straight without taking a breath. Naturally someone who could do something with his mouth and hold his breath that long gets Seacrest really excited. Simon not so much as he hates country music. They gave the roughneck the pimp spot to help him make it to the tour and praised him enough to be safe for another week.

Next up is the red headed step child Allison who sang a generic my man is cheating on me and I am gonna kill you bitch and did not do it all that well. But they are working to manipulate the audience so they praised her to the sky. I think she has a real chance to win but she didn’t do herself any favors this week but she should squeak by.

Next up is Chris who is currently being stalked by Zach Sire. He does a good job even while he keeps looking over his shoulder for a spleen less blogger with a gleam in his eye. He does a Garth Brooks song that I don’t know but gets praised by the panel. I don’t know if it was memorable enough but if he has enough of a fan base he should get by.

Then we had Lil Rounds sing the Sean Hannity song Independence Day. I say that because he has the Martina McBride song blasting to start his show and the guy in the next office always turns up his radio when it comes on. She does a respectable version and the judges don’t critique it. Instead they tell her all of the other songs she should have sung which seems beside the point. Simon got into a cul-de-sac calling her Little instead of Lil which made even less sense than what Paula was saying but hey its Paddy’s day and you can’t expect a Brit to contribute anything useful.

Then it’s time for Adam who I think really screws the pooch. As the most obvious flamer in the bunch he decides to sing Ring of Fire. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. What was wrong was he does it to the tune of a sitar with vague Middle Eastern and Indian flavors which is as far as you can get from country music. It was horrible in the extreme. I should say a word about Randy Travis who was the mentor and was a big waste. I mean he was totally freaked by Adam. I don’t know if the song or his nail polish freaked him out more. Anyway it was totally horrible and believe it or not I think he might be in trouble this week. I mean a lot of people might not vote for him because they think he will be in no matter what and he could be the low man on the totem pole. In fact that is my prediction. That he has the lowest total this week because of this arrogant performance. He hasn’t won yet and to diss the format and act like it doesn’t matter is not smart. If he is the low man the judges will save him so I guess it doesn’t matter. But off that performance he deserves to go.

Next up is the blind dude singing the same song he sings every week. Or at least it sounds like the same song. It is bland and tasteless and not memorable at all. Paula for once hits it on the head when she says he is in his comfort zone behind the piano and has to come out from behind it and stretch a little. She is right but I hope he doesn’t listen because he is boring as hell and needs to go as soon as possible.

Next up is pint sized puta Alexis who sings Jolene the creepy Dolly Parton song. You what would have cool and would put her own stamp on it. She should have dressed up like Jennifer Aniston and changed the song to Jolie. “Jolie, Jolie, Angelina Jolie, Don’t take my man away from me just because you can.” That would have been awesome.

Then we have dead wife guy Danny, and a big problem popped up. They kept doing a close up of his hands on the mike where he beats his fingers against it to keep time like they do. My wife turns to me and says “Why isn’t he wearing his wedding ring. Didn’t his wife just die? You would think he would wear his ring. What does he just want to forget her? Is he one of those guys who goes Ok the wife is dead time to move on and let’s forget about her? Why isn’t he wearing his ring? If I died would you take off your ring? Well would you?” So I knew the right answer. “Do you want some ice cream honey?” Dodged a bullet with that one. But if women all over America pick up on that he is a dead man.

Next up is an Indian singing Cowboy songs. Anup-dog sings Willie Nelson and does a creditable job. He might be safe if he gets his people come out to vote. The judges were good to him especially Simon so they must want him to make the tour. So he is probably safe. Bet he wished he did the sitar thing.

Then we have Megan who was supposedly at Death’s Door because of the flu. Unfortunately she doesn’t go through the door and sings a horrible version of Walking around Midnight with her bird wing flapping bullshit. They praise her to the sky and she would be safe I guess. The only thing interesting about her is the halter maxi-dress she wore which is a style that is very hot for summer. It was brown and pistachio and was very flattering to her curves. But she kept coughing up flem and sneezing and it was most unpleasant. Much like her tats. I hope she is gone this week but I suspect she might slip by.

Last up is Matt the piano guy who does a Carrie Underwood song very nicely even though he also sounds much the same as last week. But he is at least not an annoying Christopher Cross blind dude so you can enjoy it and he is praised to the sky especially by Kara who just wants to do him right there on the stage. Nice finale in the pimp spot.

So to sum up, Blind Guy and the pint sized puta might be in trouble but I think in a big surprise Adam might lose and the judges will bring him back.