Laura Bush's Diary

So I see where Barry O is going on the tonight show with Jay Leno and everyone is all upset. They think that he should stay at the White House and work on the economy or something like that. As if that ever stopped anyone. When you are president you can’t sit there and worry every day and not get out there and meet the people. And going on TV is really the best thing for you.

I remember when W’s daddy was President and he invaded Iraq. People were bitching and moaning if he went fishing or was playing golf or whatever. I mean seriously, he knew that everything was pretty much wrapped up before he took time off. But while the war was still in its early stages he was laying low and really getting bored. And Babs was going out of her mind with boredom. They had to spend a lot of time up in New York because Poppy Bush was trying to work with the UN to get a coalition together to topple Sadaam and stuff. So they were sitting around the hotel room bored out of their tits. Now I was trying to make nice with old Barbara because W was thinking of running for governor of Texas and he didn’t want his mom to put the kibosh on it because she always favored that butt boy Jeb. So I tried to cultivate the old bat as best I could. W and I stayed up in New York to keep them company. When W and his dad would be going over strategy and what not Babs and I would be watching the television. New York Cable Access was a revelation to Babs and an inspiration dawned. I would get her a chance to appear on Midnight Blue.

You see I knew Robin Byrd from my days of visiting New York right after college. We both were able to pick up a few extra dollars working the peeps at Show World on Eight Avenue. Now New York was a lot grittier then and we had to look out for each other and we became good friends. So I called her up and she was down with it. I told W and his dad that I had arranged for us to appear on the Joe Franklin show to talk about the career of Al Jolson and what not and they waved and told us to enjoy ourselves. We jumped in a limo and went over to the studio.

Robin couldn’t have been nicer. We did a nice roundtable discussion with Robin and Joe Dellasandro and Al Goldstien. You would think that Al and Barbara wouldn’t get along but they were as thick as thieves. It turns out that Babs had a subscription to Screw magazine for years and Al was totally flattered. She charmed the pants right off of him. Well actually he just took off his pants, but hey that’s Al. Anyway we filmed a great show and the talk was just amazing. The highlight of course was the stripper segment where they introduced these two Asian chicks who were billed as the girls with a little something extra. Both Al and Babs were totally captivated. You see they where what you call a “chick with a dick.” Babs had never met a pre-op transsexual and these girls were exquisite. After the show Al and Babs and the two twists disappeared for an hour or so while Robin and I caught up on old times. When they came back into the studio they all looked really happy and just a little guilty. I always wondered what ever happened to them. Later that year I found out. One became the Ambassador to Thailand and the other married George Will.

Now we had been drinking a lot of tequila that night and didn’t really think about the fact that this would be broadcast on Manhattan cable TV. It might not have set right with the Moral Majority and all. So when we got back to hotel and told W he lost his shit. He got on the phone to Cheney to fix it. And that’s why there was a blackout that night.

Cheney is good like that.

I hope Barry has a good time. You know now that I think about it I bet he would like to meet a chick with a dick. Maybe I will give Robin a call.