Well thank God that baseball season is finally here. It will give W something to do besides going on his blog’s and writing emails under his pen name of Cedarford. I mean I am tied of his talking about the Jews all the time. Enough already with that dreck. Where would we be without the members of the tribe? Who would make pastrami and set up Ponzi schemes. He can turn his attention to the national pastime and enjoy his retirement.
Ever since W ran the Texas Rangers we have been big time Ranger fans in our house. The twins and I used to go work out in the weight room with the boys. Jenna used to score some weed from the clubhouse attendant whenever we ran short. So we were always happy when the season started and we could go out to the ball park.
Of course us rooting for the home team was another bone of contention with that old bat Barbara. W’s mom was a big time Red Sox fan. It seems that she and Poppy used to like to listen to the Sox games when they were vacationing in Kennebunkport and became big time Sox fans. I could never understand what it was all about because I mean who roots for the Red Sox except inbred New Englanders and yuppie scum. So one night while we were watching the rasslin’ show and knocking back some tequila shooters I asked old Barb why she was such a big Red Sox fan.
“Well Laura it all goes back to Johnny Pesky.” “What the fuck” I say. “You see Johnny Pesky was my first.” “First what?” “ The first man I ever made love to. I met him one day when I was visiting Boston. I was hanging out in the hotel bar and Johnny came in with Ted Williams and Dominic DiMaggio. They hung out at the bar. Now the girls were all over Ted but he didn’t care because he liked the sausage you see.” “No really!” “Yes his mother was a psycho Salvation Army lady and turned him off women all the way. He lived for many years with Tony Perkins after he met him when he filmed “Fear Strikes Out. Anyway, sweet sweet Johnny saw me and sent over a drink. Then he came over to talk and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I guess you can just say he was really pesky. Laura it was the best poon tang I ever had. It was unbelievable. And it started a new tradition for me.” “What tradition is that Babs.” “Every season I have to look up the team and bang one of the players. I went through everyone from Rico Petrocelli to Fred Lynn to Trot Nixon.” “No.” “Yes. I have to tell you the best was Curt Schilling. I banged him the day before he went out to pitch against the Yankees in the playoffs. Remember when his heel was bleeding. That was me. This year it was supposed to be Big Papi but he can’t get it up. I don’t know what I am going to do.”
Well it turned out that she couldn’t hook up with the team and the tradition was broken. And now that Bab’s has taken ill I don’t think she can continue it any longer. Unless someone else in the family wants to step up. I mean the twins are really Yankee fans and W and I love the Rangers. I guess that leaves Jeb. He can always give the Bosox a call. He can finally do something for the family. He has tendencies that way anyway. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And I know that the Red Sox will be fine with it.
Because after all, Boston sucks.
Ever since W ran the Texas Rangers we have been big time Ranger fans in our house. The twins and I used to go work out in the weight room with the boys. Jenna used to score some weed from the clubhouse attendant whenever we ran short. So we were always happy when the season started and we could go out to the ball park.
Of course us rooting for the home team was another bone of contention with that old bat Barbara. W’s mom was a big time Red Sox fan. It seems that she and Poppy used to like to listen to the Sox games when they were vacationing in Kennebunkport and became big time Sox fans. I could never understand what it was all about because I mean who roots for the Red Sox except inbred New Englanders and yuppie scum. So one night while we were watching the rasslin’ show and knocking back some tequila shooters I asked old Barb why she was such a big Red Sox fan.
“Well Laura it all goes back to Johnny Pesky.” “What the fuck” I say. “You see Johnny Pesky was my first.” “First what?” “ The first man I ever made love to. I met him one day when I was visiting Boston. I was hanging out in the hotel bar and Johnny came in with Ted Williams and Dominic DiMaggio. They hung out at the bar. Now the girls were all over Ted but he didn’t care because he liked the sausage you see.” “No really!” “Yes his mother was a psycho Salvation Army lady and turned him off women all the way. He lived for many years with Tony Perkins after he met him when he filmed “Fear Strikes Out. Anyway, sweet sweet Johnny saw me and sent over a drink. Then he came over to talk and he wouldn’t take no for an answer. I guess you can just say he was really pesky. Laura it was the best poon tang I ever had. It was unbelievable. And it started a new tradition for me.” “What tradition is that Babs.” “Every season I have to look up the team and bang one of the players. I went through everyone from Rico Petrocelli to Fred Lynn to Trot Nixon.” “No.” “Yes. I have to tell you the best was Curt Schilling. I banged him the day before he went out to pitch against the Yankees in the playoffs. Remember when his heel was bleeding. That was me. This year it was supposed to be Big Papi but he can’t get it up. I don’t know what I am going to do.”
Well it turned out that she couldn’t hook up with the team and the tradition was broken. And now that Bab’s has taken ill I don’t think she can continue it any longer. Unless someone else in the family wants to step up. I mean the twins are really Yankee fans and W and I love the Rangers. I guess that leaves Jeb. He can always give the Bosox a call. He can finally do something for the family. He has tendencies that way anyway. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. And I know that the Red Sox will be fine with it.
Because after all, Boston sucks.
2 comments:
[shakes cosmic 8 ball]"Is it true the Bambino was The Sultan of Twat?"
All Signs Point To Yes.
Sox win! Sox win! Sox win!
My choirboy son just got back from Fenway, where he and his choir sung the National Anthem, and actually got to stay for the game, that was, of course, otherwise SOLD OUT (as are almost all Sox games). But, being the Boston Red Sox, they wouldn't THINK of being anything but super nice to all those fine Catholic lads from St. Paul's.
Empty seats in the new Yankee Stadium, I hear. And I'm not saying a WORD about those 20-odd runs Wang has allowed, not to mention his room-temperature ERA, and the 25-7 loss to Cleveland. No, I'm not.
We're all getting ready to welcome the Yankees to friendly Fenway next weekend ;->
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