Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. How is it we can’t find anybody to be the new PA announcer. I mean how hard can it be? I can’t keep waiting for Seacrest. I mean he sold me his soul and everything but he has another five years left. Shit. Who has slid down the chute lately Forcas?
Forcas: Well my Dread Lord it seems we have a general. General Alexander Haig has just show up in the chute.
Lucifer: Oh cool. Another asshole for the Nixon wing. Get him in here.
Forcas: Right away my dread Lord.General Alexander Haig: Where am I? What’s happening? I am in charge here. Everybody stay calm.
Lucifer: No you idiot. You are not in charge. You are in hell. I am in charge here. But you lucked out. The position of PA Announcer is open and I am going to let you audition. I mean you where Nixon’s chief of staff so you have some experience after all.
General Alexander Haig: Hell? What the Hell am I doing in Hell? I should be in heaven. I lead a good life. I did everything I was supposed to do. How could I end up here?
Forcas: Well my Dread Lord it seems we have a general. General Alexander Haig has just show up in the chute.
Lucifer: Oh cool. Another asshole for the Nixon wing. Get him in here.
Forcas: Right away my dread Lord.General Alexander Haig: Where am I? What’s happening? I am in charge here. Everybody stay calm.
Lucifer: No you idiot. You are not in charge. You are in hell. I am in charge here. But you lucked out. The position of PA Announcer is open and I am going to let you audition. I mean you where Nixon’s chief of staff so you have some experience after all.
General Alexander Haig: Hell? What the Hell am I doing in Hell? I should be in heaven. I lead a good life. I did everything I was supposed to do. How could I end up here?
Forcas: Oh shit, this isn’t going to go good.
Lucifer: WHAT ARE YOU…A FUCKIN” IDIOT! THIS IS HELL DOUCHEBAG NOT MEET THE FUCKING PRESS!
Forcas: Perhaps I should have the assistant demons take him to the Nixon wing my Lord?
General Alexander Haig: The Nixon Wing? Oh shit. You mean I have to be in hell because I worked for Tricky Dick. That’s not right. Don’t you know who I was? I was Deep Throat. I was the one who gave Jaworski all the dirt. And that greasy hebe Bernstein. How could I end up in hell because of that? I did the right thing. Now I have to spend the rest of eternity listening to Nixon and Halderman and Erlichman?
Lucifer: You got it all wrong moron. Nixon isn’t in hell. He’s a freakin’ saint. He is sitting at the right hand of the big guy playing cards with Patton and Rommel and Nathan Bedford Forrest. He likes to hang with the military guys. That’s why you got your job. And you betrayed him. That’s why you are here.
General Alexander Haig: But that can’t be. How could Nixon be a saint and I be in hell.
Lucifer: It’s just the way it is douche bag. You have to go to the Nixon wing with all the traitors and scumbags like Jaworski and Archibald Cox and Earl Severiad and that prick Tim Russert and the twat that owned the Washington Post. Take him away boys.(two burly demons grab him and pull him away kicking and screaming)
Forcas: What should we do with him my Lord?
General Alexander Haig: The Nixon Wing? Oh shit. You mean I have to be in hell because I worked for Tricky Dick. That’s not right. Don’t you know who I was? I was Deep Throat. I was the one who gave Jaworski all the dirt. And that greasy hebe Bernstein. How could I end up in hell because of that? I did the right thing. Now I have to spend the rest of eternity listening to Nixon and Halderman and Erlichman?
Lucifer: You got it all wrong moron. Nixon isn’t in hell. He’s a freakin’ saint. He is sitting at the right hand of the big guy playing cards with Patton and Rommel and Nathan Bedford Forrest. He likes to hang with the military guys. That’s why you got your job. And you betrayed him. That’s why you are here.
General Alexander Haig: But that can’t be. How could Nixon be a saint and I be in hell.
Lucifer: It’s just the way it is douche bag. You have to go to the Nixon wing with all the traitors and scumbags like Jaworski and Archibald Cox and Earl Severiad and that prick Tim Russert and the twat that owned the Washington Post. Take him away boys.(two burly demons grab him and pull him away kicking and screaming)
Forcas: What should we do with him my Lord?
Lucifer: Throw him in the pit with Judas, Benedict Arnold and Jack Parr. Let’s see who turns on who first. I love the old crabs in the bucket routine. It never gets old.
Forcas: Perfect Sire.
Forcas: Perfect Sire.
Lucifer: Sometimes it’s good to be so bad. Hee.
3 comments:
But not G Gordon.
Even if they brought him to hell, it wouldn't hurt him.
Nathan Bedford Forrest in heaven? Wow...I guess it is by grace, eh?
"Nathan Bedford Forrest in heaven?"
Hey the big guy likes his jokes you know what I mean?
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