Laura Bush's Diary

Well it looks like Barry O got in a lot of trouble because of the cheap gifts he gave the British Prime Minister and his family. He gave them a bunch of DVD’s and some plastic toys out of the gift shop. I wonder if Michelle picked them out herself. That must have been what happened. She is cheap so you can understand how that could happen. She needs to rely on her staff more.

I remember when W had to give gifts he would tell me to pick something out. I always tried to give something appropriate. When Jacque Chirac came I gave him a snake. He loved it. I guess he thought he was supposed to eat it. Or maybe have sex with it. With those fuckin’ filthy frogs you never know what they are gonna do.

Tony Blair came all the time so we were always giving gifts back and forth. I mean there were the “Official gifts” from the protocol office but we gave our own personal gifts as well. You see Tony likes to “dress up” so I would get him a nice bra and panty set from Victoria’s Secret. Or a nice matchy/matchy set from Prima Donna. He loved the Satin Ginza bra. He wore it when he spoke before the joint session of Congress. He said it made him feel pretty. Now Tony’s wife Cherie was a lot harder to shop for until one night we had some margherita’s and we got plastered and she told me that she was a little tired of Tony and his “Little Tony.” So I knew the prefect gift. The next time she came I let her spend a couple of hours with Gorilla Monsoon in the Lincoln bedroom. She can’t stop thanking me.

But the absolute worst was Angela Merkel. You see everyone got the wrong idea about her and W. I know W rubbed her back and all and it caused a big scandal. But she was all over him. I mean she used to rub her foot up his leg at the G7 meetings. Once at the UN when she was sitting next to him she grabbed his Johnson while they were listing to Boutros Boutros Gahile. She was always putting her hands down his pants. That German Slut. W knew that it pissed me off. That’s why he rubbed her back that time. Just to get me going. Afterwards we went back to the hotel and had wild angry sex like a couple of ferrets on crack. But that didn’t solve the problem of what to give the Kraut cunt. Then I figured it out. I offered to introduce her to Bill Clinton. She loved the idea. And Bubba would screw the crack of dawn. So I hooked them up as my gift to her.

Bill gave her something extra.

The Clap.

Priceless.