Saturday, March 7, 2009

The problems of a shopkeeper

I promised I would talk about the two recurring problems that we face in the store. The first is the customer who monopolizes your attention and the dressing room and then doesn’t buy anything. That is pretty bad. But it is not the worst. You know what the worst thing is?

The Gay Husband.

We seem to have a lot of girls who come in who are married to gay guys and they don’t even know it. Or they know it but they don’t want to acknowledge it. I don’t pay much attention to it because I don’t really care but the girls in the store know right away. I mean the tip off is that the guy is so opinionated and bitchy about the clothes. Since we have bigger sizes these mook’s are trashing their wives like Chris Brown before the Grammy’s. Verbally to be sure but still it sucks. “Well you would fit in that if you ate a few less bagels.” “You look like a grandmother in that dress.” “What’s the matter with you don’t you have a sense of style.”

Now most of the time when a guy comes in with his wife I will engage him in conversation to keep him from getting bored. Most guys don’t care that much about what the wife buys except for the price. The smart ones are happy if the wife is happy. Some of them bitch about the prices which is fine. They don’t have to buy it if they don’t want to. Times are tough and I understand that. I can usually find something to talk about. Sports, the movies, TV, the neighborhood, restaurants, or food. But if the guy is only interested in trashing his wife and making her feel like shit I can’t deal with that too well. I have to split so I don’t split the guys head open. One guy made his wife cry. So it can get real unpleasant. I let my wife handle it. She takes the girl into the dressing room and tells her to come back another time without her husband if she wants. We have much the same problem with abusive skinny moms and nasty skinny friends. They don’t want to be there and everything is negative. There is not much you can do then. You just have to let them live in their own life.

Anyway one of the gay husbands came in today with his wife. I was alone at the time so I just let them stew. She tried on a dress, he mocked her, her lip quivered and they left. Par for the course.

I wonder how Katie does it.

It must be easier when you are rich.


40 comments:

Curtiss said...

Gee, Trooper. First you're threatening to bash in the head of your patron with a shovel, then your going to split a husband's head.

Holy Cow! I had no idea there was so much excitement involved in women's apparel. (that statement could be a problem if taken out of context)

The next time the lovely and vivacious Mrs. Curtiss goes shopping, I'm definitely tagging along. But I promise to be nice and I'll make sure she buys something (like that's a concern).

Just remember, all work and no play makes Trooper a dull boy. All play and no work makes Trooper a mere toy.

Trooper York said...

Hey I am just blowing off steam. You have no idea how hard it is to be nice all the time when you don't feel that way. I am the kind of guy who doesn't sweat much when it happens to me. But I get mad when someone is screwing someone else over. It is hard for me to keep my mouth shut. So when this starts to happen I go to the back room and blog. It lets me let off steam.

Trooper York said...

Plus I believe in violence. It doesn't solve everything but it shuts up a lot of people right quick. Just sayn'

Curtiss said...

You have no idea how hard it is to be nice all the time when you don't feel that way.

Oh, but I do. I feel your pain.

That's how I came to be a such a pathological blog commenter. I don't have to bite my tongue.

Curtiss said...

Oh, and I should add - please continue blowing off steam. It makes your blog most amusing and entertaining.

Jason (the commenter) said...


I wonder how Katie does it.


She probably gets passive aggressive; telling her husband how he doesn't look as short in certain things, or how the extra weight looks good on someone of his advanced years. Maybe she calls in handsome security guards to give their opinion on what Tom is wearing, patting them lovingly in gratitude as they leave. Tom gives her dirty looks in return and she just smiles like she has no idea what is going on. Then he goes to a far off room and punches holes in the wall.

DaLawGiver said...

Call Buffalo, ask for TO. Ask him how he'd handle the situation.

Don't call dick shooter Burris, I think he's gonna be unavailable for a while.

blake said...

I knew a couple that seemed to me to be a gay man married to a gay woman. They seemed pretty happy, though.

I think the Tom Cruise gay thing is just wish fulfillment. It's why I'm positive Portia di Rossi is straight....

Darcy said...

Good for you, Trooper! People like that need to be shamed into behaving, I say. I can't stand watching someone being belittled or made fun of.

Ann Althouse said...

I don't like this stereotype, Trooper. I've had great fun shopping with gay guys. In my experience, they love shopping too and they might be more critical of the quality of the goods in the store than your average dragged-along straight male, but this hatefulness toward women that you depict -- I haven't seen it. Obviously, I'm not married to a gay guy (or any guy, not yet anyway), so I don't know how that would change things, but I think the category you are seeing is: nasty bastards. They come in all orientations.

As for being knowingly, openly married to a gay guy: If you know what you're getting into and you have the right understandings, it could be worth it. Assuming Tom Cruise is gay -- Katie Holmes could be in it for companionship and a great father for her children as well as money and fame. If she is able to have discreet lovers on the side, who are you to say it's wrong?

save_the_rustbelt said...

I see a lot of the guys mocking the wife bit, I don't think gay guys have the franchise on that one.

I don't know about this whole metro sexual thing, my male friends are either gay or straight with no inbetween crap.

I will say something in defense of men, women shop differently. All this browsing and pawing and trying on things with no intention of buying drives men nuts..... But, some of of us guys are smart enough to smile and nod and "yes dear" and play along, which makes for a much happier wife which makes for a much happier household (but then I got really lucky in the wife selection process).

Trooper York said...

Well most stereotypes have a basis in reality. Like the fact that Irish guys like to get drunk and have small penises and teachers have no experience with the real world.

There are about five couples who come in where there is definitely a gay husband. At least that's what the women in the store tell me. I don't have super advanced gaydar and to be honest don't pay that much attention to it, I just can notice when men are especially savage towards their wives. Now there are certain men who do it because they are just jerks but that is almost always an attack from the price angle. “You are going to pay how much. Do you really need it?” It is easy to tell when the guy is just a cheap fuck and when something else is going on.

Don't get me wrong, the gay friend who shops with a plus woman is often very supportive of the friend and relative and helps them pick out stuff and is very creative and supportive. We have a couple of gay guys who shop for their sisters who are just great. But the gay husband is an actual situation who we have seen again and again in the two years we have been open. It’s not pretty.

With that all said the actual worst shopping companion is the mother. Overbearing, judgmental and contemptuous of the plus size daughter, the “skinny” mom is the worst. She hates being in the “fat” store. She is ashamed of her daughter and makes cutting remarks. “Why can’t you be like your sister?” “You shouldn’t buy that because you have to lose weight.” “You should get something more drapey to cover you, you shouldn’t wear anything that doesn’t cover you.” “You should wear black, fat people should only wear black.” We have girls go into the dressing room and weep.

I have a sign that says “No dogs allowed.” Because several had come in and pissed on the floor until we banned them. I would like to have a sign “No overbearing nasty moms allowed” because they are going to come in and piss all over the store and their daughters.

TitusIsReadyForTheDayLetsBegin said...

I shop with my real girl girlfriends and have a blast. I love going with them. I shop with my mom too and love going with her.

I would never be cruel to them though. I may say something doesn't look right but not go off on them. I love going in women's stores and grabbing stuff and telling the women in my life to try it on. Many times it things they thought they would never wear but ends up looking really good.

My mom says her best outfits she has are clothes she purchased when shopping with me. One thing that I am bad at though it pushing her to spend a little money. Sometimes she won't try on something because the price tag but I strongly urge her to do so because I think it will look nice on her. She does and if it looks nice I say you have to have it.

But being nasty, why bother? What a waste of a shopping day. Shopping should and can be fun. I have more fun shopping with the women in my life-for them, then I do when I shop for myself.

That reminds me that I need to call my best girlfriend. Every spring and fall will do a day of shopping. We get up early, go to tons of store, have lunch, shop more, eat more and then go home and take a nap. With the nice weather here and summer around the corner it is time for some new spring/summer ensembles.

Trooper York said...

You exactly right Titus. That is the usual experiance when a gay guy shops with his girlfriends. But the gay husband is something totally different. Something else is going on. I kinda think he has to always keep her off balance so she doesn't focous on why things aren't right between them. So she blames herself and makes an excuse why he doesn't want to fuck her. I don't know if that is what is going on but it really feels like that you know.

Trooper York said...

And what the fuck. You go shopping with your girlfriends and you don't bring them to my store. I am dissapointed in you dude.

Trooper York said...

Just last night I ran into one of the uber liberal commenters from Althouse and we had a really nice conversation as we both went into the bodega. You don't have to hide out. Unless of course you want too.
That's cool.

Trooper York said...

Oh and a woman left a loaf in my store toilet that broke it yesterday. But I fixed it. So don't let that be a concern.

TitusIsReadyForTheDayLetsBegin said...

There is such a thing as Straight Queens too.

Not saying thats what these married guys are but some straight guys are just really gay acting.

I know a few that are about as gay as you can get but they definitely like pussy. One of them works at Niemans and he walks around with his wrist limp all the time. But he is married and really does like pussy. Believe me if he didn't like pussy i would know.

So there are some straight queens in the world.

Trooper York said...

I take your word for it. But it is not really just a function of their mannerisms. It is a function of how they interact with woman. There is too much anger and stuff going on. It's like the saying goes. To a shepard every sheep is different. When you work in store you start to understand what people are all about.

I'm Full of Soup said...

If your wife drags you to help her buy clothes, make sure you take along a sign and magic marker. When she comes out and says "how do I look?". You hold up the sign with like 9.8 written on it like they do at the Olympics! Your wife will be ecstatic, she will buy the clothes and you can get the heck out of the store.

Oh and be nice and leave the sign with another poor bastard who is there with his wife.

Jason (the commenter) said...

I kinda think he has to always keep her off balance so she doesn't focous on why things aren't right between them. So she blames herself and makes an excuse why he doesn't want to fuck her.

I've seen this before and I agree 100%. I don't think it's always calculated; the guy is truly disgusted by his beard and is saying what he really thinks.

I knew a closeted guy who tried to get his beard as thin as possible. Probably so she would have a boyish figure. But in this instance it was fine because they were BOTH horrible people and deserved each other.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

I kinda think he has to always keep her off balance so she doesn't focous on why things aren't right between them. So she blames herself and makes an excuse why he doesn't want to fuck her. I don't know if that is what is going on but it really feels like that you know.

I think that you have made a very astute observation. The clandestine gay guy (or gay gal that happens too) feels some level of guilt and the way to offload that is to try to make the other person feel guilty or bad about themselves. This is probably also why the women are ...ahem... larger. They are compensating for their dysfunctional relationship.

This happens in a marriage where one person is cheating on the other. Speaking from personal experience where my first husband was having affairs and then spent most of his time denigrating me. I put up with it for years because I am a good little Catholic wife with a child to think of. (Sheesh...guilt from all sides...thanks Mom) Fortunately, I wised up and kicked him and his shit (literally) to the curb. Everything in heaps and piles and in black trash bags on the front lawn with the locks changed. What a relief.

I then met my now husband 17 years ago and it has been wonderful and seems like just yesterday that we met.

Those poor women in your shop need to make a decision and move on. They deserve better than that. Unfortunately you can't help them. They have to help themselves.

Trooper York said...

I am with you Dust Bunny Queen but if someone had talked turkey with you would you have listened? Especially if you were young and don't have the knowledge of the world that you and I have developed by living our lives. Especially advice coming unsolicited by what is essentially a clerk in a store.

Bob Seger has one of the greatest lines I ever heard;
"Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then."

People have to live in their life. You can't live it for them. You take your hits, get up and get back in the game.

Welcome to the NFL.

Dust Bunny Queen said...

I am with you Dust Bunny Queen but if someone had talked turkey with you would you have listened? Especially if you were young and don't have the knowledge of the world that you and I have developed by living our lives. Especially advice coming unsolicited by what is essentially a clerk in a store.

Nope.. I wouldn't have listened. Looking back, I realize that there were some people giving me some veeeery heavy hints. Even after it was clear what what happening, I still tried to ignore, pretend or otherwise imagine that I would be able to "fix" things.

DOH!!

Trooper York said...

There really is nothing you can do. With the gay husband or the abusive mom. My wife is much better at the empathy stuff. She knows how it is to be the "chubby" girl with all the skinny friends and family. So we are very sympathetic to the situation. You just have to approach each person on a case by case basis.

I just stand by with my shovel.

Chennaul said...

OK I dunno what this has got to do with anything-but what the hell-

I use to have this job and it involved a lot of weddings so to make it interesting we'd do a pool of bets...

The bet was who would fight with who-

The bet that almost always paid off was the bride and her mother.

We'd be like oh gawd here it comes...

The one time nobody won nothin' was when the band did a throw down with the groomsmen or whatever the hell you call 'em.

[I think they were Irish though and had small woofers.]

Ruth Anne Adams said...

You guys just all walked right past that Althouse bomblet about not being married to any guy, not yet anyhow.

So..

Is there more to this than meets the eye?

TitusIsReadyForTheDayLetsBegin said...

You have mentioned anger that some gay men have with women.

Personally, I don't have it and nor do any of my friends who are gay. All the gay men I know love women and love hanging out with them. Girls were the ones that would hang out with us as boys and we were and are grateful to them.

Also, I find women more accepting (not always) of the whole gay thing. I think some straight guys get skeeved about it-at least with gay guys, not so much with the lesbian stuff.

As far as gay guys marrying women that seems so primitive. You think in this day and age they could come to terms with it. It isn't the 50's. But I think some gay men and women are never able to come to terms with it and then get in fucked up relationships with the opposite sex and make their life and someone else's life miserable. Very sad.

TitusIsReadyForTheDayLetsBegin said...

I remember seeing the movie Making Love when I was like 6. I puked after watching it. That movie is horrible.

blake said...

I just stand by with my shovel.

I'll get the lye....

Meade said...

Ruth Anne Adams said...
"You guys just all walked right past that Althouse bomblet about not being married to any guy, not yet anyhow.

So..

Is there more to this than meets the eye?"


Ruth Anne: As long as she's not considering marrying someone of the "nasty bastard" orientation, I know I for one will be able to wish her well.

If it's Titus, I will wish her very well indeed.

And if it's me, I will wish her all the very very best.

Ruth Anne Adams said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ruth Anne Adams said...

Let it not be unadvisedly, or lightly, but reverently, deliberately and in accordance with the purposes for which it was instituted by God.

TitusLaughedToo said...

It may be me Meade. And I just want to say that the best man definitely won.

TitusLaughedToo said...

And when Althouse and I come into Troops shop he won't see any of that nasty gay husband.

It will be complete and total repsect and kindness.

Also, if I was nasty I think she may kick my ass-which could be kind of hot.

TMink said...

"The smart ones are happy if the wife is happy."

Words of wisdom to live by.

Trey

TMink said...

"You have no idea how hard it is to be nice all the time when you don't feel that way."

Tell me about it. I had a patient, what a patient, addicted to anything he could get his hands on, who was fired for stealing nitrous oxide cannisters and doing them in front of the parking lot cameras while he was supposed to be working. Did I mention that he is schizophrenic?

He would invariably use 15 minutes a session to talk about how excited he was about politics, how our current President would make it so he did not have to work, etc. etc. etc., blah blah blah.

I was almost happy when he was busted.

Trey

TMink said...

Althouse wrote: "I've had great fun shopping with gay guys."

Gay guys does not equal gay husbands.

Trey

Meade said...

"It will be complete and total repsect and kindness."

I have no doubt it will be, Titus.

She deserves nothing less and so much more. I know I can trust you to be good to her.

KCFleming said...

Best damn post evar, Trooper.