Laura Bush's Diary

So we were sitting around getting drunk and bitching about how the stupid fuckin' Rangers lost the Series. Do you believe that shit. That didn't happen when W was running things. Well I mean we didn't win jack shit but he had everybody all hepped up on steroids all the time so they weren't so fuckin lackadaisical like they were in those games. Those losers.

Anyhoo W tried to change the subject like he always does. He wanted to talk about politics and the election and that nonsense as though any of the rest of us give a shit. He takes after his Mama that way. She was the political one who was into all the machinations of running campaigns and what not. She has never forgiven W for slipping in ahead of her favorite Jeb. She had sworn off politics for a while when he married the maid and started pushing out those brown babies. She didn't think he had a chance so she stopped pushing Poppy to get the Trilateral Commission to make Jeb President and she acquiesced when W ran because she never thought he would win. But W surprised her as he often does. I remember the first time I saw his member. He seemed nice enough and I was ready to settle down so I wasn't ready when he whipped out that major league hog he is holding in the pen. He surprised the shit out of me let me tell you. Twice. But then I always loved anal. That's a story for another time.

So W goes to me "Laura darling did you see all the fuss they are making about Herman Cain and this sex harassment nonsense. I thought after Bubba skated this was a thing of the past. Why are they pummeling Herman over this nonsense?"

"It's because he's a shade W" I told him. "You know that. Those liberals are afraid of a black man's libido. Remember how they tried to crucify Clarence over the same thing. Meanwhiles Jesse Jackson can have more rug rats that Antonio Cromartie and nobody says jack. It is just the way it is." "Thank God they never got anything on us babe" said my randy not so little ex-president. "If they only knew about our hi-jinks the shit would really have hit the fan." "Dan tooting W, just imagine if they heard about the list! Hee!" "Oh you are so right. By the way I wanted to tell you something. Betty will be in town next week. I might drop by. I hope that's ok with you?" "Sure thing babe. Knock yourself out. It ain't no thing."

Now I did say that but I had a little pang of jealousy. You see W and I made a pact when we got married. I know I had told you about this before. Each of us were allowed to pick five celebrities that if we happened to meet we could bang them without the other party objecting or getting mad or anything like that there. W got it on and banged a gong with Pam Grier and Sandy Duncan and Joyce Bulifant. Oh and Julia Child because he is fuckin pervert. I managed to snog Gorilla Monson and Officer Joe Bolton and Bo Belinsky and Chief Jay Strongbow. So you see we each had used up four out of our five free passes. And the last people on our list had croaked. Bea Arthur for W and Wilt the Stilt for me! So we had to revise the list and doncha know that W picked that Golden Shower Girl Betty White. The whore. She is a lot more popular now that she is in that new show with the One Day at a Time cunt and the English twat from Frazier. I just wondered why her name had come up.

"Why the sudden interest W? Is she appearing at comic book show?" I asked my horny valentine. "No baby now don't be jealous. I just saw her competing in a hot dog eating contest and I got inspired. Here check out this video tape from ESPN."

Well the little devil was right. She inhaled about thirty dirty water dogs.

And she didn't damage one bun!

That bitch is talented.