So the Idol was on again last night and it looks like everyone is competing for one spot. It is really shameless how they pimp and promote different people to get the right demographic. I mean they put Lil Rounds in the prime pimp spot of last singer so she will get lots of votes and praised her to the sky because they will lose their minds if there is not at least one black woman in the group going forward. Not that she needed it because she has a nice personality and can sing so she has one spot.
Then they shamelessly pimped the blind dude who really really sucked. I mean he can’t sing for shit compared to some of the other people who are already out. But he is blind. Maybe he can have a tragedy off with the dead wife guy. “My wife’s dead” “Oh yeah well my eyeballs are dead.” So he gets the American with Disability Act slot. You know the one they usually give to the retarded guy like Scott Savol or that Kevin kid.
So everyone else is duking it out for one spot and a chance to shine enough to be brought back as wild cards in this new dopey format. The black dude with the funny name for this season sang Deliah. He said he had cortisone shot but he sang like he was mainling horse. And not a horse with no name. It was a horse named China White. There were a couple of forgettable dark haired girls with ethnic names who they vaguely trashed and threw under the bus because they were nothing special. This chubby Irish broad named McNamara sang pretty well but they dissed how she looked and I don’t think she has a chance. This one girl took the place of the girl with the recording contract who got bounced but they never explained exactly what happened. You have to be in the know.
Then there was a pretty Southern girl who was going for the country music vote. Smart choice by her and the judges praised her for staying in her box. She had a good enough voice and a freak-a-zoid Daddy who did his “Alligator” dance every time she won. This consists of him laying across the floor and bouncing up and down like he was doing a full body push up to mimic the movements of an alligator. Sort of what Titus does when somebody drops an Ecuadorian delivery boy on the floor. Anyway she has a chance if trailer park nation comes out to play.
Then there was sappy gay kid with all these hair clips in his hair. He sang the absolute worst choice of a song I ever heard on American Idol. He sang Jim Steinman/Meatloaf’s I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. All over America people were saying the same thing. I won’t do that. But the judges were very kind and gentle with him. Hope was shining in his eyes before the truck runs over him. Seacrest had to fuck it up by bringing the kid over to the judges table for some gay innuendo with Simon. He tried to put the kid’s hair clips on Simon and to get the kid to sit on his lap or something. I guess it was all in fun but I don’t think it was fair to the kid. I mean would they do that with one of the young girls and Randy? I don’t think so. I don’t think they thought that out.
So to recap. The ones who advance: Lil Rounds of rebound, blind dude, country girl with the alligator daddy. Long shot possibilities: first nondescript gay dude, chubby member of McNamara’s band, droning black guy with the funny name.
Oh and they had this Puerto Rican dude they tried to de-ricanize by making him lose his accent. No chance.
I just hope he doesn’t get Paula’s email. I think he can give Lem a run for his money.
Then they shamelessly pimped the blind dude who really really sucked. I mean he can’t sing for shit compared to some of the other people who are already out. But he is blind. Maybe he can have a tragedy off with the dead wife guy. “My wife’s dead” “Oh yeah well my eyeballs are dead.” So he gets the American with Disability Act slot. You know the one they usually give to the retarded guy like Scott Savol or that Kevin kid.
So everyone else is duking it out for one spot and a chance to shine enough to be brought back as wild cards in this new dopey format. The black dude with the funny name for this season sang Deliah. He said he had cortisone shot but he sang like he was mainling horse. And not a horse with no name. It was a horse named China White. There were a couple of forgettable dark haired girls with ethnic names who they vaguely trashed and threw under the bus because they were nothing special. This chubby Irish broad named McNamara sang pretty well but they dissed how she looked and I don’t think she has a chance. This one girl took the place of the girl with the recording contract who got bounced but they never explained exactly what happened. You have to be in the know.
Then there was a pretty Southern girl who was going for the country music vote. Smart choice by her and the judges praised her for staying in her box. She had a good enough voice and a freak-a-zoid Daddy who did his “Alligator” dance every time she won. This consists of him laying across the floor and bouncing up and down like he was doing a full body push up to mimic the movements of an alligator. Sort of what Titus does when somebody drops an Ecuadorian delivery boy on the floor. Anyway she has a chance if trailer park nation comes out to play.
Then there was sappy gay kid with all these hair clips in his hair. He sang the absolute worst choice of a song I ever heard on American Idol. He sang Jim Steinman/Meatloaf’s I would do anything for love, but I won’t do that. All over America people were saying the same thing. I won’t do that. But the judges were very kind and gentle with him. Hope was shining in his eyes before the truck runs over him. Seacrest had to fuck it up by bringing the kid over to the judges table for some gay innuendo with Simon. He tried to put the kid’s hair clips on Simon and to get the kid to sit on his lap or something. I guess it was all in fun but I don’t think it was fair to the kid. I mean would they do that with one of the young girls and Randy? I don’t think so. I don’t think they thought that out.
So to recap. The ones who advance: Lil Rounds of rebound, blind dude, country girl with the alligator daddy. Long shot possibilities: first nondescript gay dude, chubby member of McNamara’s band, droning black guy with the funny name.
Oh and they had this Puerto Rican dude they tried to de-ricanize by making him lose his accent. No chance.
I just hope he doesn’t get Paula’s email. I think he can give Lem a run for his money.
17 comments:
I need to watch this show! Hilarious.
Don't do it Darcy! The group of finalists was so much better last year. You'll never get back the hours you waste watching this year.
Thanks for talking me down, Bushman. :)
Of course I say that while being suckered in yet again myself... ;)
LOL!
Hey, if you're still around, I looked at your profile, and you list One Hundred Years of Solitude as one of your fave books. I read that last summer and it was fascinating! I don't know if I liked it, really, that's the strangest thing. But I couldn't put it down!
I might have to read it again.
Hi Darcy,
I think it made a big impression on me because I was relatively young when I discovered it and I hadn't read anything like it before. I like Marquez as a novelist. He is a true craftsmen. Most of the authors I enjoy have a unique writing style.
Well, I agree with you on the unique writing style. I'm very glad to have read it.
For something very different, I highly recommend a book called The Club of Angels by Verissimo. Smart and funny. Dark humor.
Thanks for the tip! I'm always looking for a good read. I did a quick lookup and it sounds interesting. I'll have to find some time to pick it up. Hey, maybe if I quit wasting time watch Idol!
Wasting time watching Idol,
Wasting time reading Solitude:
Either way the time goes by.
But don't listen to a bitter old nihilist:
Idle solitude, or company, wasted time's the best.
:^)
You're welcome, Bushman!
And aww...we got a poem out of ricpic. :)
Gobble Gee She is One of Us is the most creepy thing that has ever been filmed in motion picture history.
Oh I used to love Shoney's Big Boy. Are they still around?
I loved the little Big Boy.
Shoney's had special sauce on their burgers.
"This consists of him laying across the floor and bouncing up and down like he was doing a full body push up to mimic the movements of an alligator."
He was doing the Gator. It is a fraternity dance from the late 70s. Was it in Animal House? My wife recalls a version of the gator which she likened to an epileptic fit. This is not the Gator we remember, which had a prelude, then involved all the guys falling to the ground and doing something similar to the worm.
Trey
Gator! is a great yell in The Greeks don't want no Freaks, from one of the Eagles last albums.
I can't believe Tatiana is back on AI. Ugh.
Watching Idol is a waste of precious time that could be better spent on more meaningful activities.
I watched Idol last night, but I was also sampling several beers at the time, so the evening was well invested.
Harness the power of multi-tasking.
Yes, I now believe it's totally rigged. Scott, the blind guy, and Jose the Puerto Rican, were pushed for their demographic, and Tatiana is just "good television" as they say.
It's always absurd, but this time it shows and it ain't pretty.
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