Buddy Clinton Died for your Sins

William Howard Taft loved butter. He ate butter on everything. He even put it on bacon. So he needed source of fresh milk for both his growing family and expanding waistline. When he moved in to the White House he took his pet cow "Mooley Wooly" to give his family milk for the first year and an half of his administration. Due to an unfortunate barbecue accident that turned poor Mooley Wooly to hamburger, he had to find a new first cow. He selected a firm young Hoslstein which his children renamed "Pauline Wayne." Formerly named Marion Morrison this comely heifer produced copious amounts of milk and was a favorite pet of the rotund president. He often visited the beauteous bovine on the White House lawn where it grazed contentedly chewing on it cud. The President loved to have milk direct from the teat but because of his immense girth he was unable to bend over to reach the udders. So he would grab the back leg of his placid pet and tip her over so he could get to her milk engorged teats. Thus a new sensation was spawned as young men all over America would sneak into pastures to tip over cows and nuzzle at their teats. This behavior scandelized polite society and he was forced to give up his beloved bovine companion due to the strenght of public opinion.

There would not be another cow at the White House until Hillary Clinton assumed the title of First Lady.

(Buddy Clinton Died For Your Sins, Doris Kearns Goodwin, Playboy Press 2009)