Laura Bush's Diary

So I came downstairs this morning and W is all in a huff. Well a “Huffington post”. He was reading those damn blog’s again last night. I mean really you think he would have something better to do than read that crap all night long. At least he stopped reading that blonde professor’s blog. It got too boring for him when she stopped posting those photos of interesting places and started photographing parts of trees that look like Britney Spear’s cootch. Maybe the honeymoon ain’t so hot so she has to think about gay sex with trees. I don’t know what it is but it is just strange. Anyhoo, now he is reading all these political blogs and getting all hot and bothered.

You see old Barry said that everybody in Washington was getting all “wee-weed up” about what was going on. He was trying to say that everybody gets crazy in August cause its so damn hot in Washington you don’t know whether to piss or go blind. Of course he might have phrased it better. But it’s like Cheney always said, that motherfucker is really Urkel all grown up.

But that wasn’t what got W all riled up. You see he was famous for his turns of phrase. Or his wrong turns. Of course the pussies in the media made light of him all the time and tried to make him look like a moron when all he was trying to do is folks it up with a colorful phrase or two. But he never got any slack and he hates that Barry gets a pass on every fuckin’ thing.

Now W didn’t really give a shit about any of that. He never paid attention to the main stream media and never would. But he does pay attention when you are talking about pee.

I might have mentioned that both W and his dad are very fond of water sports. I mean W is never so happy as when he is getting a golden shower. And he was pissed that Barry seemed to be horning in on his action. I mean every president has to have his thing you know. Clinton had his chubby interns. Reagan liked to spank that slut bag Peggy Noonan with his heavy cordovan loafer. LBJ liked to tea bag Bill Moyers. And everybody knows about the three ways that Jack Kennedy used to have with Marilyn Monroe and Macaroni in the White House pool.

So W didn’t want Barry to horn in on his water sports action. I mean if anybody wanted to wee wee on a President he wanted to be the man. Now I let him indulge since it is really a harmless little vice. I mean he had to shoulder the load for eight long years keeping this country safe so if he wanted Ray Barone’s wife to pee on his face once in a while it is little enough you know. But he was all agitated and all so I didn’t know what to do. I mean I don’t want him to start drinking again. Then he would start peeing all over the place his ownself and I don’t like that shit at all.

Finally I had a great idea. It seems that one of W’s favorite actresses was appearing in the Vagina Monologues in Houston next week. You see Betty White was going to star and W loves Betty. She is on his list of celebrities he can bang and not get in trouble. Plus she is totally incontinent. She will piss at the drop of a hat. So I think I will just invite her over to the ranch and cheer W right up.

After all, she can be his Golden Girl. Or his Golden Shower Girl.

Whatever.