Well it has been a very busy couple of days. W’s mama had to go in for heart surgery to repair a valve and he was very worried. W loves his mamma even thought she always favored Jeb. Even after he married his housekeeper she still thought he was gonna be the one that was gonna be president after Poppy. But W fooled her and got in there first. She still begrudges him that but they have gotten closer over the years.
I always had a very difficult relationship with Big Barb. She was a lot like that Barb on that Mormon Show Big Love. She was the number one wife and had to tell everyone what to do. When she was first lady she ran things with an iron fist. And I always felt like the one that was getting fisted. Whenever something went wrong she always blamed me or W. Like that “No new taxes” thing. That wasn’t even W’s idea but Barb blamed on him because he happened to mentioned it to Poppy one night while they were doing magic mushrooms on the White House roof. Poppy got into the shrums when he was ambassador to China and he loved to fire up a cap or two and then go and bomb Sadaam or somebody like that. That’s where the thousand points of light came from. They were wasted and looking up at the stars and decided to put it in the speech. Course Poppy started snorting that Rhino horn shit and started getting really horny. Barb wasn’t into sexing him up anymore so she let him hit on some Republican volunteers. I know that Peggy Noonan bitch was into it since she loved to be humiliated ever since the Reagan administration. I mean Poppy didn’t beat her with his cordovan loafers like Dutch used to do he just gave her the occasional Cleveland Steamer in the Roosevelt Room.
Barb and I were always fussing and fighting until we learned that we both loved the rasslin’ shows. We used to go into the TV room with a bucket of chicken and a couple of bottles of tequila and lock the door and get naked and watch the show. The Big Show if you know what I mean. Barb was a fan of an earlier generation of guys like Killer Kowalski and Gorgeous George and guys like that. But she really loved the midgets. I mean she would get off on them running around between other people legs and stuff. She always used to say “Oh Laura what I would give to get a midget between my legs.” Well when I heard that I decided to cement our relationship for once and all. I invited Barb and Poppy over one weekend to the Texas governor’s mansion and sent Poppy over with W to plan the invasion of Iraq or some such shit. Then Barb and I went to the TV room. But I had a special guest. I had invited Sky Low Low the midget champion over. Well let me tell you that little sucker still had all the moves. And he was a big man where it counts. It all went great especially the part where Sky put on a shower cap and rammed himself in there head first. I mean I tied a board around his ass so he wouldn’t fall in but he and Barb had a grand old time. She was inconsolable when he died of a heart attack in 1998.
Anyway I hope she is feeling better. When I went to see her I bent over and told her we were praying for her. And if she was a good girl and got better I would invite her over to meet the Haiti Kid and Lord Littlebrook for some tag team action.
She smiled and is already sitting up. I think she is on the road to a full recovery.
I always had a very difficult relationship with Big Barb. She was a lot like that Barb on that Mormon Show Big Love. She was the number one wife and had to tell everyone what to do. When she was first lady she ran things with an iron fist. And I always felt like the one that was getting fisted. Whenever something went wrong she always blamed me or W. Like that “No new taxes” thing. That wasn’t even W’s idea but Barb blamed on him because he happened to mentioned it to Poppy one night while they were doing magic mushrooms on the White House roof. Poppy got into the shrums when he was ambassador to China and he loved to fire up a cap or two and then go and bomb Sadaam or somebody like that. That’s where the thousand points of light came from. They were wasted and looking up at the stars and decided to put it in the speech. Course Poppy started snorting that Rhino horn shit and started getting really horny. Barb wasn’t into sexing him up anymore so she let him hit on some Republican volunteers. I know that Peggy Noonan bitch was into it since she loved to be humiliated ever since the Reagan administration. I mean Poppy didn’t beat her with his cordovan loafers like Dutch used to do he just gave her the occasional Cleveland Steamer in the Roosevelt Room.
Barb and I were always fussing and fighting until we learned that we both loved the rasslin’ shows. We used to go into the TV room with a bucket of chicken and a couple of bottles of tequila and lock the door and get naked and watch the show. The Big Show if you know what I mean. Barb was a fan of an earlier generation of guys like Killer Kowalski and Gorgeous George and guys like that. But she really loved the midgets. I mean she would get off on them running around between other people legs and stuff. She always used to say “Oh Laura what I would give to get a midget between my legs.” Well when I heard that I decided to cement our relationship for once and all. I invited Barb and Poppy over one weekend to the Texas governor’s mansion and sent Poppy over with W to plan the invasion of Iraq or some such shit. Then Barb and I went to the TV room. But I had a special guest. I had invited Sky Low Low the midget champion over. Well let me tell you that little sucker still had all the moves. And he was a big man where it counts. It all went great especially the part where Sky put on a shower cap and rammed himself in there head first. I mean I tied a board around his ass so he wouldn’t fall in but he and Barb had a grand old time. She was inconsolable when he died of a heart attack in 1998.
Anyway I hope she is feeling better. When I went to see her I bent over and told her we were praying for her. And if she was a good girl and got better I would invite her over to meet the Haiti Kid and Lord Littlebrook for some tag team action.
She smiled and is already sitting up. I think she is on the road to a full recovery.
8 comments:
True story- I heard a radio interview last week where the proud husband (GHWB-isn't that a date rape drug?) told the radio host that the family was wondering if the replacement aortic valve (of swine origin) would cause Mom to oink at the table. Man, the old fucker better be suffering from some serious memory disorder because Barb gonna so slap the read my lips no new taxes lips off his wrinkly mug. He better hope they have to box her at the hospital or he's dead.
I think its nice that Titus sent you his picture for your blog post.
"Read my lips;" another reason I can't stand Poppy.
And I always felt that Babs, who had that All-American pioneer woman of the people look down pat, was another kettle of fish altogether.
That's Dr. Strangeloaf? Heh.
You got talent Trooper . What the hell you doing taxes for?
I got to get out of the accounting game AJ. I want to work with my wife. She needs me. I will be doinng this stuff on the side.
But just as a hobby. You know. Like whacking off.
C'mon, TY, you're at least a Pro-Am.
I am only kidding. You do what you gotta do to make a living. I can tell you are not afraid of hard work. You probably worked more than one job for a good part of your life. So have I.
Blake said Pro-Am. Heh good one.
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