Toot’s Shors Saloon, August 21, 1962(Joe DiMaggio walks into Toots Shore’s saloon, what he doesn’t know is that his ex wife Marilyn Monroe is sitting in the back)
Toots: Hey Joe, how ya doing….ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back… again ….just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, not like the last couple of times, can you try it keep it friendly. …. why don’t you just go up and say hello.(Joe walks to the back to say hello and stands in front of her table)
Marilyn: (stands up and kisses Joe on the Cheek and says in a breathy sexy voice) Hi Joe. Did you miss me? (Marilyn sits down opposite Joe, and as she does her legs are really open. She is definitely not wearing any underwear, but she does seem a little worse for wear )
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Of course he missed ya kid.
Marilyn: So Joe. How have you been? Have you been seeing anybody lately? You know I divorced Artie. I know I told you. That bastard! He put me in the nut house. The nut house Joe!
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: Yeah I heard about that keed. That’s a shame.
Marilyn: Everybody thinks I am crazy. I know I am just fine. It’s just that all my old friends have dropped me. Sinatra won’t return my calls. Dean Martin is nice and all but he has no time for me. Even Jack Kennedy won’t let me blow him and he would take a blow job from Helen Thomas for Christ sake and she looks like Fred Flintstone. Why does everyone hate me Joe?
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t think they hate you kid. I guess the craziness is just too much for them. I mean you can only be crazy for so long before people just don’t want to be around you anymore. They move on is all. Plus Frank is banging that little Mia Farrow chick. Dino is married now and Jack…well I don’t know about Jack… I think he is worried about those Chinks over in Vietnam and is having trouble getting it up….at least that’s the rumor.
Marilyn: That’s not it you stupid hebe. It seems that someone got a hold of some naked pictures of me to show Jack. And they were passing them around. I bet that creep Johnson was beating his meat to them. I don’t what the problem is he always liked to see me naked. He liked to fuck me too Joe. Does that piss you off? The President loved to schtup me every chance he got.
Toots: Ok keed, don’t get excited.
Marilyn: Well I ain’t the only one with naked pictures. I still have that one of you with you schlong hanging out. You know the one you are so proud of. The picture not the schlong. If you were proud of that you would of used it to fuck me more and we wouldn’t have got divorced. Maybe I will send that picture over to the White House. Waddaya think of that you stupid dago!
Joe DiMaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.
Joe DiMaggio: Get me Hoover on the phone.
Toots Shor: But Joe that’s just the kind of leverage that little fairy wants.
Joe DiMaggio: He owes me one. I got Charley Lucky to make Lepke surrender to him. That made that little fanook.
Toots: You sure Joe?
Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUP!!!!
3 comments:
That Joe DiMaggio sure can carry a conversation.
If it didn't shrink to button size in the shower - and it didn't - Dimadge was okay in that department.
Hey that why Joe whon the Silver Slugger so many years in a row. It's all about the bat.
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