Laura Bush's Diary,

So this morning I come down for breakfast and W is all mumbly and muttery under his breath. I hate when he does that because that’s what that pop eyed twat of a mother of his always did. Always muttering under her breath. I mean every time Jeb comes over with his little Mexican wife old Barb is muttering stuff like “Jose Jimenez Bitch and Topo Giggio twat” and stuff like that.

Anyhoo I told W to spit it out and stop the mumbling. Well he started going on and on about how Barry had set up this website so the commies can email the names of people who are against his health care fiasco so they can start an enemies list or some such bullshit. W was all pissed because when we were tracking the terrorist thought the phone companies all the liberal pussies got their panties in a twist but know it is A-OK to have informers ratting out their fellow citizens. Jeez didn’t he see Nello’s video about snitching. Somebody might bust a cap in his half a cracker ass.

So we are going back and forth and I had to tell W to chill cause it ain’t our problem anymore. Let Sarah Palin worry about it. Hee. But all this talking did make a light bulb go off in my head. I had to say “W, maybe this is a good time for us to talk about the List.”

Now I am sure that you guys have “The List” in your marriage. That is when you make a list of the five people you can have sex with and not get in trouble. Now most of the time that is a fantasy for a lot of people because they pick famous celebrities and movie stars that they will never come in contact with so there is no chance that it will ever happen. But the funny thing is that we have actually been “Lucky” I guess because we actually have “met” up with some of the people on our lists.

You see over the years we have done the deed with four out of the five people on each of our lists. W did the horizontal bop with Pam Grier and Sandy Duncan and Joyce Bulifant. Oh and Julia Child. Don’t ask what that is about it’s a mommy thing.

I have managed to meet up with Gorilla Monson and Officer Joe Bolton and Bo Belinsky and Chief Jay Strongbow. So you see we each had used up four out of our five free passes. And now I thought it was time that we revise our last choices.

You see W’s last choice was Bea Arthur he had a thing for her ever since he saw her on Broadway when he was a kid. Yeah I know not Adrienne Barbeau but Bea Arthur. I told you he had this messed up mother thing going on. But Bea has just recently past and I though maybe I could cheer W up if I let him pick a substitute.

You see my fifth person had passed on a while ago. You see I always wanted to bang Wilt Camberlin. Yes that’s right Wilt the Stilt. I mean I know he said he screwed twenty thousand women but once you have the best you would forget about all the rest.

I used to watch every game he played that was on TV. I remember him on the Warriors and especially on the Lakers. All the boys wore those short shorts back then I and remember him palming the ball in his big soft hands and I could just imagine him palming me sweet young ass as he went strong to the hole. And remember him in Conan when he totally outclassed that Austrian Asshole with the tiny testicles. Him on the camel with his big spear. Heaven!

But you see when Wilt passed a couple of years ago I didn’t want to bring it up because I didn’t want W to think I had the itch. It had been a few years since either of us had done anything like that and we were in a good place. So I let it slide…..But I figured I would broach it to him now and maybe it would cheer him up.

Well that little Dickens jumped at the chance. He said “Barb honey that’s a great idea. I already have someone in mind.” “Really” I said. “Who Megan Fox or Shannon Elizabeth or maybe that chimpmuck cheek cunt from Jerry Mcguire?” “No none of them.” “Ok W I give up. Who?” “Betty White.”

What a freak. I mean he is getting crazy. I told him “W you can do better than that. Why such an old broad?” “ Well Barb, she might be old but she’s tight. Cheney has a photo it’s just about that big. Just right.”

So what could I do? If he wants to play pass word with an octogenarian twat who I am to complain.

Oh by the way.

Mike Tyson here I come.