Saturday, June 21, 2008

Strike three and you’re out. My Top Ten Sports Movies of all time.

10. Bend it like Beckham. Yeah I know a fucking soccer movie. But it has that hot dot head bitch from ER and the skinny twat from King Arthur. And lots of girl on girl bonding. It’s just a fun movie and we have to have one soccer movie for the rest of the world that doesn’t have real sports.

9. Cinderella Man. A great underrated boxing movie. It shows some of how corrupt boxing can be. The John Adams pinot noir guy does a great job as the manager and really shows how tough it can be in the fight game. Russell Crowe makes a very believable hero and that chimp muck cheeked cunt wasn’t too bad as the love interest.

8. Eight Men Out which is about the Black Sox scandal and not Titus’s softball team. A good historical retelling of the scandal but it kind of glosses over how much fixing was really going on in baseball at the time. Still an outstanding baseball movie.

7. Invincible (2006) with Marky Mark as Philly Eagle scrub Vince Papale who won an off the street tryout to play with the Eagles. As much as I hate the Eagles I have to say this movie is a lot of fun.

6. Personal Best (1982) Hot Olympic Lesbian action with a dewy Mariel Hemingway using Olympic athlete Patrice Donnelly as her own personal monkey bars. As good an Olympic movie as you are going to come across since the Olympics basically suck.

5. Jim Thorpe -- All-American (1951) with Burt Lancaster as the great Jim Thorpe who got screwed out of his trophies. An old fashioned bio-pic with a sports background.

4. Cobb (1994) with Tommy Lee Jones as the aging psycho legend Ty Cobb. It has one of my favorite sequences in sports movie history:

Louis Prima: With all the great players playing ball right now, how well do you think you would do against today's pitchers?
Ty Cobb: Well, I figure against today's pitchers I'd only probably hit about .290
Louis Prima: .290? Well that's amazing, because you batted over .400 a... a whole bunch of times. Now tell us all, we'd all like to know, why do you think you'd only hit .290?
Ty Cobb: Well, I'm 72 fucking years old you ignorant son of a bitch.

3. Gentlemen Jim (1942) with Errol Flynn as James J Corbett and Ward Bond as James L Sullivan. A grand old fashioned film which is very entertaining and better than most of the pap we see these days.

2. The Great White Hope (1970) with James Earl Jones as the boxing great Jack Johnson. A period piece that is true to its period, 1970. But still very entertaining.

1. Pride of the Yankees. (1943) with the great Gary Cooper as Lou Gehrig. Since it is a Yankee movie it has to be the best of all time. But it had Babe Ruth playing himself as well as Jumping Joe Dugan and Bill Dickey. One of the all time classics.


Now some of your film nerds (blake) might say where is Raging Bull. Well this is part of my continuing effort to show that Martin Scorsese is wildly overrated as he keeps repeating himself over and over again.

Honorable mention goes to the following films: Fear Strikes Out, Major League, The Rookie, Rocky, Somebody up there Likes Me, Tin Cup, Bull Durham, Rudy, The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh, Fastbreak, The Jackie Robinson Story, Hoosiers, The Babe Ruth Story, Kill the Umpire, The Fan, Seabiscuit, and The Stratton Story.

10 comments:

Meade said...

Back home in Indiana, all we watch is Breaking Away. Except for Hoosiers of course

Trooper York said...

Hoosiers almost made the cut but got beat out by a hot indian chick and superhot lesbian action. What can I say.

I am glad you are a Red's fan so I don't have to explain why the Indians movie Major Leauge sucked so hard. Although both might make my list of top ten lousy movies with Indians in it.

DaLawGiver said...

Ron Howard AKA Opie, really made Jethro Bodine's dad, Max Baer, look like a thuggish animal in Cinderella Man while in reality he was the lovable party guy. Jethro is plenty pissed. Did I mention Jethro always packs a 9MM Glock? Opie doesn't have those body guards for nothing. The life of the real Max Baer would have made a much better story.

Trooper York said...

I agree. Hey did you ever see the Harder They Fall with Humphrey Bogart? That's a great boxing movie. I already used it in another list so I didn't want to repeat myself. Anyway, Max Baer is a character in that movie as well and also didn't fare so well. Isn't that interesting?

Trooper York said...

Hey dude, I want lots of Cowboy updates this season. Hey did they sign all the criminals available with NFL level talent? I mean OJ is old and all but maybe he can return kicks on special teams or something?

DaLawGiver said...

I think Jessica split, but I'm not sure. I wouldn't wish her on anyone.

Pacman no longer wants to be called Pacman. He now is The Player Formerly Known as Pacman.

We are vigilant in our efforts to recruit the cream of the criminal class. Rest assured if a good criminal is available, Jerry will try to recruit him.

Trooper York said...

Well I can't bust on you too much since my man Ahmad Bradshaw is in the slammer. What a dope. Not a doper, just a dope! Why can't somebody arrest Shocky for crying out loud.

Hey would it be ok if I sent Tony Romo the phone number for Miley Cyrus. I mean we have the Lance Rentzel precedent and all ya know.

All kidding aside, the Boys are the team I fear this year. If they don't do all their recuirting at Rikers Island and can get a nice hooker for Romo so he can concerntrate on football, you guys are gonna be bitches to play this year. Seriously call up Governor Spitzer, I bet he's got a bunch of numbers for Tony.

rcocean said...

Personal best was a sports movie?

All I remember is the hot lesbian sex. It really pumped my iron.

Trooper York said...

Hey if that's not a sport I don't know what is. Besides competitive masturbating is called Congress. I am just glad to maintain my amateur standing.

blake said...

Cindarella Man would've been a lot better with a sympathetic hero, and it doesn't help that Baer's reputation is a lot better than the monster portrayed.

Raging Bull--my reaction is "meh". Nicely photographed biopic about a waste of oxygen.

I'd add Miracle, a great Olympics movie. Kurt Russell was robbed at Oscar time.

I'd also add the original Angels in the Outfield, but I'm not sure that's a sports movie.

Jim Thorpe is one of my ma's favorites--grew up with it. Also Brian's Song.

Does Rollerball count as a sports movie? What about Harry Potter with Quidditcc? Heh.