We are interviewing the new maid today. I never thought I was gonna have a maid. We always did that stuff ourselves. The wife is a neat freak and is always cleaning and yelling at me when I am making a mess cooking or whatever. But we work about 80 hours a week and we have no time to clean or do laundry or what not. I used to send the laundry out but it is more economical to have a maid do it. She also works three days a week in the store. We have a pristine looking store, By a mile the cleanest on Court St. Everything dusted and cleaned every week. Nobody does what we do.
Our current maid quit this week and we are interviewing. This one lady is from Jamaica but had moved to England when she was a kid so she has a Jamaican/English accent. I told the wife "Well you didn't get Hazel but maybe you got Mary Poppins." The wife went crazy....she loves Mary Poppins. She has been singing Mary Poppins songs all morning.
We made up a list of questions. I only had one. Would she wear a funny hat and carry an umbrella?
34 comments:
Wow, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious! I hope she feeds the birds and makes the medicine go down better. But beware she's a slut and cavorts with the chimney sweep.
The one you really want is Rose.
She'll be with you for years, or at least 68 episodes.
TY: "Would you wear a funny hat and carry an umbrella?"
JMP: "WTF? I thought you wanted the house cleaned."
Until someone has run their own biz, they don't know how many hours it takes. When we were both working full time we had a maid, lawn guy and even a fluffer!
I have a butler. His name is Mr. Coffee.
Oh yeah and if she doesn't work out you can always tell her to go fly a kite.
Allen, I have a personal floor washer, his name is Mr.Clean.
It's nice to have help, Allie.
My maid drives a Mercedes.
Go figure.
I would suggest you do not share with your new maid your posts about Nanny and the Professor. She might not get the joke.
I would also not send her this link.
Fred, We saw this play on Broadway ~10 years ago. The classic part played by the great, Zero Mostel was played by David Alan Grier. He was ok...but no Mostel.
I never saw that play live (or unfortunately Zero Mostel live), but I always liked Zero Mostel when I saw him on TV.
Also Trooper, don't do an Austin Powers impersionation wheere you say in a cheesy British accent: "Jamaican me horny!"
What if she is hot and has big tits?
And when she cleans she doesn't wear a bra and nipples slip out?
And she wears tight little short short and you can see part of her beave?
And when she bends down you can see her tight ass crack?
Then what?
Tits.
Titus, you may be a straight man trapped in a gay personna. Are you voting for Jon Huntsman?
Top funniest tweets of 2011
H/T: Dicentra.
Until someone has run their own biz, they don't know how many hours it takes.
Pffft. When I was working full time, I just let everything go to Hell.
Ain't called Dust Bunny for nothing :-D
Check for a talking parrot. They're worse than sockpuppets and ball busters! for trying to steal real (and necessarily limited) human interaction from its legitimate targets.
Well she seems very nice. She is a single mom from the Bronx who really needs the job. So we hired here and we will see how it goes.
I told her she really has only one job.
She just has to realize that whatever she does....the only thing she has to make sure of....is that she can't make my wife yell at me because of something she did. Just sayn'
I haven't seen Mary Poppins in so long. I'm not even sure my son has seen it. This is a nice reminder to add it to Netflix.
And looks like somebody's socks are too tight! lol
I'll do a background check, gratis. It will be your Christmas present, instead of a big block of cheese! I sense you don't need to be bound up anymore than you already are.
Old people have the wisdom to avoid tight socks, as they cut off the blood flow. They need every oxygenated and juiced up cell to help them remember how forgiving they are before they start rambling on with nonsense about pennies and green genes.
Whatever, sport.
The issues with the maid are 1) how soon she slacks off from squeaky cleaning to sorta cleaning 2) how long before she starts lifting jewelry and/or nicknacks.
I was going to say your best bet is an immigrant but are foreign cultures any less caught in the back sliding from the 10 commandments than ours?
Every now and then my scrooge-meter kicks in. Ergo the previous post. And no, underneath I'm NOT a nice guy.
Nice, Troop. Reduce things to the lowest common denominator and it simplifies everything. I told a girl I hired (who also attended my church---big mistake) that the first rule of working here was this: Don't piss me off. She didn't believe me.
Did she have nice tits?
I think it would be hot seeing a maid wax the floor with her tits.
Back and forth up and down all around circles small circles tall.
Also, washing the windows with her tits would be interesting as well.
tits.
And instead of a bristle brush using her vagine with long hairs to polish the crystal.
Wow, Trooper's moving on up.
Fish don't fry in the kitchen;
Beans don't burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin',
Just to get up that hill.
Is she Sassy with a wisecrack for every occasion?
Actually I asked if she could be the sassy Jamacian Maid and make me pancakes with ganga in them....and my wife hit me with a frying pan.
I am very conflicted about having a maid. I remember how my mom cleaned the whole house with us to help her but she didn't have a business to run. So I can accept it. And I make a mess. Because I have a maid. If I didn't have a maid I would be more careful. But I don't want to put her out of a job.
Hey, you're one of those job-making millionaire unicorns!
Those are some seriously left-leaning tweets there, Fred.
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