Remembrance of things Pabst

We have been exceptionally busy this week at the store so we had to eat out a couple of times this week. Now I have written before about the difference between hipster dofous joints and the place regular guys go. Don't get me wrong. I will go to the hipster dofous joint to give it a chance. Hey who knows I might be surprised. But I will be willing to give them a chance. So the wife and I decided to go to this new German Joint that opened in the old OTB space on Sackett Street and Court. It is called Buschenchank. What a mistake. It should have been called Buchenwald.

You see most of these hipster cafeterias are the same shit. You are jammed into a space with a whole bunch of people right up your ass and in your business. Buchenwald has all the people "concentrated" in long family style tables. Who the fuck wants to eat family style when you are going out for a quiet dinner with your wife. Shit I don't even like to eat family style when I am with my fucking family. I especially don't want to sit next some Brad Gortesky clone in his skinny jeans talking to some girl who can't figure out if the dude is gay or not. And their conversation! All about how they need to raise taxes on the rich and how their student loans should get forgiven! WHAT THE FUCK!

Anyway the hostess twat wasn't at the front desk so we had to walk all the way to the middle of the joint before she saw us and came over to seat us. She wanted to put us in the middle of two boisterous groups at a long family style table but said no way. So we got one of the high tables along the bar. In the corner next to the window. Which might be ok in the summer when the windows are open but effectively hid us as if we were Charles Bronsen tunneling out of the Stalag. So we sat there for about twenty minutes without anybody acknowledging us or giving us a menu or anything. It wasn't so bad because the wife was texting some work stuff and we were working while I kept trying to get someone's attention. Finally I said fuck this shit and went to find the hostess. She was at the bar eating. I said excuse me can you send over a waitress please. She says sure and calls over this one girl who I noticed was serving half the restaurant. She was the real waitress. You know how that goes.

You see there were a bunch of skinny assholes all dressed in black standing near the pickup window looking confused. They were the pretend waiters. They didn't know what they were doing but the pretended like they were wait staff. They were hired because they were cute or they the owner or something. This German broad was the only one who knew what she was doing. She drops the menus off and I ask for a wine list. Her eyes lit up. She got it then. She had a live one.

You see the Brad Grotesky douche and his vaguely oriental date were sitting next to us. They had split a pizza and ordered one glass of wine each. They nursed them the whole time we were there although they got four bottles of the free tap water. How much do you think those scumbags tipped?

Anyhoo I ordered a bottle of wine. Another disappointment. The most expensive bottle of wine was an off vintage Valpoicelli that is usually a cheaper alternative on a wine list. Here it was the primo selection. But I got it anyway. We ordered appetizers and I put in the main course order as well because who knew how fucking long it would take to get to us. But the Fraulien had the picture. She knew we weren't the usual suspects who nursed one drink and wouldn't order anything. So the food came out right away,

Well the wife's pizza sucked which was surprising since the guy who owns this joint also owns South Brooklyn Pizza and PJ Hanley's and the pizza there is great. But they must be using different guys because the goat cheese pizza with the portabella mushrooms and arugula was not that good. I got the burger. I always get a burger at a new joint. You can always tell what kind of a place it is from the burger. You can go into the worst hole in the wall place but if the burger is great then you know that the rest of the menu might be worth explore. Here the burger was tiny, cooked incorrectly and the cheese that they put on it wasn't enough to cover the postage stamp meat. It totally sucked. What a shithole.

We didn't make a big thing about because how could you do that? It is what it is. I politely called for the check and left a very generous tip. It wasn't the girls fault. But now if any of my pretentious foodie friends want to go to this place I can demur with a clear conscience.

You see I will never go to eat a meal in Buchenwald again.

Even if they gave me a free tattoo.