Hell Needs A New PA Announcer

Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: Yeah we might as well. Who do we have in the last bus?
Forcas: Well we have several people. We have Soul Singer Dobie Grey. He wasn't really sick. He just sort of drifted away.
Lucifer: Wow I didn't even know he was sick. But music guys never work out. Look at all the problems we had with Janis. She kept trying to blow all of the demons instead of reading the announcements. Who else you got?
Forcas: We have famous mo and rare clumber breeder Alan Sues.
Lucifer: Oh Dude not another Laugh-In douche bag. I hate them. Although I can't wait till Goldie Hawn shows up. I am going to force her to be married. To a Mormon. And seven other sister wives. Remind Moroni to get that together for me. Who else have we got.
Forcas: Well we have a famous film star of the forties and fifties. But I don't think he will work as PA Announcer because......
Lucifer: Hey that's my decision Forcas. You are only an assistant fallen Angel. I make the decisions around here. Bring them in. Jeez I hope it somebody fun like Angela Lansbury or Olivia DeHaviland. The Murder She Wrote shit means she is gonna burn here for all eternity. Shut up and bring them in.
Forcas: Right away Sire!
Cheetah: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas he pops up and starts walking on his knuckles and beating on his chest) Uggga buggga!!! Uggga buggga!!!
Lucifer: WHAT THE FUCK! A MONKEY! ARE YOU KIDDING ME FORCAS?.
Forcas: No my Dread Lord. He is technically a movie star and he was sent here because the Big Guy hates Chimps. He loves gorillas and orangutans but he hates Chimps. He says they remind him of Judas.
Lucifer: What a bunch of bullshit. I mean I know I invented affirmative action and everything but this is too much. He can't be a PA Announcer.
Cheetah: (He scratches under his arm and then starts masturbating) Ugga buggga! Ugga bugga!
Lucifer: Get him the fuck out of here. I know. Have him go and bang the shit out of Maureen O'Sullivan. There was nothing I can do to make her suffer that could ever compare to having Woody Allen as a son in law. Fucking a monkey that she hated should work.
Forcas: Very well my lord. Who will we have announcing today?
Lucifer: I don't know. How about Dandy Don Meredith. I want to see his face when the Giants beat down his Cowboys this weekend. I love to see people suffer. It's so good to be bad.