American Idol is Back...and Steven Tyler is a freaking Perv!

So American Idol is back and we get to see the first few auditions. And as usual it was kind of a freak show.

You see the are using the old formula that Roone Arledge patented with the "Wide World of Sports." You see even in the Olympics most people didn't give a shit about the competitors since the only ones they knew were the boxers. So they started making little video vignettes about the competitors that would humanize them and give the audience a rooting interest. So any competitive reality show does the same thing.

This year they started out with the "Tent Girl" Amy Brumfield. She is basically a drunken whore with a drug problem who lives in a forest in a tent. Her boyfriend looks like the guy they arrest at end of "Criminal Minds" and they live in a tent in the woods. Supposedly she has been arrested six times in the last seven years so maybe she learned to sing some of those sad spirituals on the chain gang or something. She won't last.

Then they had this six foot tall fifteen year old kid who brings her whole family in after she sings. She is pretty good but what makes her different is that her father was a big league pitcher with the Cards. This is when Steven Tyler steps in it and shows why he should be on "To Catch a Predator" instead of Idol. He praises her and the city of Savannah where the auditions are by saying that this kid is "“hot, humid and happening, just like your daughter." The dad looked like he wanted to bean him with a fastball. What bullshit! I mean seriously. This dude is like eighty fuckin years old and he is perving on a 15 year old kid. They got to reign this shit in. Seriously.

Then they had a wedding singer who can actually sing named Van Pelt who is no relation to Brad Van Pelt the old linebacker from the Giants. However she did say that the Giants are going to win the super bowl so I am rooting for her.

They had a Kim Jong Il impersonator who wore a hat through the whole audition. He can't sing for shit but they need him to satisfy the diversity comittee.

They have a girl who sang while her sister planked. But she won't go far because Steven Tyler said he wouldn't plank either one of them with Simon Cowells dick.

Finally they have this chick named Holly Day who tried to overdose on drugs and found salvation with a dude who looks like an Amish serial killer. She has a hideous bleached blond hairdo only found on "Blondie" tribute bands and college instructors in second tier law schools. Steve pervs on her as well and they put her through. She will make the main show and will hit on one of the other contestants and drop the Amish dude and he will go to his job at the post office and it all end badly.

But what the fuck. At least we will be entertained.