We just had to have our fuckin' teeth whitened for the commercial. It cost over $800 and the dentist gave me break because I am putting him in the show. Holy shit. I should have just painted them with those little jars of white paint that I used to buy when I was making my airplane models. What a fucking rip-off.
And you know what is even worse? No red wine. No red sauce. No espresso. I want to kill myself.
20 comments:
Are we going to recognize you?
I bleach my teeth once every couple of years.
Pearly white teeth are very nice.
tits.
I hope nobody recognizes me.
I look like the fuckin Cheshire cat or something.
No red sauce?
Come on.
How do they enforce that?
That is just painful and totally wrong.
tits.
Bummer, can you have coffee? Oh the price of fame.
I've read about people and how they change when they become famous, influential, and fabulously wealthy, but I don't recall seeing anything about espresso and red sauce. I suppose Red Man is out, too?
Shoot, bubba, how you gonna git by wit out no chaw?
White wine and brie for you.
You're getting dangerously close to hipster doofus land.
Never Chip.
It's fettucine alfredo and a double vodka. Clear stuff. I can make it work.
And instead of espresso with my dessert it will be some pure distilled grappa. Bene.
Hey. Tell them to fuck off. Be a man.
And linguine with clam sauce. Who doesn't like a little clam sauce?
Titus, maybe.
You mean after you whiten you can't have that stuff at all? Or just for a period of time?
Rinse with hydrogen peroxide after every swallow, just don't get confused and swallow the peroxide.
From the nurse, don't swallow.
Cheer up, at least they'll match the coat.
Maybe the producer has forgotten the Rule about White Tigers who Appear Tame. Touch their whiskers and live to see another day. Bop them smartly on the nose with a microphone, and it's a whole new show.
Roy, the other white meat.
Waiter: And for Mr. Trooper, his usual, white on rice.
Troop: Did you double down on the pepper, worcestershire sauce, balsamic vinegar and tabasco sauce like I told you, waiter? And the anchovies? Shoot me, waiter, please shoot me.
I've thought about doing some kind of whitening thing, but I don't think they're all safe?
Power sander, for example.
Red lips! White "tooths"!
(Bet none of you remember how many times I saw that, much less in addition why for many of those viewings, and how it affected my work life for, oh, something like 13 years--don't feel like going back and figuring it out, exactly, at the moment.)
; ) + big : )
That's exactly what I thought, R.
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