Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Wacky World of Carol Herman


Carol_Herman said...
Mitt Romney is the "McCain" pick. You know I how I know this? I was picking my ass and the nugget I pulled out had it written on it like a fortune cookie!

And, McCain couldn't get beyond 48%. I don't know why that is but I just like to read off numbers. Like my IQ. It's the same as my shoe size so it is easy to remember.

He wasn't picked by the GOP voters because they liked him, either! They picked him because they hated him. That's how I picked my first three husbands. It easier to put a pillow over their face that way.

Obama was actually picked ... because he was liked way more than Hillary! Plus he was black. They always pick black people when they are choosing up a side. Unless it is a spelling bee.

And, ya know what McCain said that proved to be sheer lunacy? And I know because sheer lunacy is my stock in trade. In fact I wanted to start a nylon stocking company with that name but the Chinks wouldn't let me open a factory because they said I was a lunatic.

He said the press loved him. What a dope. The press doesn't love him. Not like all the people here that love me. You really really love me. Like that Flying Nun twat Prince Fielder.

And, he'd get all of Hillary's voters. Because he looks like a middle aged woman. Especially in the cankles.

Plus, McCain believed no white person would vote for a black person! How do I know this. It was also on the fortune I picked out of the nugget from my ass. That how buster.

McCain's an idiot. Let me tell you something.
It takes one to know one.

26 comments:

blake said...

This particular series makes my head hurt.

Trooper York said...

It's even worse in the original hermanese.

The Dude said...

Do you suppose Cain Herman is related to Carol?

MamaM said...

Do all Hossaronis speak the same language?

Humor, the divine butcher as Padre Corso yawped once.

Does a Pinker offer something beyond what the french professor provides, or what neurology people do? (could Stevie conjugate preterite of ser y estar, o etre et avoir?un f-n likely)


Posted by Ezra Hound on 04/30 at 10:52 AM @ Michael Berube

MamaM said...

It ain't fresh, that's for sure.

Put your blog up, texass basura. Or are you too scared.

Hey Tejano-puto, as I said before,step in a ring, and talk some sh**t, legal n proper. Not my fault your mama-puta never taught you the meaning of Honor,or manhood for that matter. Capichay, lil light of mine?


And one more time, posted under it's own name:

Humor--the divine butcher (Corso)

by J @Lutheran Surrealism, Oct 7, 2009

Some phrases must stick like glue in the mind.

MamaM said...

Gregory is here, sober, and very with it. When I ran into him on the 4th of July he looked like a 21st Century carpetbagger, or 15th century monk: long linen gown, weird rope-like belt, hair mottled over his sweaty face, wine bottle dangerously wavering, woman wrapped around his arm, speech and index finger somehow balancing his whole body, which stopped to talk--articulate, but unreceptive (thats how it is when you're drunk).

"Hey man, you got your hundred back...that game's finished, man." Once I gave Gregory a hundred dollars to take a cab to meet me and the rest of our party uptown. He never arrived--going off to his own party of his own-- unleashing the miracle ticket to speedball heaven in the bat of an eye.

Jump a beat back to Naropa, and I'm asking drunken Greg about his kid's name. Gregory's 'Socratic Rap':

[We started the morning by people in the audience reciting lines of poetry especially dear to them, and letting Corso riff on them. After 10 minutes or so of this, Corso adjusted his bifoculs and got down to business--very together, like a hipster professor, or a Lenny Bruce ready for his lecture.]

"Ok, here's the shot on Socratic Rap," Corso said, emphasising 'shot' like it was the flesh of an image we were all familiar with--or a literal hypodermic, loaded with the heaviest dose of life itself. "Socrates, in ancient Greece, could talk about anything, man, and did talk about everything--it didn't matter what it was--he would work out what he wanted with what was happening ...there's a great line by John Donne...dig this...I was standing on the world's loveliest floor...Now he's describing the 12 room Acropolis in Athens during an eclipse...anyway...I'm gonna do this rap thing a little differently, 'cuz there are really only eight things--an' there always have been--to deal with in Life with a capital fuckin' 'L', and I'll lay 'em out for ya: TRUTH-- vomp...it always stops you from taking the next step... GOD... LOVE--you got yer love shot...FAITH/HOPE/CHARITY-- that's my 'Buddist' nod of the hat [he nods]...BEAUTY-- thats a shot...DEATH--you got yer death shot... MONEY... [audience laughs] tough shot... HUMOR--that's a good shot...Humor's the Divine Butcher--gets rid of all the shit.

Out of all the hipsters who were present during the Beat Conference, Corso is the only one who has retained a true 'hipster' persona--largely accomplished by the dead- eye savagery in his delivery--especially in his contemplative 'thow-away' moments.


Post Angelic Musings for The Electronic Beat by Nile Southern
(c) 1994

Titus said...

I don't understand any of these postings.

Make it simple and easy to decipher.

Tits.

Clouds.

Loafs.

MamaM said...

Someone's missing humor and a clue but this time around it's not Mama Hossaroni.

Titus said...

I start my Cloud job next Monday and I will need to be very professional, yet laid back and cool.

Think Jeans and t's yet brains.

Clouds

MamaM said...

Not you Titus. In recent days the MamaM has grown more appreciative of your unique style, genes or no.

Titus said...

Thanks MamaM, I like you too!

Special Hugs!

Titus said...

I used to drink soda until 5 years ago and now I only drink water and juice in the morning.

I am really enjoying drinking water.

It feels really good.

I also shaved my pussy this weekend and that feels good too.

Titus said...

I am also into extra virgin olive oil and Dr. Hauschka skin care products.

MamaM said...

the regs start laughing out loud at its talent nite schtick.

Really? Does it sound like this?

i have detected a real lack of class in ole J i mean he was welcomed and then he spits and shits and slaps to no end...maybe he needs the attention i don't know

Or

Yes, J Is like a pair of panties. (He's beneath a dress).
ZING!


Or

With most of us here there is some kind of Venn diagram overlap allowing for an appeal to a common value. I can't find that with J.

Or

With J. I see nothing at all in common.
I don't think he has any values at all.
So how do you appeal to such a blockhead?


OR

J. tends to jump on one fact and then harps on it, and can't pull back and see the larger picture... You finally pin him down and get him to admit that he made it up and was just gassing on, and then he just flits on and throws another bunch of half-facts...ultimately, I don't see how he will make any sense to anyone. I think quite frankly that he's insane.

Or


Here's a bit that gives you an inkling -- he keeps calling me Stein, as if it's clever...

I suppose that Jacques does something like this when he's teasing those to the left, but suffice it to say, it doesn't ever seem to sink below a certain level.

And maybe there are people who prefer this kind of challenge -- I'm going to punch you, I'm going to jack you up. I find it appallingly puerile, along with the Jewish taunts.


Or

However, for those of you who want to continue talking with him, go right on.

It sends up my numbers, which I like. When he came in, he was a bit more polite, and I had hoped I might learn something.

Now it's just endless scurrilous diatribes.

That kind of thing does send the numbers up (many blogs -- like althouse's) seem to depend on this kind of contributor.

...I always hope to learn something new. But he throws half-facts, and then is all threatening, which I find isn't amenable to learning.


These are responses from 2 years ago to a routine that hasn't changed since. Same topics, insults, punchlines and quotes. Rigid, narrow, canned and stale, stale, stale-O.

Diff'rent Strokes for Diff'rent Folks. Maybe Trooper York has what it takes to coax a blossom of humour out of a bush with no roots. Much as the MamaM appreciates TY's connection to the Divine Butcher, such a feat does not seem likely.

chickelit said...

@MamaM: Your 1:50 is funny and inciteful!

As for Carol. She crossed a line with me a couple months ago in emails. I tweeted as much and guess what? She seemed to hear.

She's got ears everywhere.

chickelit said...

Like a cornucopia

chickelit said...

That being said, all would be forgiven if she'd just answer my question: link.

ricpic said...

I thought everyone read their dingleberries?

Well, I had a major disappointment today. I had seen a leather jacket in a catalog, the Territory Ahead catalog to be exact, and it was perfect, for me anyway, but the price! yikes! Anyway I went back and forth in my head several times and finally decided to take the plunge, buy the thing and eat rice and beans for a month and it came today, absolutely beautiful but just the teensy weensiest bit tight. So back it goes. I feel like a balloon the air's gone out of. You know sizing is the damndest thing. Even though Territory says that all of their shirts and jackets are oversized, they're not all oversized to the same extent. It's maddening. I know I know, we should all have such problems.

chickelit said...

Well, I had a major disappointment today. I had seen a leather jacket in a catalog, the Territory Ahead catalog to be exact, and it was perfect, for me anyway, but the price! yikes!

I want to buy a drawing for my wife from an artist we've know for close to 30 years. I've already got a lot of his early work (and for next to nothing, before he was famous, lol). Anyways, the piece is still for sale, but his prices have gone through the roof! He told me he'd let me have it for half the gallery price, but still!

chickelit said...

I don't trust J's links.

chickelit said...

@J: It's because you're infected with something nasty that I don't want to catch.

chickelit said...

And, ya know what McCain said that proved to be sheer lunacy? And I know because sheer lunacy is my stock in trade. In fact I wanted to start a nylon stocking company with that name but the Chinks wouldn't let me open a factory because they said I was a lunatic.

I recognize her inspiration!

Anonymous said...

Thanks.

I will never see a fortune cookie the same again.



Ever.

Titus said...

I don't read Carol Herman's shit but why not give the old broad a break?

Her tits are likely sagging, her cooch is dry, and she is lonely. Rumor has it her dry cooch caused the fires in Texas.

She is looking for love in all the wrong places.

Let Carol Herman be Carol Herman.

Saggy Tits.

deborah said...

lol Troop, how do you do it?

@chick: Over the line you say...? Don't be a tease.

J said...

grazi for evidence