Tuesday, January 10, 2012

Michelle Obama destroys another great American Company!


That's right. Her heartless campaign against junk food and snack cakes is causing Hostess to declare . The snack cake geniuses who gave us Twinkies, Ding Dongs, Ho-Ho's and Wonder Bread is declaring bankruptcy. The demands of the food Nazi's along with the rising cost of ingredients due to Obama economy is putting so much stress on the company that might make it go out of business.

I have a theory.

What do you call white people when you want to make fun of them? White Bread!

What is the ultimate white bread? Wonder Bread.

Who hates the bitter clingers who cling to their guns, religion and Wonder Bread? Michelle Obama.

Therefore it is her fault that soon fat kids across American won't be able to get peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Wonder Bread. That they can wash down with a cold Yoohoo! With some Twinkies for desert!

IT'S MICHELLE'S FAULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First they destroyed Chevrolet and forced them to make electric cars that you need an extension cord for. Now they are destroying Wonder Bread.

They will be coming for our hot dogs next!

This can not stand.

RISE UP AMERICA!!!!! GO TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME TWINKIES OR DING DONGS OR HO HOS OR WONDER BREAD!

I AM AS FAT AS HELL AND I AM NOT GETTING SKINNY ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

28 comments:

dbp said...

We do not normally buy wonder bread, but today I found some on the kitchen counter. I was kind of happy about it due to the whole bankruptcy thing, but I got to thinking, how did this happen? My wife doesn't read blogs, watch the news or read newspapers. It turns out we needed bread and the only place she had time to go to was CVS, so it was a coincidence.

We are lovers of the snack cake though and given their shelf-life, I am thinking a few boxes next to the 100 Watt bulbs might be a good idea.

Titus said...

I was a horny little boy and would stick my hog in anything. My dad had all this fish and deer and birds and bear he shot mounted and they all had their mouths open. I would stick my little dick in every one of them.

When I was like 5 I fucked a twinky. It was sticky but I always think fondly of the twinky.

tits.

chickelit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
chickelit said...

@Titus, you sound like Eddie Munster!


Traitor

chickelit said...

Wasn't one of the provisions of the 2010 HCR a 10% inceased tax on Tanning Salons?

Raaaacist!

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

There is still Hostess in the zombie apocalypse, but Hostess can't survive an Obama administration.

chickelit said...

"If Barack Obama is re-elected, America as we know it will be gone."

Ron said...

Trooper! check your email...

AllenS said...

There used to be a Wonder Bread bakery factory about 3 or 4 blocks from the Minnesota state capital and the science museum. Every time you went there the the smell of baking bread was overwhelming. I've never had a Ding Dong or Ho-Ho. I ate a Twinkie only once. I ate a lot of Eskomo Pies when I could afford one.

chickelit said...

Hostess cherry pies were a weakness as a child. But then I grew up and put away those things...

chickelit said...

Sweet & tart is my favorite taste combination next to savory bacon.

windbag said...

I'm not getting fat, I'm getting fatter.

Anonymous said...

All you conservatives can go right ahead, eat that crap, get diabetes, heart disease and bad joints. I'll stick with my T bone and Greek yogurt with berries!

I will laugh at your grave, ha ha! JK.

Seriously, folks should be allowed to either eat a healthy diet or a the alternative, my liberal-tarian side.

It isn't Michelle Obama's fault that Americans are becoming aware of the fact that sugar, PUFA's and wheat ingestion created the chronic conditions that cause all our health care costs to soar.

But hey, you all can die with a Twinkie in your hand.;) Orin Titus' case a Twinkie on his winkie.

chickelit said...

I'll stick with my T bone and Greek yogurt with berries!

Sounds suggestive. Think shapes and textures. JK

You nurses are all like, BTW. ;)

AllenS said...

"I'll give you my Twinkie when you pry it from my cold, limp weinie!"

WTF?

Anonymous said...

Only Titus would eat that Winkie Twinkie, ew.

Anonymous said...

Do any of you know the word for a little boys penis in German? It's called a Spatzi, or "little sparrow". Germans are weird, I'll admit.

ndspinelli said...

Titus is not Chickenman, he's Twinkieman. But, quite sexually precocious to be sticking your johnson into anything @ 5! Must be all the hormones in the Wisconsin dairy products.

The movie Zombieland was hilarious. part of the plot was Woody Harrelson searching for the last Twinkie on earth. You know it was an act because he's a vegan.

AllenS said...

Is that a sparrow in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?

ndspinelli said...

Allie, It may be a "little sparrow" for krauts, but dagos call it a "suino" or hog!!!

chickelit said...

Loving the Italian-German comparative lit!

Anonymous said...

A LITTLE Italian boy's wee wee is called a hog?! Should be more like a little piggy.

blake said...

Not a fan of Twinkies, though I used to like the Ding Dongs. (Not the same as the Cupcakes, though similar enough that people get them confused.) The waxy chocolate outer shell, the flimsy devil's food-esque cake and the sugary center.

Used to make my heart palpitate when I was a 10th grader.

Haven't had 'em since.

I hasten to point out that even if IBC (or whatever) goes under, someone will pick up the Hostess brand and we'll still have Twinkies and what-nots.

chickelit said...

Should be more like a little piggy.

About the size of a porcini mushroom?

chickelit said...

@Allie: Spatzi sounds Swabian.

Anonymous said...

The dialect I speak is Swabisch. My ancestors came from Hesse though. Some Germans from the Baden Wurtemburg area also pioneered the eastern lands that were just won back from the Turks, as did Hessians and people from the Alsace Lorraine.

ndspinelli said...

No, Allie. Even little Italian boys are hung like hogs.

chickelit said...

Even Mussolini was hung like hog in the end.