Monday, January 9, 2012

Instant Replay- The Unedited Edition.


I drove downtown to the Packer offices today to pick up my mail, mostly fan mail about our victory in the first Super Bowl game, and as I came out of the building Coach Lombardi came in. I waved to him cheerfully--I have nothing against him during the off-season--and I said, "Hi, Coach."

Vince Lombardi is a short, stout man, a stump. He looks very Italian. He looked up at me and he started to speak and his jaws moved, but no words came out. He hung his head. My first thought--from force of habit, I guess--was I've done something wrong, I'm in trouble, he's mad at me. I just stood there and Lombardi started to speak again and again he opened his mouth and still he didn't say anything. I could see he was upset, really shaken.

"What is it, Coach?" I said. "What's the matter?"

"They caught me Jerry. They caught me on camera. Steve Sabol just called. One of the new sideline cameras was trained on me on the sidelines. After that last touchdown....well they caught me with my hand in my pants. Rozelle is gonna suspend me."

You see Coach Lombardi wasn't just an Italian. He was an organ grinder.

He masturbated all the time. Unceasingly. In meetings. In the locker-room. In church. And now on the sidelines. He had cut a hole in the pocket of his camel hair coat and would wack it during the game. He was always grinding his organ.
(Instant Replay- The Unedited Edition, Jerry Kramer & Dick Schaap Random House 1968)

8 comments:

chickelit said...

You see Coach Lombardi wasn't just an Italian. He was an organ grinder.


No wonder Borgnine had the role down pat in the first Lombardi biopic.

I wonder if Deniro will be "up" for it in the next one?

Trooper York said...

It was typecasting.

chickelit said...

Lombardi invades Broadway

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

If you disrespect Saint Lombardi, you will never get to touch his trophy again...

Oh wait, I thought this was a Penn State post.

chickelit said...

The competition on Sunday will be stiff.

I don't know about the Jiants

Evi L. Bloggerlady said...

You have been warned Troop, you do not want to invoke the Lombardi curse. Or the Giants might never touch that trophy again.

ndspinelli said...

At least he wore men's clothing.

Michael Haz said...

When Vince Lombardi coached the Packers you could look up his name in the White Pages and call him, or even stop at his 1,700 square foot single story home in Green Bay.

He'd answer the door or the phone, and if he had a few minutes, talk with you. You had to be polite, sober, and have a good joke to tell. If you stopped at his house, you had to be wearing a suit and tie; that's what proper men wore.

After home games, Vince'd invite the journalists who covered the game to an after-game party in his basement. The rules were simple: Everyone had to call his wife Mrs. Lombardi, no man could bring a woman who was not his wife, and there would be no talking about football. It was just nice people getting together to tell stories and enjoy each other's company.

You know, like a typical date with Ben Rothlesberger.