Friday, December 9, 2011

Did you ever get the feeling?


That if Chuck Norris tells you to buy an excercise machine that you better just buy it?

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shit from anybody.
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14 comments:

AllenS said...

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he doesn't push himself up, he pushes the earth down.

December 9, 2011 at 7:12 AM
The Dude said...

Jesus wears a "WWCND" bracelet.

December 9, 2011 at 8:05 AM
AllenS said...

Wait a minute. What is Christie's right hand resting on?

December 9, 2011 at 8:07 AM
The Dude said...

Her smile says it all.

December 9, 2011 at 8:08 AM
Titus said...

Christie is in big trouble. She owes the IRS like 500 million.

Bummer.

tits.

December 9, 2011 at 10:28 AM
Titus said...

$500,000 not million.

tits.

December 9, 2011 at 10:30 AM
Fred4Pres said...

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

December 9, 2011 at 11:00 AM
The Dude said...

It is said that Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris never cries.

December 9, 2011 at 11:13 AM
AllenS said...

What the hell is Christie holding onto with her right hand?!!!

December 9, 2011 at 1:31 PM
blake said...

Oh...sorry that's mine. I'll move it.

December 9, 2011 at 2:10 PM
Fred4Pres said...

AllenS, we are talking Chuck Norris. Yeah, he has a crank that is the size of an extra large Katz Deli sausage.

Which reminds me of a story.

I had a friend of mine who applied at this job. He was a young architect still in school and his uncle (who ran a blue print shop) said this guy who brings in blue prints might need a draftsman. It was a aluminium siding contractor in North Newark who also ran a pizza place. Some guy interviewed him and said fine, he could work there (basically just drawing up simple drawings for building department approvals), he just needed to see the "boss."

The "boss" was some old Italian guy with dark glasses and a black suit who sat behind his desk smoking a cigar. My friend was an Irish kid from Bergen County. The boss only asks: "How big is your dick?"

My friend without a pause, grabs his own thigh and says: "About this big!"

The old guy laughs and says he has the job.

It took a week for him to realize that this might be a laundry front for the mob. One hint was one of the sales guys coming in and asking if anyone needed ammo, he was going to the gun store (no, it was not hunting season). Now granted, that would not be unusual other places of the country, but this was New Jersey.

So he quit. About six months later the FBI arrested the bunch in the pizza sting.

December 9, 2011 at 3:41 PM
ricpic said...

It must be great to be Chuck Norris and go through life not having to smile at the folks you'd like to kill. I mean that's what other folks tell me, personally I kill 'em all and never look back har har har.

Titus, at Brinkley's level of wealth half a mil is a hiccup.

December 9, 2011 at 4:26 PM
Fred4Pres said...

I had a friend who served several tours in Vietnam as a corpsman. He said he kept signing up because of the rush of saving people's lives in high stress situations, but after a while it wears you down. So he went to study Akido in Japan (he had studied in the states before he joined the Navy). He know teaches maritial arts in Asia.

He studied in the same dojo with Steven Seagal but said Seagal is a douchebag poeser (like you need me to confirm that). But he always stressed that Chuck Norris was the real deal and was very very good at what he did.

December 9, 2011 at 5:01 PM
blake said...

My sensei was on the circuit when Norris was training and said that he wasn't pretty (like Lee) but he was good. He'd be all hands one fight, all kicks the next, then mix it up after that.

December 9, 2011 at 7:03 PM

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