My Aunt Lily was a Vampire. A member of the undead. She would suck the life out of you. She seemed like a nice lady to lots of people who didn't know her. But she really could be kind of nasty to most people.
The thing is people were kind of turned on when the met her. After Uncle Herman left she became a big slut bag. She used to go out to the bar and these lonely middle aged guys would all compete to get her attention. They would write her mash notes and try to be clever and get her to notice them. Every once in a while she would be hungry. So when she was in the bar she would lean over....and lick them. They would get all flustered and excited and go out with her to their car thinking that she really had the hots for them. And then she would bite them. And suck out all of their blood.
Those poor sad silly men.
Of course Aunt Lily did love to play with them. You see Uncle Herman ruined her for other men. So she would toy with them. Tell them how cool they were as opposed to other of her admirers. But it wasn't true. She didn't care about them. She only cared about her hunger.
One of her favorite tricks was to take them back to the deserted Munster Mansion. We had all moved out by then so she had privacy. There was only her and the humpbacked gardener she kept around as a pet. She would take her victims into the parlor and give them a strong drink of blood red wine that would get the poor fools tipsy. Then she would play the piano which sometimes almost queered the deal. Not because she couldn't play. Because she was great on the piano.
It's just that they wanted to see if she sucked on the organ.
14 comments:
Is that an upright organ in the photo?
You forgot the 'Things are not as they seem' tag.
This post screams Victor Buono to me.
Is that an upright organ in the photo?
Complete with a potted polyorchid.
A member of the undead.
You're welcome.
Troop: wonderrful lead up to your last line--you have a real future in puns and double entendres
So, you're better off if you ignore the whore?
Of course you are better off if you igorne them. I mean you pulled up to a streetlight and a hot chick in long boots and hot pants comes up to you window to talk to you.....don't be fooled and talk to her. And she asks you if you want to go to a party don't say "Sure."
She might be an undercover cop and you could be in a lot of trouble. If you don't believe me ask ndspinelli. He talks to them and that gets him all wound up and angry and sputtering and everything. Just sayn'
See, that's why I couldn't live in a city. I'd offer her a ride, thinking her car must have broken down. I'd be dead, in jail, or both inside of an hour in a city. You can take the country out of the boy, but don't try to take the boy out of the country...or something like that.
Thanks for pointing out the morals in the story, Troop.
That was pretty ballsy too, MamaM.
chickenlittle, that one needed a home and some time to grow. It didn't quite fit the other post.
For a while MamaM wondered if the problem that might be driving Santa to the sex therapist involved having one sack too many.
I really sputtered when I found out the working girl was your sister.
Dude if you saw my sisters you would pay them not to fuck.
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