Elsie started to have a hard time keeping her personal life from leaking into her performances. She was supposed to be this clean and wholesome presense who would encourage children to drink milk while still being sexy enough for men to pay attention to her. She had to be someone every man wanted to be with and every woman wanted to be like but it was harder and harder to keep up the pretense. Then it all changed. She fell in love.
She had always had a preferance for the dark meat and loved to hang around Sammy Davis Jr's apartment with Kim Novak and all of Sammy's musician friends. She liked black guys because they were the only ones who could touch the sides. Having sex with those Irish or Jewish guys was like throwing a hot dog down a hallway. And Elsie was a very sexual cow.
One day when she showed up at the apartment, Kim told her aside and told her that some football players that Sammy knew were coming by and she would introduce them. They were some players from the Chicago Bears. Mike Ditka. Dick Butkis. Brian Piccolo. And a beautiful young man named Gale Sayers.
Elsie was in love.
(Got Milk, The E True Hollywood of Elsie the Cow)
105 comments:
Lateral mooves got to her.
Ahhh- Kim Novak--the most beautiful eyes in the world, but regretably, who noticed
Well Sammy did.
Kim was one hot woman--right up there with Darcy and Allie
She was supposed to be this clean and wholesome presense who would encourage children to drink milk while still being sexy enough for men to pay attention to her.
Later on, she behooved the men to drink their milk as well.
I gotta tell you--in all the threads about cows, who remembers Elmer? I mean this guy did the glue thing--whats not to like about that.
And no, allie, he was a young bull, so dont get your hopes up
Aw Roger, you always say the right things, but then again it may take an older gent as yourself to see a woman almost 60 as still "hot". Darcy is in the prime of her life, at the peak of hotness.
I've cooled down, no more hot flashes. I'm just warm now.
Roger, young bulls scare me. All that huffing and puffing and hoofing at the ground, that fierce look in their eyes.
So I'm so innocent, I don't know what you mean by lateral moves.
OK Allie--my perspective as dirty old man--first of all a lady who hasnt gone thru menopause isnt worth my time. Older ladies just are much more fun, even it is Elsie--and I dont want to step on Elmer here
Age is a state of mind, but ladies over 50 are the best
Gawd I hate that blogger leaves that remnant of a deleted comment.
Allie--you are just a wonderful flirt--in the Memphis area, flirting is an art form--you would do well here, but we gotta get rid of the Wisconsin accent and change to to southern drawl
I wonder, how old do you think Elmer might be? I sometimes think he is a bull of 70 or so, other times I think he may be way to young for an old cow, as I said young bull can be scary.
I'm not sure when elmer became the icon--seems to me in the 50s--so he is probably my age--I just dont go along with the ring in the nose thing.
Wow, all the deletions make it look like a dirty thread.
Yes flirting is fun and way too easy to do online, I may be less flirtatious in person. Hey we don't have an accent here in Wiscaaaaansin.
Roger is making my iPad nervous and she keeps misspelling my words.
This thread is probably a prime example of what Althouse so dislikes in her comments.
Allie--OK, the accent may be problematic--I do love Memphis, and am actively involved in the arts scene here--Memphis matrons have the flirting thing down pat-its an art form for them--coupled with the southern drawl its phenominal (Rhett Rhett where evah will I go..etc)
Flirting is wonderful conversation along with sexual innuendo--that and a glass of champaign make for a lovely evening)
Allie said...
Roger is making my iPad nervous and she keeps misspelling my words.
Try unplugging it, just setting it on vibrate instead of "ring."
Chicken--flirting is one of the last true art forms--allie does it beautifully--
Is your Ipod in your lap Allie?
It's probably wet. Put it in a Ziploc bag. That should do the trick.
Sorry dude, I didn't mean to harsh your mellow.
Chickie, good thing Althouse doesn't do Troopers housekeeping , or else Roger and I would be chastised all over again, she would sweep our clutter right out the door.
And you are right. This is exactly the kind of thing the EBL doesn't like. Especially the getting wet part. Just sayn'
OK Chicken--thats 15 yards for unsportsmanlike conduct :)
No Elsie on the other hand is a different story. All 12 of her nipples are hard.
Damn--allie has twelve nipples? now I am in love
oops--you said elsie--No wonder we dont hear much from Elmer
iPads don't ring, or have I missed some new fangled app?
Yes Trooper my iPad is in my lap, a nice warm friendly place, grandmothery, nice, down boys.
you know, Allie--thats bad--really bad
but I do enjoy bad
Roger and I would be chastised all over again, she would sweep our clutter right out the door.
I repeat from several days ago-the Clutters were murdered In Cold Blood.
What was bad Roger, I said my lap was grandmotherly, how can that be a turn on? Warm , like in cookies fresh from the oven, warm.
You boys are being particularly naughty.
iPads don't ring, or have I missed some new fangled app?
I don't have an iPad--can't afford one yet. Plus I think they are just iPhones for the visually impaired-sorta like those phones with bigger numbers for older folks.
*ducks*
Chick--seems to me like there are several types of blogs--there are the ones that attract political commentary--and there are the ones like Troopers that allow people to flirt and have fun
If I want serious I have a lot to choose from--if I want flirtatious then troopes is the place to go
Flirting is an artform--doesnt spread veneral disease and make for really fun commnets
just my .02
Chickie, you are actually right about that, I think the iPhone screen is too damn small. My kids actually bought this IPad for me as a Christmas gift, I actually really love it.
But it doesn't help my spelling any.
OK Roger, just so long as you don think I'm a slut. I may be wanton, but I am no slut.
Chick--dont want to get into blog shit
We have a wonderful bunch of commenters here under troopers big tent--lets enjoys the freedom to flirt and have fun in so doing
I do love it here
Thanks Trooper--gary owen sir
Allie-be yourself
nothing more required
Wow, see what you guys have done to me? I used the word "actually" three times in one sentence. I'm all shook up now, I feel like a lone cow in a pen full of bulls.
Roger & Ellie: I'm laughing here--not filling with consternation.
Please continue!
But you must realize that TY is filled with voyagers.
Allie--you are who you are--I have read your blog on your life experience--powerful--and I thank you for sharing it.
as for troopers blog--I love flirting-- i love double entendres--they make life fun
Troop: you do a great job thanks
Yoyager?
What those little french dudes with the pointy caps and the coats made out of Hudson Bay Blankets?
You know like the one Robert Conrad played in Centenial?
Troop-OK dude--you have something else going on on in your life--please dont dont leave us high abn dry here--
Seriously now, thanks Roger. It's been tough raising my four kids alone, but it's what I wanted to do, never found another guy like my late husband, he was the love of my life and if I wouldn't have had four kids I couldnt have gone on.
BUT all turned out well, my kids are great, and my husband would have been very proud.
Miss Allie--a personal note (like what? on a blog)
But thank you for your work in the nursing field--Its above and beyond the call of duty
You know like the one Robert Conrad played in Centenial?
No, be voyager I just meant someone who appreciates the little man in the canoe while going upriver.
Maybe a little portage on the side for variety.
And Miss Allie--you have done well-
I am so sorry you lost the love of your life--but you carried on
God Bless
I think I'm going to reel myself in.
"Portage on the side" is a lateral moove.
A cow only has 4 teats. Hogs have 8 or more. Hogs have bigger litters.
Chicken--loved the imagery of canoeing--have been up north of the Churchill river on 8 canoe trips with my youngest son--Reindeer Lake, Wollaston lake and point in between--when I die I want my ashes scattered there.
Thanks for bringing us back to earth AllenS.
AllenS--you are apparently still farming--how are you doing
Christie Brinley has two, and that's what counts the most.
This absolutely the last time that I ever take what Trooper York says about farm animal anatomy seriously.
Allen, speaking of hogs, had the best venison sausage mixed with half pork. When I worked as a nurse, a coworker asked me if I wanted a deer, I said sure but what the heck will I do with it?
Her sons took it to a local butcher and made me the BEST sausages I ever had, Hungarian, Italian, Brats. My freezer was full of sausage for a whole year.
No, I'm not farming any more. I'm down to one horse. I've considered starting again, small, but at 65 y.o. it would kick my ass. But, who knows, every once in a while, I get a wild hair. Ever had that experience?
Christie Brinley = Christie Brinkley.
I get so excited, I can hardly type.
@RogerJ: I went canoeing on the Wisconsin River a couple years ago. It was pouring rain. TBH, I'm surprised that Meade hasn't convinced Althouse to do this yet and blogged it. Parts of the Wisconsin between Sauk City and Spring Green look like they must have when the explorers first went through hundreds of years ago. Saw lots of bald eagles too.
OK Allie--my partner and I spent 12 wonderful days in Hungary over the labor day holiday--I assume your hungarian sausage was done with lots of paprika--we loved Hungary and the magyar people
@We have a freezer full of venison: steaks, sausages, etc. My son went back to WI this fall and got a buck.
Allie, yes, venison sausage tastes really good, but you have to add pork to it, otherwise it will be really dry. A lot of people are under the impression that you need pork fat only, and that's not true, you need to add a pork shoulder cut.
Yes Roger it was! My family cooked more Hungarian style than German. Chicken Paprikash, Goulash, Palachinka, Masniza( walnut roll type sweet yeast bread). I only use real Hungarian paprika in my cooking, I get it from a local import store as well as those delicious pickled red sweet peppers.
Allen--I have that experience every day--you dont strike me as a guy who woudnt have some thing to do every day Me? I have really thought about taking up blacksmithing--becoming a farrier
Goulash
I love goulash.
Oh yes, Roger I also collect those beautiful Magyar dolls, have a couple on my doll blog.
Chickie, I still have not developed a taste for venison unless it's ground up and mixed wih pork, I did have some of the venison ground and snuck it into chili and meat loaves , he kids never knew the difference, he he.
Allen, I buy pork shoulder once in a while and slow cook it and spice it up for pulled pork, so tender and delicious.
Allie--Kay (my partner) and I flew into Budapest, and visited Sopran,Pecs and Eger by train relatively inexpesive lots of time with hungarians. the language is hard, but the hungarian people helped us every step of the way best vacation we have had
There is only one way to properly age a deer carcus. It must be hung with the head down. Oftentimes, I see people who shoot deer and then hang the deer by the neck or antlers. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Do not let the fluids from the brain drain down into the meat of the deer. Believe me, you will get a better tasting meat with the head down.
AllenS--you talking bucks or does
we do mule deers in the northwest--bucks are really nasty during rut--does are the best
Allen, I worry about that wasting disease, I know they test the deer, but those Prion diseases are damn scary. I took care of a woman in her 50s with the Jacob Creutzfeld disease, otherwise known as mad cow disease, it was horrible.
Roger, it doesn't matter, they must be hung with the head down and properly aged. Yes, does will always be better to eat.
Seriously, who would taste better, you or your girl friend?
I love Hungarian food. Chicken Paprikash is my favorite.
allie--during Kay's and my stay in hungary we had superlative food--absolutely wonderful
How long do you think that it would take to boil either one of use to reach edible?
Darcy, with homemade egg dumplings, nothing better!
allen s bad question kay is the light of my life and goes trout fishing with me and goes dancing me--as it turns out, we love the same things. life doesnt get better than that
ok allie--I am a big fan of chicken and dumplings--how do you do your dumplings
Allen, you're starting to scare me, are you a cannibal, remember Ed Gein?
Believe me, you will get a better tasting meat with the head down.
Even Ed Gein knew that.
Roger, nothing but eggs, flour and a dash of salt, no leavening.
Meat-it's what's for Donner.
Thanks Allie
Kay (partner) is a missippi delta lady--she would appreciate the recipe--now be advised she also loves brunswick stew made with squirrels
LMAO Chickie! I bet you guys would like the rump roasts the best. Or maybe the loin chops .
Chicken--assume you have bee to the Albert Packer museum? Hope I dont have to 'splain this
Hmmm, squirrels, don't know about that, too darn cute to eat.
Nothing beats sushi!
Allie--I go for Rump Roasts--specially if they are round and tender--and you are BAD
Bucks don't have brains so it doesn't make any difference which way you hang them.
Allie--in your case loin chops may not be so bsd
I've butchered a lot of hogs, deer and cows. Always hang them with the head down.
Later, I discovered that I could get someone out here to do on-farm butchering. They would come out and shoot the cow, take the hide off, remove the innards, remove the head, and haul everything away. The only thing that they didn't take was the contents of the stomach. About $20 per head.
I would tell them how thick I wanted the steaks, how big I wanted the roasts, everything. They would take it to a butcher, and it would be all frozen, when I picked it up.
I would designate that I wanted it in equal quarters, then have good friends lined up to buy.
I always had to try to find out a way to make some money. This was good, no taxes.
Alferd Packer Grill, Boulder CO. link
allen s
guessing you also got a lot ground beef with you critters--not that there is anything wrong with that
what did you feed your crittes before slaughter
chickenlittle, is Alferd Packer
related to the Green Bay Packers?
Chicken-you clearly know the story of Albert Packer, who, as I recall was the only person convicted of canabilism during the Donner party tragedy. Anyway a man has to do what a man has to do :)
Roger, you have to put some corn into them. You need marbling in the meat. However, I tried not to overdo it, and told everyone that it would be a leaner cut of meat, and therefore not as tender. Most people understood that, and figured it would'nt put so much fat on their asses.
Only tangentially, AllenS-- they both eat their opponents for lunch.
Roger, I was referring to this guy.
Then there's this which is in bad taste, but probably tastes good.
The only place I ever ate real Hungarian food was @ Tony Packo's in Toledo. It was very good. I had a Hungarian sausage platter and my bride had the chicken paprikash that Darcy craves.
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