Michelle Obama: (walking in back from
the Executive office building) Mama I‘m home!
Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) Thank God you are home. Your Auntie Madea is on the warpath. You best get that skinny ass half a cracker husband of yours up here.
Michelle Obama: Now Mama don’t start that up again, what’s the problem this time. I am very tied. The press has been killing us about the healthcare act. They keep saying Barry lied. Of course he lied. He always lies. I mean he lied about being born in America. He lied about not being a Muslim. He even lied to me about being straight. The boy can’t stop lying. What difference does it make now?
Marian Robinson: Who cares, we have bigger problems. Your Auntie Madea is on the warpath. She just got a notice from Blue Cross that her insurance is canceled. And she had the good policy that included hair removal. You know she be one hairy bitch.
Michelle Obama (picks up phone) Oh Mama, please…..this is Barry’s problem….let him deal with it…….Hi, can you ask the President to come upstairs right away. Thank you.
President Barrack Obama: (Comes rushing in) Is everything OK? Are the girls all right?
Michelle Obama: My mother wants to talk to you.
President Barrack Obama:
(mutters under his breath) Oh crap. What now!Marian Robinson (Michelle’s mom) Thank God you are home. Your Auntie Madea is on the warpath. You best get that skinny ass half a cracker husband of yours up here.
Michelle Obama: Now Mama don’t start that up again, what’s the problem this time. I am very tied. The press has been killing us about the healthcare act. They keep saying Barry lied. Of course he lied. He always lies. I mean he lied about being born in America. He lied about not being a Muslim. He even lied to me about being straight. The boy can’t stop lying. What difference does it make now?
Marian Robinson: Who cares, we have bigger problems. Your Auntie Madea is on the warpath. She just got a notice from Blue Cross that her insurance is canceled. And she had the good policy that included hair removal. You know she be one hairy bitch.
Michelle Obama (picks up phone) Oh Mama, please…..this is Barry’s problem….let him deal with it…….Hi, can you ask the President to come upstairs right away. Thank you.
President Barrack Obama: (Comes rushing in) Is everything OK? Are the girls all right?
Michelle Obama: My mother wants to talk to you.
Marian Robinson: What did you say you
skinny assed fool?
President Barrack Obama: Nothing Mother. You do
know that I am President of the United States. I have been elected twice now. You
might show me just a little respect.
Marian Robinson: You better watch your
ass bean pie eating half a mo. I know where you keep your birth certificate and
I can give still send of a copy to that nice Eskimo lady if you don’t watch
your ass. She could even get a new reality show out of it. “I Didn’t Know I Was
A Kenyan!”
President Barrack Obama: Now mother please, I am
very busy. I have to get my speech ready for congress. I have to explain why
everything is the fault of the dirty insurance companies and those rascally
Republicans.
Marian Robinson: Who cares about those
damn fools when you messed Auntie Madea’s Blue Cross. It just got canceled. We
been talking all day to her boyfriend Leon out in Oakland who is laid up with a
bad back. Who be paying for his chiropractor and yoga lessons now you big
dummy!
Madea: (rushes into the room) There he is that fool boy. I told Marian
that you never would amount to nuthin. First you raise my taxes and now you
made me lose my medical. What the hell is amatter wich you boy! Do I got to take
a skillet to you head now! How am I gonna pay for my electraizis or my
reuhmatiz medicine or Leon’s back rubs from that nice Filipino lady from
Woodstock. How am I gonna pay for that? ANSWER ME FOOL!
President Barack Obama: Auntie Madea, what are
you talking about? I didn’t cancel your plan the insurance company did. Their
plans were just not up to the standards we set. You can get a better plan. Just
go on the computer for a couple of days and I am sure you can get something
much better.
Madea: You damn fool! My insurance man told me I have to buy a plan
that covers pregnancy and prostrate and Viagra or I can’t get it. Why the hell does
an old lady need that there for you half a cracker moron. AND I GOT TO PAY $2,000
MORE A YEAR! Your white half must be really dumb. Who was your Mama anyway?
Rosemary Kennedy?
President Barack Obama: I don’t have to take this from you Madea, I am the President (he flees out of the room).
President Barack Obama: I don’t have to take this from you Madea, I am the President (he flees out of the room).
Madea: Where
you going you pansy ass fool? Marian get my five iron. I got’s to make this
right. I gonna play a par three on his skinny ass.
48 comments:
The Devil made him do it.
Off topic (and I am not suggesting you disobey Lisa or your doctors) but there is a lot of truth in this. Wheat and sugar will kill you. Healthy oils like olive oil and even butter (or ghee) are really not bad for you. The thing about eating fats and protein is you really don't have to eat a lot to satisfy hunger.
Wait a minute. Tony got sick on ghee @ an Indian restaurant and ended up killing Big Pussy.
ndspinelli, I forgot about that!
The problem of course was not the ghee, the problem was the Indian restaurant (not to bash Indians, but it is not the first time I have heard of people getting sick at such a place).
I only use a teaspoon of olive oil while cooking now.
When I sauté onions for example I coat them in the pan by mushing them around. If it gets a little smoky I add a liquid like a vinegar. Rice wine vinegar or apple cider or white balsamic. Just a cap full to give flavor and stop it from burning.
I cooked tonight. I have to get back in it. I made two Chinese dishes from scratch. Pepper steak and chicken in a ginger sauce with broccoli. No rice but they were both very tasty.
For desert I made some baked apples in which I simply peeled and cut up and put in a pan with cinnamon, nutmeg and a little stevia. After they are baked I put it on some 0% Greek yogurt that also had stevia mixed in and it was very tasty.
Portion control had been very important for me. Plus no gluten and very few carbs.
I have lost 40 pounds so far on veggies and very lean meats.
Fresh fruits, veggies and meat cooked daily have been a God send.
Listen. I really, really, really want to go to Marco Polo and I know they will make me whatever I want just the way I tell them to but I have to stay strong.
Not for another six months at least.
By the way it is really funny how this post brought out Titus and Inga over at Lem's joint.
Must of struck a nerve.
Good to hear you are taking good care Trooper.
You know what they say...
If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything.
"Must of"? Are you Titus? Or are you simply channeling him?
I don't think it was the ghee that made Tony sick, I think it was the cat meat.
Ghee is just butter. Sure, it can go rancid, but we all do, occasionally.
And I'm tellin' ya Troop, fruit will kill you. An apple - meh. Sounds like something a witch in Wisconsin would hand out on Halloween.
And since you didn't watch Breaking Bad I won't even launch on just how bad Stevia can be for a person. Just don't get any tattoos, okay?
I didn't watch breaking bad either.
But I can't tolerate stevia at all. I get a wicked headache almost immediately.
I try very hard to stay away from HFCS and limit sugar in general.
But even though they say stevia is all natural, I don't believe it. Nothing Big Food gloms onto stays pure.
Cannonball Run: NYC to Redondo Beach, Ca. in 28 hours 50 minutes: Yowzah!
WTF are you wearing for clothes?
Very baggy pants.
I could be in fuckin vaudeville.
Vaudeville is dead - what are you hinting at?
He probably should've said he could be in Crackerses next hippity hop video.
Or rap. Or whatever the hell he calls that garbage.
my e b t, my e b t...
Maybe we could get Sixty to send Troop a couple pairs of ovaryalls. They're pretty much one size fits most aren't they?
Then he won't have to get new pants until he's stabilized at his new weight--around 190 or so.
Where O Where are you tonight,
Why did you leave me here all alone?
I searched the world over and thought I found true love,
You met another and *pffft* you was gone.
Once, or should I say oncet, Troop puts on a pair of Sixty's overalls he'll be doomed to repeat the Hee Haw lament ad-nauseum.
FWIW, stevia is a plant, but then again, so is hemlock. Crack's link has been removed, did he get the boot too, or is that too intrusive. Sixty, I'm going to have to pass on the djembe. Looks nice, but timing is lousy right now for many reasons. Everyone has his own preferences when it comes to art and entertainment, so FWIW, Breaking Bad is highly recommended. Just finishing up my second run through Sopranos, and I'd have to put it behind Breaking Bad. Different approaches to storytelling...each executed brilliantly...but my preference leans toward BB.
Happy All Saints' Day, y'all.
Coke and Cargill have filed around 25 patents related to stevia. How do you patent a plant?
It's the Reb A that's the sweet part. That's refined from the leaves. Anything those people start messing around with worries me a little.
And btw--newsflash:
I really don't care for Meade. He's harshing on my appreciative buzz man. Harshing on it.
I keep repeating to myself how much he hates being ignored but there's precious little satisfaction there.
Windbag, thanks for getting back to me - and I hope you are okay - you have been too quiet.
I agree with your assessment of those two shows - BB is better than the Sopranos, but both are excellent. Perhaps it is easier to maintain tension and tight writing when you don't go on as long as the Sopranos did. But there were some real gems in there, regardless.
And, since you have seen the last epi of BB you understand my inclination to avoid Stevia.
CJ - Meade is a little man and that's precisely how much attention and respect he deserves - little.
Stevia. I'm guessing any patents are from genetic engineering. I don't worry about that stuff too much.
Sixty, as soon as Lydia dumped that in, I knew what was occurring and burst out laughing. Laura Fraser, who played her, is the same actress that played the female blacksmith in "Knight's Tale." Impressive range.
A lot of people like stevia. I'm not saying it's bad exactly. The stuff you bought in the health food store 5 or 6 years ago was probably really good (not for me!). I have nothing against the plant. I just worry when the big companies start patenting shit and modifying shit and so forth.
Pizza and Beer may kill me but I'll die happy.
I never could figure out why Heath Ledger was still interested in Shannyn Sossamon after Laura Fraser turned up...
Yeah, and how did that work out for him?
From an ignorant layman's perspective, I view most of genetic engineering as simply a fast forward button for cross-breeding/pollination. Corn is grass that Native Americans played with to yield a bigger better kernel, so that when the white man arrived and developed microwave ovens, we could enjoy popcorn. Monsanto doesn't bother me. When the stevia rage first hit, I tried it, and it was ridiculously sweet. A pinch sweetened a glass of tea, but it left an aftertaste, so I never climbed on that bus.
Well, he ended up with Michelle Williams before he ended up dead. So there's that.
@Blake, agreed. If I were in that role, I'd be singing "Sledgehammer" to Laura.
Read a study the other day (and I can't remember just where, I meant to bookmark it) where they compared yields of GMO corn to non-GMO corn. And they weren't all that different. The producers (farmers) weren't making any more money from the GMO stuff, but they were spending more for the seed and for all the other stuff...and of course it's the same companies over and over.
Simple speeding up of evolution type of stuff doesn't bother me either. I don't want to come off like a nutter about it. It's the sort of deeper parts of it that worry me.
Which probably only makes sense to me. And I'm too tired to work at an explanation.
We had a discussion a while back about vaccines, autism and the Amish. There were two facts I was trying to discover: Do the Amish vaccinate their kids, and do they have autism?
I found all four possible combinations of answers: They didn't vaccinate, and they didn't have autism; They didn't vaccinate, and they did have autism; they did vaccinate, and they didn't have autism; they did vaccinate and they did have autism.
And that's just one of many subjects I've tried to research where facts are presented completely in contradiction to each other.
GMOs may be in that category, is what I'm getting at.
Although I have to wonder why farmers would buy the seed if they didn't get a substantial benefit out of it, given that they can't even keep part of their output for seed, and have to rebuy it every year.
I don't know the answer to that, blake. I'm trying to remember where I found the article but I read...way, way too many things on the innertubez.
I read things that are amazing then forget where I read them and then am reduced to "A man on the Internet lied to me! And then ran off!"
It's possible the GMO corn is not designed to yield more, but to yield the same with less fertilizer or pesticide, thus lower cost that more than makes up for the higher cost of the seed. Just a guess.
Right, there's a lot of tweaks they're tweakin'. Yields, robustness, better nutrition.
I'm not crazy about how hard it is to control once out in the wild but no guts, no glory, right?
Part of what seed companies are doing is not related to the yields, but with other aspects. For instance, one thing that seed companies do that I find repugnant is they refuse to sell self-germinating seed to African nations. That way, the farmers are forced to purchase seed every year instead of being able to hold back a portion and plant. I know, I know, free markets and all, but that's just fucking nasty.
We have friends whose kid majored in weed science in college. Seriously, he did. Got a PhD in it and works in a lab somewhere, probably doing some of the freaky shit most of us don't understand. The kid worked the professional frisbee golf circuit, too, so I always figured he had a double major: weed science and weed science.
Bruce is a farmer near Seattle.
He posted the article and his brief thoughts on his blog. The link to the article is there as well.
link
Bruce has a history of taking multiple companies from start up to 7 figures before he got interested in farming. He's also ex microsoft management. Sorta like bags if baggie was a farmer.
It doesn't answer any of the questions about fertilizer/herbicide costs.
http://rt.com/usa/gmo-corn-fails-against-pests-863/
although this article says the corn root worm is becoming immune to the GMO corn and farmers are having to go back to soil insecticides.
I don't know anything about the source.
So apparently the Yankees won't have their games broadcast on the YES network next season.
They're moving to the History channel.
Randomness.
CJ - If you want to engage Merde, do so with a new character. Something like AnnieAlt or such, then make all sorts of references to bad sex life, drunkenness, chasing Inger, etc. Could be fun!
Of course, your new character's ID would have to have the *proper* profile and avatar. You can do this. Yes you can.
-----
Trooper, you're going to look like an Irish Manute Bol. That would be worth paying to see.
Manute and I used to weigh the same amount. He was two feet taller than I was. He is dead now.
Just sayin'...
How would you tell if the Amish had autism? All farmers seem a little autistic to me (sorry Allen S., not referring to you). Maybe it is because I am biased being a cow!
I used to know an autistic farmer that stood on a bucket to have intercourse with his cow.
And Mr. Haz: I'm not sure how that would work. With all the changes google's made is it still possible to sign up for a new account without giving them your blood type and SSN?
LOL! Annie Sprinkle! Remember her?
anniesprinkle.org(asm)
Heh. Just looking at the listing at the side of Lem's and it appears Annie has done a post about 'cooking with hay'.
Does Evi know about this phenomenon? I can't imagine a cow'd be pleased...I mean...grilling up a T-bone or rib eye over a hay fire?
That's a real stick in the eye.
Post a Comment