(Hell’s Broadcast Booth at the PA microphone)
Lucifer: This is getting ridiculous. All of these new people suck. Especially Farah. Man can she suck. No wonder she was a TV star for so long. That was something watching her give that three headed dog head. And head. And head. Who else do we have Forcas.
Forcas: Well it would be logical to go with some of the prior candidates who did well. Perhaps someone who was already an announcer or broadcaster in real life?
Lucifer: If you are going to suggest Al Derogatis again you better forgetaboutit. I mean I can’t have that fucking guy analyze everything so technically. It’s too freaking boring. He made Curt Gowdy kill himself after all.
Forcas: But I thought you were in the details.
Lucifer: Don’t get so fucking wise or I will make you switch with Amduscias and will have to hang around with Obama all the time. Now who do you have as a candidate? Surprise me.
Forcas: OK…..send in the next one.
Larry Bud Melman: HHHEEELLLLLLOOOOOO!!!!
Lucifer: Oh shit. Not this smuck again. Well never let it be said that I won’t give you your due. Cause you always got to give me mine. Have at it douche bag.
Larry Bud Melman: Okay Boss….ATTENTION…ATTENTION….ALL THE TOURTURED SOULS IN HELL…..Will Sammy Davis Jr. please report to the rumpus room for a three way with Bull Conner and Nathan Bedford Forrest… will Ava Gardner and Lupe Velez report to the mud wrestling ring for the afternoon bouts…..will James Buchanan and Tony Randal report to woman’s dormitory for vaginal swabbing duty, please be sure to brush you tongues before appearing….and will Marilyn Monroe report to the library to begin her lecture series on quantum physics. Thank you.
Lucifer: That was terrible. You were stuttering and drooling and I could barely hear you. Take him away and throw him in the pit for awhile boys.
Forcas: Well it would be logical to go with some of the prior candidates who did well. Perhaps someone who was already an announcer or broadcaster in real life?
Lucifer: If you are going to suggest Al Derogatis again you better forgetaboutit. I mean I can’t have that fucking guy analyze everything so technically. It’s too freaking boring. He made Curt Gowdy kill himself after all.
Forcas: But I thought you were in the details.
Lucifer: Don’t get so fucking wise or I will make you switch with Amduscias and will have to hang around with Obama all the time. Now who do you have as a candidate? Surprise me.
Forcas: OK…..send in the next one.
Larry Bud Melman: HHHEEELLLLLLOOOOOO!!!!
Lucifer: Oh shit. Not this smuck again. Well never let it be said that I won’t give you your due. Cause you always got to give me mine. Have at it douche bag.
Larry Bud Melman: Okay Boss….ATTENTION…ATTENTION….ALL THE TOURTURED SOULS IN HELL…..Will Sammy Davis Jr. please report to the rumpus room for a three way with Bull Conner and Nathan Bedford Forrest… will Ava Gardner and Lupe Velez report to the mud wrestling ring for the afternoon bouts…..will James Buchanan and Tony Randal report to woman’s dormitory for vaginal swabbing duty, please be sure to brush you tongues before appearing….and will Marilyn Monroe report to the library to begin her lecture series on quantum physics. Thank you.
Lucifer: That was terrible. You were stuttering and drooling and I could barely hear you. Take him away and throw him in the pit for awhile boys.
Larry Bud Melman: But I did great….It’s not fair…If I could work for Dave I can work for anybody …(two burly demons grab him and start to drag him away)…You can teabag me like Dave did when I interviewed for the show…..I mean I will give you a dirty Sanchez, Dave loved that……Wait wait you can fist me with your forked tail….Wait, wait I will do anything nothing is beneath me ……I did it all to stay on the Late show…I will eat your poop Dave made me do it…Hey I would even blow Paul Schaffer again..I will dress up like a Muchkin and let you cornhole me with a three ring punch…..NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Lucifer: Jeeeez I hate when they beg. Man I can't wait till Don Pardo gets here. Hey I know. Throw him off the highest window we have here in hell. Along with a bowling ball and a watermelon. Lets see which one looks the best when they burst. Hee. I love being the devil.
6 comments:
There you go again, bagging on the spank queen of my youth. I think there's something more to this than her dumping Lee Majors for Ryan Oh whats his name. Did she turn you down your request for an autograph or something?
Why are you picking on Scorcese? He's not even dead yet is he?
WTF? How does Scorcese figure in this?
Oh, I thought that was him in the photo-my bad.
That's Larry Bud Melman the first person who had to put out for Dave Letterman to get a gig.
Along with the two Indian guys, the Asian guy who owns the deli and Paul Schaffer.
Larry Bud Melman...back when Letterman wasn't so creepy and predictable.
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