(Hell’s Broadcast Booth at the PA microphone)
Lucifer: Ok let’s get the next one up here. Who do we got? And it better not be another fuckin’ Indian because I hate talking to them whenever I have to fix my computer.
Susan Atkins: Welcome father, finally I am home to lay at your feet do homage to you my lord.
Lucifer: Oh one of Charlie’s girls. He’s a good boy. My favorite son actually. Well except for Keith Olberman but I know he is an acquired taste. So you want to be the PA Announcer?
Susan Atkins: Anything to serve you my Dark Lord I am yours to command.
Lucifer: Yeah, yeah that fuckin bowing and scraping shit doesn’t work with me. The big guy upstairs likes that. If you are on your knees it won’t be to pray to me bitch. Okay here’s your copy, start reading.
Susan Atkins: Right away Master…. (She hits microphone) ATTENTION!! ATTENTION ALL THE TOURTURED SOULS IN HELL….a few announcements. Will Billy Sunday, Aimee Semple McPherson and Jim Bakker please report to the chapel to listen to a endless loop of the memoirs of Casanova….will Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Captain Ahab and Helen Keller report to the potato sack field for the 40 mile potato sack race with the fire demon partners…will Ava Gardner, Laurence Oliver and John Barrymore report to the Devil’s Theatre in the round to perform the collected works of Pauly Shore to an audience of Florida snowbirds…will Cecil B De Mille, Frank Capra and DW Griffith report to the Screening room to view the latest video of fake militia troopers kidnapping brave liberals just concocted by Satan’s favorite minion Eli Blake. Thank you.
Lucifer: Not bad Suzie, not bad. I will let you know. Take her away boys (Two burly demons grab the protesting Manson family member and drag her away kicking and screaming)
Susan Atkins NOOOO!!! NOOO MY LORD!!!! I ONLY WANT TO SERVE YOU UNTIL MY TRUE MASTER ARRIVES!!!!!
Lucifer: Yeah, yeah enough of that shit. Hey send her over to eat with her father. That fuckin diet is enough to make anyone suffer.
Demon: Yessssssss mmmmaaaaassssstttttteeeerrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
Lucifer: Damn I wish we would have got Patrick Sawzye. That fucker could dance. But he went straight to heaven along with anyone else that met Whoopie Goldberg and didn’t kill her right on the spot. You know sometimes the after life is just not fair.
Lucifer: Ok let’s get the next one up here. Who do we got? And it better not be another fuckin’ Indian because I hate talking to them whenever I have to fix my computer.
Susan Atkins: Welcome father, finally I am home to lay at your feet do homage to you my lord.
Lucifer: Oh one of Charlie’s girls. He’s a good boy. My favorite son actually. Well except for Keith Olberman but I know he is an acquired taste. So you want to be the PA Announcer?
Susan Atkins: Anything to serve you my Dark Lord I am yours to command.
Lucifer: Yeah, yeah that fuckin bowing and scraping shit doesn’t work with me. The big guy upstairs likes that. If you are on your knees it won’t be to pray to me bitch. Okay here’s your copy, start reading.
Susan Atkins: Right away Master…. (She hits microphone) ATTENTION!! ATTENTION ALL THE TOURTURED SOULS IN HELL….a few announcements. Will Billy Sunday, Aimee Semple McPherson and Jim Bakker please report to the chapel to listen to a endless loop of the memoirs of Casanova….will Franklin Delano Roosevelt, Captain Ahab and Helen Keller report to the potato sack field for the 40 mile potato sack race with the fire demon partners…will Ava Gardner, Laurence Oliver and John Barrymore report to the Devil’s Theatre in the round to perform the collected works of Pauly Shore to an audience of Florida snowbirds…will Cecil B De Mille, Frank Capra and DW Griffith report to the Screening room to view the latest video of fake militia troopers kidnapping brave liberals just concocted by Satan’s favorite minion Eli Blake. Thank you.
Lucifer: Not bad Suzie, not bad. I will let you know. Take her away boys (Two burly demons grab the protesting Manson family member and drag her away kicking and screaming)
Susan Atkins NOOOO!!! NOOO MY LORD!!!! I ONLY WANT TO SERVE YOU UNTIL MY TRUE MASTER ARRIVES!!!!!
Lucifer: Yeah, yeah enough of that shit. Hey send her over to eat with her father. That fuckin diet is enough to make anyone suffer.
Demon: Yessssssss mmmmaaaaassssstttttteeeerrrrrr!!!!!!!!!
Lucifer: Damn I wish we would have got Patrick Sawzye. That fucker could dance. But he went straight to heaven along with anyone else that met Whoopie Goldberg and didn’t kill her right on the spot. You know sometimes the after life is just not fair.
2 comments:
Sometimes Trooper you're just un-fucking-believable where you come up with this stuff. Ah-mazing-really.
Sometimes ya gotta feel sorry for Satan.
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