So I had to give a speech today. Actually yesterday and today. At both Masses. The bishop started a new program where he was trying to increase the collections at the weekly masses. Now nobody wants to hear about money and how they should give more. I know I feel that way.
But the bishop mandated that they wanted a parishioners should also speak not just the priest and the pastor asked me to do it. So I reviewed the financials of both the parish and the diocese as whole so I could speak intelligently.
Of course I couldn't give a technically speech with numbers and all boring stuff like that. So I decided to talk about pizza.
You see when I was a kid my mom would give me a quarter to go the pizza store and I would get two slices and a grape drink. Then on Sunday should would put a dollar in the collection plate. Now a slice of pizza costs $2.50 or so! Are you still putting that dollar in the plate. Com'on people. Put two slices of pizza in there for the baby Jesus.
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The pastor thought it was great. The only thing he didn't like was the last line of the speech.
I said "By the way, Father said that if you buy a dress at Lee Lee's Valise you will go straight to Heaven."
Just so you know.
Diocese financial too. Damn you must be a big shot up there.
Your team plays the Cowgirls tonight huh. In a very rare instance, I'll be rooting for the New York Football Petunias. Heh.
I figure that passing the basket in church is akin to soliciting guilt money from the visitors and random attendees. The faithful will be faithful in their giving as well as their living.
I know but of 200 people who contribute, 96 give a dollar.
That won't even buy you a cup of cofee off the cart let alone a fancy Starbucks.
A stirring speech. Put me down for a double anchovy pie. I'm good for it.
Damn that Shockey is tough when he's healthy.
I hope there's no meat on the pizza for the baby Jesus; you need to keep it kosher.
Asante, I figure only me and AJ remember that The Birds could have taken Brees instead of Famous Freddie Mitchell, but so could all the other teams.
Reports of the demise of the second most famous son of Brooklyn apparently were premature. Sid Rosenberg is back again, doing the 10 till 2 at WIOD, the flagship station of your Miami Dolphins. Also doing the post game.
Going to the stadium formerly known as Joe Robbie to see the Colts tomorrow night.
I thought Imus shot Sid Rosenberg. isn't that why they took him off the air for a while?
Hey looka that! The Cowgurlz are beatin' the Pretty Boyz.
Anyhow, the Iron Man started number 267, his team won, and the team run by the guy what fired Favre lost. So all is well on earth.
"I know but of 200 people who contribute, 96 give a dollar."
That's because those 96 figure the church's non-exempt tax status is worth one helluva lot of money.
You know, Troop, if you are honest, these days that sign of the cross is not unlike that plus sign on the calculator.
Some think the church is in the "business" of saving.
Just sayin'...
He didn't like "Put two slices in for Baby Jesus"?
Is he a Jesuit?
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