Hey what's your favorite Reality Show?

New poll. What's your favorite Reality show. I excluded American Idol because you figure that is more of a contest......and What Not to Wear is a makeover show. So the choices:

Survivor...........breast edition

Project Runway

Next Food Network Star

Real Housewifes of New Jersey

Flipping Out

I picked Jersey because that is by far the best of the Real Housewifes entry.

So have at it.

Hey it doesn't make you look mousey.

Jason (the commentor) thought this costume made him look mousey.

I think it just displays his steel trap mind. So to speak.

OK I admit I gave this kid some extra candy!

Just because that was a great costumes. You can never have enough of kids being in boiling water. Just sayn'

Hey look, it's the most popular Halloween costume in Montana

Hey look, Montana Urban Legend emailed me a photo of the most popular Halloween costume out there in sheep country.

Under the Big Sky. Where men are men and sheep are nervous.

It must be hard for all you Met's fans!

"Hey Doyle, I haven't see you around in while."
"I bet you are pretty pissed off. As a Met's fan. I mean the Phillies and the Yankees in the Series."
"The two teams you hate most in the world. Well except for the Republicans."
"It must be a kick in the ass."
"Wait are you drunk?"

Hey lets go for a drive

"Herman lets go for a drive."
"But Lily you hate to ride in our car."
"Oh I don't hate, I love when you drive real fast. I can stand in the moon roof and let the wind blow in my hair. I know I will take pictures."
"Ok, let's go!"

The most famous guy from Philadelphia is a fictional character!

That's why they have a statue of Rocky instead of some real person. I mean seriously. What's up with that?

Man I hate Halloween!

I don't know how much posting I will be doing today, as I am on door duty. I have to give the little bastards that show up some candy so they don't rush in and turn the store upside down.

This is gonna be a lot of fun.

Hey did I tell you lately that the Giants are going to win the Super Bowl!

Michael Hasenstab said...
Dude, you're obsessive posting about the NY Wankees is just a ploy to divert attention away from the suckatacious Giants. Cain't fool me none.Only sports worth watchin' this weekend are (1) Vikings at Packers, and (2) NASCAR doin' the race 'n' wreck at Talladega.Vikes by 3. Mark Martin.

Now, now you know that is not true. We intend to give the Igles all the attention they deserve when we open a can of whoop ass on them Sunday.

I have a warm place in my heart for Igles fans. After all they are "Special."

Just ask them and they will be happy to tell you. Just sayn'

Garage, dude I owe you an apology!

Garage, dude I owe you an apology! I was teasing you but you were absoultely right!

Michael H has shown me the error of my ways.

The Pack is Back. Or Baby's got Back. Or the Back of the Pack is Stacked.

Or......

Hamana....hamana....hamana.....hamana.....uuuurrrpppphhhh!!!!

Philadelphia fans on the Subway!

I allways thought that "Virginia was for Lovers." Not Philadelphia.

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

A sense of civility!

Hey one thing we can count on is that Philly fans will be civil. It's not like they are the jealous types or anything.

So I expect a good clean crowd while the Yankees are in Philly. Just Sayn'

Let's party it's all tied up!

Hey A-Rod's urine sample is busy at the commissioners office tonight so he asked me to fill in.

It's time to party and get ready for the rest of the series. We are tied at one win a piece and the series goes back to the bushes with the trip to cream cheese town. The Yankees only have to win one of the three games to get the home field advantage back and I am pretty confident that Andy will do the job.

I have to say that the umpires are sucking worse than ever but it seems they are sucking equally for both teams. The play where Posada was called out on a trapped ball when both runners were safe but it was called a double play really sucked. But it looked like we got a make up call on the double play in the top of the 8th because I though he was safe and the cheese steaks got hosed. Either it was a make up call or the first base ump really really sucked.

Anyway, we can sit back and listen to some music or maybe watch "Criminal Minds" tonight.

And no, "Criminal Minds" is not about Philly fans.

That would be the "Biggest Losers."

Hey I get comments!!!!!!!!

garage mahal said...
Does anyone ever wonder what it would be like having Kim Kardashian lounge around your house in just an over sized Packers jersey, and underwear? I do.

You gotta love garage mahal. Silly liberal that he is he got it all wrong. I mean if Kim is gonna lounge around in a football jersey it is going to be in a New Orleans Saints jersey for crying out loud.

But as a consolation price you can get a gander at Kim Kardashian's bush!

Hey I get comments!!!!!!

Theo Boehm said...
Hey, Trooper, I'll have you know I don't just work in a factory. No, not me. I'm a MANAGER. That means I'm on salary. No time clock. I'm so important, I get to work 60 hours a week. At least.

Holy proletariat Batman! I had no idea that Theo was such a big wheel. But I know he is very modest and he also knows what dogs do to big wheels.

But if Mort were awake, he would say that Theo is the MAN!

LETS GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So the Phillies won the first game and beat our ace. So we aren't hitting. You think I am scared?

You think I gave up? You think I surrender?

Did we give up when the Germans Bombed Pearl Harbor?

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTSSSSSSSSS GGGGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOO
YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKKKKKEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSS

Hey I was busy!

Just so you don't think I was hiding out because of the Yankees, I was just real busy as "What Not to Wear" filmed another episode in the store yesterday. We had to clean and rearrange the store from top to bottom before the filming and the filming itself is exhausting. So we rested today.

The show had a subject who was the nicest one we had met in the nine times we were on the show. She was very petite which made it a very hard fit but Stacy and Clintion did a great job finding clothes for her. I think it will be a great episode.

The Phillie's don't have guys with seventies porno mustaches and suede car coats who tackle Chris Chamblis after he beats the R

Well they don't!

The Phillies don't get the hot chicks!

Oh wait, there was that Philly news chick, what was her name who got arrested for beating up a cab driver.

You see she got drunk and as they pulled up to her apartment she realized she didn't have any money. So she slipped off her panties and spread her legs and said to the driver "Sorry Adbul but I don't have any money, but how about this."

The Driver turns around and looks over and says "Com'on Lady, don't you have anything smaller?"

The Phillies don't have cool commercials about cigarettes and pussy!

That's right. it takes a real man to handle a camel and a pussy in boots.

No, not a camel pussy AJ, pay attention.

The Phillies don't have a hit record from 1941!

Hey where are the songs about Bobby Wine and Riche Ashburn?

Oh, I see.

The Phillies don't have a movie!!!

Hey Tanglefoot.

I remember when I was a kid, Mrs. Babe Ruth and Mrs. Lou
Gehrig were at every Old Timers game.

Now it's Diane Munson and Bobby Murcers wife.

There are no songs about the Phillies!

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the fella

With the celebrated swing

Oh, I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the one who

Drives me batty every spring

If I don't make a hit with him

My heart will break in two

I wish that I could catch him

And pitch a lttle woo

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

Mickey you (Mickey me)

That's who

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, his muscles

Are a mighty sight to see

Oh, I love Mickey (Mickey who)

You know who, the one I want

To steal right home with me

Oh, I'd sacrifice most anything

To win his many charms

I'd like to be a fly ball

And pop right in his arms

I love Mickey (Mickey who)

Mickey Mantle, ooh, I love you(Who, me)

ooh, I love you(Not Yogi Berra)

Ooh, I love you

Mickey

(I Love Mickey, Theresa Brewer)

The Poetry of the great Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto

To Be Alone

Hey White

You know where your loyalties are?
Right here.

The old pinstripes.

No.

You never wore them

So you have a right to sing the blues.

May 12, 1987

New York at Chicago

Bill Long pitching to Dan Pasqua

Second inning, no outs, bases empty

White Sox lead 1-0

The Poetry of the great Phil "Scooter" Rizzuto

Prayer for the Captain

There's a little prayer I always say

Whenever I think of my family or when I'm flying,

When I'm afraid, and I am afraid of flying.

It's just a little one. You can say it no matter what,

Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Protestant or

whatever.

And I've probably said it a thousand times

Since I heard the news on Thurman Munson.
It's not trying to be maudlin or anything.

His Eminence, Cardinal Cooke, is going to come out

And say a little prayer for Thurman Munson.

But this is just a little one I say time and time again,

It's just: Angel of God, Thurman's guardian dear,

To whom his love commits him here there or everywhere,

Ever this night and day be at his side,

To light and guard, to rule and guide.

For some reason it makes me feel like I'm talking to

Thurman,

Or whoever's name you put in there,

Whether it be my wife or any of my children, my parents

or anything.

It's just something to keep you really from going bananas.

Because if you let this,

If you keep thinking about what happened, and you can't

understand it,

That's what really drives you to despair.

Faith. You gotta have faith.

You know, they say time heals all wounds,

And I don't quite agree with that a hundred percent.

It gets you to cope with wounds.

You carry them the rest of your life.

Phil Rizzuto

August 3, 1979

Baltimore at New York

Pregame show

Rain out theatre

When I was a kid, you always watched the Yankees on WPIX Channel 11. They had the greatest announcing crew ever: Frank Messer, Bill White and the one and only Scooter, Phil Rizzuto.

But if it rained and they had a delay, they would always put on an episode of "Abbott and Costello." They didn't have all that many series to choose from in those days and WPIX had all the best ones to repeat. "Abbott and Costello." "Buck Rodgers." "The Honeymooners."

I hope they have a couple of episodes ready for tonight's rain out.

HHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYY AAABBBBBBBOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!

I had to switch to the harp.

"I had to switch the harp. I used to play the flute but I had an affair with my teacher. He was a young graduate student who was assisting the professor. He was so handsome."

"He taught me how to play the flute. And the clarinet. And the recorder. Basiclly anything you could put your mouth on and blow!"

"But my uncle Herman found out about us and went to see if his intentions were honorable."

"They weren't.....he was just a player.....So we had to break up"

"I hear he works in a factory now.... and bothers people on the internets.....poor guy."

It's Wedding Cake for the Win!

Well the Soup Poll is over and a dark horse won! Italian Wedding Soup for the win!

The results:

Italian Wedding Soup 18
Lentil 15
Tomato 15
Split Pea 13
Matzo Ball 3

The Trooper York special Italian Wedding Soup recipe will be posted shortly. From my Grandmothers recipe.

Next up, what’s your favorite reality show?

I am just too freakin busy!

I am just too busy today getting ready for a big event tomorrow. More details later.

Right now I have to get back to it. Discuss amongst yourselfs. The question: Marilyn, Stella or Charo.......You make the call.

After four hours consult your doctor

Herman Munster: DARN, DARN, DARN, DARN!

Lily Munster: What's the matter Herman?

Herman Munster: Well you know that potion that Grandpa cooked up for my upset stomach?

Lily Munster: Yes the one with eye of newt and toe of bat and that piece of hickory?

Herman Munster: Well it seems to have worked. But it has a strange side effect.

Lily Munster: Whats that?

Herman Munster: All of the Bolts on my body are sticking straight out. And they have for the past four hours.

Lily Munster: Oh Herman, you can be such a monster some times!

Herman Munster: Happy Halloweenie!!!!

Diamonds are a Girls Best Friend

Toot’s Shors Saloon, May 5, 1962

Toots: Hey Joe, great to see you. I haven’t seen you in while.
Joe DiMaggio:

Toots: And look who you have with you….Charo baby where is your Xavier? Does he know you are out?
Charo: (an extremely young girl who answers in a breathy sexy voice) Yello Tootise….mi Xavier is muy Viejo. He so old. He needs his rest. But Jose wanted to meet me for a drink and some food and maybe som cootchie-cootchi….how can I say no to the Yankee Zippper.
Toots: Hey Joe…..ah…Marilyn’s here…in the back…just so you know.
Joe DiMaggio:
Toots: I don’t want no trouble Joe, why don’t youse crumbums just go up and say hello.(Joe takes Charo’s hand and walks to the back and stands in front of Marilyn who is visibly drunk and looking blowsy at her table)
Marilyn: Joe….fancy meeting you here…who’s the spic whore.
Charo: Jello Miss Monroe it is your pleasure to meet you. Me nombre is María del Rosario Pilar Martínez Molina Baeza. But you can all me Charo. Nice to meet chu (She extends her hand shyly, but Marilyn ignores it)
Toots: Hey lets siddown and have a couple of pops.

Charo: Bueno. (Charo sits down opposite Marilyn and as she does her legs are slightly open. She is not wearing any underwear. Neither is Marilyn. As each sit their tense twats queef at each other like two mallards about to fight) Senor Jose I remember when I was a little girl living in a small fishing village in Spain. My old grandfather used to take me out to the village to the cinema. And we would see Mrs. Monroe in the motion pictures. Mucho anos ago.
Marilyn; Jesus, Joe how young is this bitch, she must be all of sixteen.
Charo: I am old enough senora. But no so vieja as tu.
Marilyn: Joe you gonna let this bitch talk like that to me? Me? JOE?
Joe DiMaggio:

Charo: Why is ju so upset Mrs Marilyn? I am not making the funs. I respect my elders. By the way you have a lot of grey hair on your conyo…maybe you should put the dye on it or shave it like your moustache, no? Shouldn’t she Jose?
Joe Dimaggio:
Marilyn: What nothing to say…you gonna let this loopy latin cunt talk to me this way……well screw you…you guinea motherfucker (Marilyn throws her drink at Joe, picks up her purse and storms out of the saloon)
Charo: Oooooohh baby let me clean ju off. (Charo starts to wipe off Joe with a towel, he pushes her away)
Toots Shor: What a crazy broad man, forget about her Joe.

Joe DiMaggio: Get me her doctor on the phone. Tell I said it was ok to give her back her pills.
Toots Shor: But Joe why do you want to get involved again? Just let it go and have some rice and beans with this hot young chickie.
Joe DiMaggio: I have to look after her, I’m all she’s got.
Toots: You sure Joe?

Joe DiMaggio: DO LIKE I TELL YOU AND SHADUPP!

I hate Halloween!!!!!

I always hated Halloween. Along with Christmas it is among my least favorite holidays. It has become so commercial and greedy that it is just not worth getting out of bed for. We closed the store every Halloween since we opened because we knew we would not do any business. What happens is thousands and I mean thousands of kids show up looking for candy. Now I really don't mind the little kids which I could deal with but the big douche bags who are twelve and thirteen come around and get rowdy. And nowadays you can't even hit them. I mean in the old days if they stepped out of line you could rap them one in the chops and when they got home and their parents heard what they did they would catch another beating. But now they will sue your ass off.

The first year after we were married the wife got all carried away like she has a tendency to do. She decorated our house with all kinds of lights and skeletons and witchs and stuff and made all these little bags chock full of candy. She gave out all the stuff and the little kids were delighted. I stood outside with my upstairs neighbor who is over six feet two just like me as the kids came up to get their treats. (He was interested in meeting some of the single moms, but that's another story). Around seven thirty or so the worm turned. The teenagers and tweens from the projects came around. Their costumes were basically Air Jordan, hoodies and a JD card. One kid takes the package of candy, looks at it, and pegs it across the street. He goes "What's this shit...give me ten dollars." I look at him and say "Hey kid look out, I am gonna scare the shit out of you....here's a job application...now get the fuck out of here." He decided that discretion was the best move so he went with his crew to the next house down the block. The wife kind of soured on the experience after another hour of similar encounters.

We have to open on Saturday because it is our biggest day and we can't take a chance that a destination shopper might miss out. But I intend to close early. I have a bunch of little bags for the little kids.

Oh and I bought some apples for the bigger losers. The only problem is that CVS only has the BIC disposables. But I am working on it.

Happy Halloween!!!!

Frenchy Fuqua's Shoe Blog

Yo you gots to the get these motherfucking snakes offa this motherfucking plane!!!!!!!!!!!

Man my Giants sucked last night. Eli threw the ball away more times than that Clark Gable guy gelding horsies in the Misfits. He should be on the freaking Angels the way he coughed up the football. I mean I have to admit I just checked into the game now and then cause I was watching the Yankees. I am big time Yankees fan you know ever since those days when I used to hang out at the track with Mickey Rivers. Man we used to go out with Billy Martin and Art Fowler and get shit-faced and get in fights all the time. So I was happy to watch my Yankees kick ass. But every time I turned on the Giants it seemed like they just fumbled or threw an interception or the punter had a 3 yard punt or something. Now I found out why they sucked. The starting right guard Reggie Mckenzie was out and they had a rookie in there protecting Eli's blind side so he was a little discombulated and off his game. Still and all they are 5 and 2 which is fine for this time of the season. They beat Dallas and Washington and should bitch slap those punk Eagles next week while the Yanks open up a can of whoop ass on those Phillies. The only can the Eagles and the Phillies can open up is a can of cheese wiz.

The only other game I sort of watched was the Jets and the Raiders cause I am a big Kenny Stabler fan but he didn't get in the game. Even Dave Casper was like a ghost man. The funniest thing was that Mexican quarteback Sanchez eating a hot dog during the game. That boy ain't right! I mean as a beaner he should have been having a taco. I remember Joe Willie always liked to munch on a fish taco during the game. That's why he won the Super Bowl for crying out loud!

Let's see what happens next week. Meantime....LETS GO YANKEES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dear Mrs. Steve Philips

I see that your big mouth got Steve fired. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE!!!!!

I mean I have a big mouth but Steve told me I could put it to better use. You knew your marriage was over. I mean after all when Steve was with the Mets he had sex with every woman who worked for the team. And Gary Cohen but that is just because he is way effeminate. And Steve taught those sex harassment classes to all those minor leagurers. I mean those young Dominican boys didn't know you could demand sex from everyone just because you were a ballplayer! I mean they were innocent young boys not Stephon Marbury! Steve had to school them in the ins and out and in and out and in and out. He is a teacher!

I still don't even understand why those lousy Wilpons fired him. He gave them such great advice. Look he traded that douche bag Kazmir who can't even throw the ball over the plate the loser! And he got them all that money by introducing them to Bernie Madoff. Steve told them that they had to invest if they didn't want to get fucked. And everybody wants to get fucked right?

So now your big mouth ruined everything. I know that Steve deeded the house over to you and agreed to a divorce. That was our plan. I mean we didn't talk about it but I did think about it while Steve was giving me an STD in the SUV in the parking lot. And now you end up with everything and Steve lost his job and is in rehab all because you are just a big mouth bitch!

I don't know how you are blocking all my calls and how you still have control of Steve's e-mails so he is not getting any of my messages. But I know Steve really really loves me and he will be calling me when he gets out of rehab. SO YOU BETTER TELL HIM I WILL BE WAITING!!!

You should tell Steve that I will be waiting. I have a gig working the world series at Yankee Stadium. If he is looking for me he should check out the Pretzel stand on the mezzanine level at gate 16. I will be waiting.

Toodles,

Your Pal,

Brooke

Laura Bush's Diary

Well it has been a tough couple of weeks here at the ranch. First Poppy and Bug eyed Barb visited for a week. Then the Phillies beat the Dodgers in the playoffs. I hate the Phillies ever since that incident with John Kruk. I can tell you stories about why he really only has one ball but I won’t. And of course my great friend Captain Lou Albano passed away. Did you ever notice how so many of your friends all seem to pass away in bunches? First one or two then all of a sudden ten of them die in one year. I think what happens is that the people who were in their thirties and forties when you were a kid or a young adult are now at that age where they all start to pass away at the same time. It’s kinda scary.

Anyhoo I had been busy scapbooking some old photo’s of Capt Lou and Gorilla Monsoon and Chief Jay Strongbow one afternoon when my private line buzzed. I have a line that doesn’t go through the switch board for private calls. Only seven people have that number. Even W doesn’t have it. I jumped. Who could it be? I let it ring six or seven times before I picked it up. “Hello” I said. “Laura” “Yes, who is this.” “He’s dead Laura.” “Who’s dead? Captain Lou? Who is this?” “No not Captain Lou. Soupy. My Soupy Sales is dead.” “Oh my God, is that you Robyn?” “Laura my Soupy is gone.”

Now I might have told you before about the old days when I was just out of college and was trying to make it big in New York. I was working the peeps at Show world on Eight Avenue with my friend Robyn Byrd. We were roommates for a while with Joey Heatherton and Anita Gillette. But I hadn’t seen her for years. Ever since that night that Bug Eyed Barb and me got drunk and went on Robyn’s cable show. That caused such a big fuckin mess that W forbid me to talk to her. I agreed because I like to let W think he is running things. I mean he does what I say about stuff like invading Iraq and whacking Lilo Calante …. Oh shit I wasn’t supposed to talk about that …forget that. Anyway I don’t sweat the small stuff like him telling not to talk to Robyn. I mean she had my number if she needs me. And now she had finally called.

“Laura I don’t know what to do. Soupy and I had lost contact for a while but you know I always loved him. What can I do? I miss him so. I always thought we would end up together in our old age but now it can never happen. I want to kill myself.” “Now don’t talk foolishness Robyn. You are still a young woman. Soupy was a lot older than you. Plus he was a married man. You know it would never be. You need to move on.” “That’s easy for you to say Laura. You have your W. Everything turned out great for you. Me I have nothing to show for all my years of work but some tapes of talk shows with Al Goldstein, a drawer full of black crocheted bikini’s and herpes. Life is just not fair.” “I know Robyn, I know.”

We were all so young then. We used to get together for drinks with our friends like Joey Heatherton, Anita Gillette and that slut bag whore Sandy Duncan. We were all young career gals. Sort of like Marlo Thomas in ‘That Girl.” Except we didn’t have a Daddy who knew best how to help our careers. Well except for Joey cause her Daddy was the Merry Mailman on WPIX TV and she used to get us side gigs and invited to all kinds of industry parties. So we got to meet all the big stars of live TV in New York in those days. Sandy Dennis from Wonderama. Chuck McCann. Bozo the Clown. And of course my hero, Officer Joe Bolton. I might have told you about the night I met him. You see all of us young girls had a thing for one of these older gents who were so successful in TV at the time. You might call it the David Letterman syndrome. I mean if you were gonna date someone who should date someone who could help your career you know?

We would all go to Sardi’s and sit at the bar and all of the big stars would come in for drinks after the shows. There were Broadway stars and chorus boys and dancers and everyone in show business in New York City at the time. And out of all of them, Robyn had a thing for Soupy Sales. Now we all told her she was crazy. I mean we were all sure that Soupy was gay. I mean he loved to hang around with Tony Randall and Wally Cox and that little Mary Souter while they did shots of sambucca and eat those little hot dogs. It was all so gay. But Robyn didn’t want to hear it. She loved Soupy. She would go on and on about his beautiful eyes and his gorgeous hair and perfect teeth. It was sickening really.

Well one snowy February night Robyn got her chance. Joey and Robyn and I were sitting at the bar around three in the morning when Soupy wandered in high as a kite. You see he had just got suspended for two weeks for pulling that gag where he had all the kids go into their mother’s purses and take out money and mail it to him. Soupy was pissed and he was drunk and he was looking for trouble. And Robyn’s middle name was trouble. Well maybe it was Chlamydia but close enough. Anyhoo she sidled up to Soupy and they had a conversation as she ran her hand up and down his back. And then up and down his thigh. Soupy was bleary and drunk but eventually he took Robyn’s hand and they left the bar. She looked back at us with a big smile on her face. Her dream had come true! She was going home with Soupy Sales!

And so they started an affair. But it was an ill-fated one from the first. You see Robyn confided in me. There was a big problem. You see Soupy wasn't a fairy. He was a furry. He only got off with puppets and stuffed animals. That’s why his whole show was about puppets. He not only had them on the show. He molested each and every one of them. He was worse than David Letterman. Or even Steve Phillips. He had a four way with Kukla, Fran and Ollie. He titty-fucked Lamb Chop before she went on Ed Sullivan. After he dropped Oscar he became a big Grouch. So he only agreed to be with Robyn because he was drunk.

She tried to make it work. She stopped shaving and grew a full Oscar Gamble down there. She even agreed to wear costumes and stuff. For a while she was even a bit player on the show. She would put on the White Fang gloves and give Soupy a handie while he was talking to all the little kiddies. But it wasn’t meant to be. They drifted apart. Robyn went on to star in “Debbie Does Dallas” and her own long running cable TV show. Soupy bounced around TV and had a couple of shows and was eventually reduced to going to autograph shows where he had a booth between Burt Ward and the Eddie Munster guy. And now he was dead.

I talked to Robyn for an hour or so and calmed her down. She just needed to grieve. I know the feeling. It’s funny how you never forget your first love. But it seems like all these stories seem the same after a while. And it seems more and more I have to hear about people from those days that are passing from the scene. Now so many of them are gone. And W’s fucking pain in the ass mother just goes on and on and on.

Life is just unfair sometimes.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

I don't understand why you don't realize that Steve and I deserve to be together. I mean I did everything for him. I carried his bags and got him his stats and got him his diet Cokes and I let him give me a dirty Sanchez while we were on the road. I even watched the Mets with him and you know I had to love him if I was watching the dog ass Mets.

I even hid under the desk while he did MLB Tonight so he could teabag me while talking about the pennant race. He said it calmed him down. He told me I was the best production assistant he ever had!

I don't know how you are blocking my calls. I guess you changed Steve's cellphone number without telling him so he doesn't know I am calling. I know you blocked his email account. You know you can't keep him away from me. He wants what I got and he wants it bad.

So you better tell him that I am waiting. But he better not wait too long. David Letterman called me for an interview. There's more than one bee buzzing around this honeypot.

Toodles,

Your friend,

Brooke.

HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP THAT!

"HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING! STOP THAT!"

"I can see what you are doing through the computer. ..I am calling the cops. ....You should only do that in the privacy of your bedroom. .....What...you are getting coffee....well what are you're hands doing down there...I'm calling the cops."

"WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE....ME?"

Hey we are also in style in InStyle

To continue on our roll we were chosen as one of the "Best of the Web" for November's InStyle magizine. And we have a 10% discount if you use the code in ordering on-line. For those of you who are afraid of ordering on-line and just want to dip your toe in.

I had hopes that Dust Bunny Queen would order online someday until I found out she was a nudist. Oh well you can't win them all!

Aye, Aye Miss Moneypenny!

"Well Miss Moneypenny I see you are in uniform this morning. I didn't know you were under Her Majesty's colors."

"Oh I am not Commander Bond. I just joined the Old Navy. They had a sale on Michael Jackson military wear. You might think about signing up as well."

"Why would I do that? I am already a Commander in the Royal Navy."

"Well because you are naked."

"I just wanted to make some coffee. Would you like some? One lump or two?"

"Ohhhhh Jaaaammmmeessssss!!!!!"

AJ Burmett is a douche bag!

You know I have had enough of AJ Burnett. He bitches and moans about Posada and wants his own personal catcher. I mean I know other pitchers like Roger Clemins did the same shit but they produced. Y0u don't put a Hall of Famer like Posada on the bench because you are a pussy.

I wish Billy Martin was still the manager. He would have went to the mound and punched him in the face after he gave up four runs. What a douche.

Hey I am gonna give you the boot!

The wife had to write about boots on her blog at Never Say Diet. Every single woman who comes into the store askes us if we are going to get in boots. It seems one of the toughtest things for people to find. You see it always a tough fit principally because of the calve issue. You see many woman have shapely legs but their calves a little wider than you would think because of their shoe size. So when they get a boot with a wide enough calve it is too bunch at the ankle and looks silly. You know think the oppisite of Hillary Clinton. No cankles. Just a slim ankle with a wider calve.

Well she found the answer in this website called WideWidths.com which has a whole explanation on how to buy boots by measuing yourself properly. The wife bought two pairs of boots and is really really happy. It's crazy. Check it out if you want to get boots or if you want to buy them for you wife. It is highly recommended.

Hello AM New York!

With the decline of newspapers into junk you wouldn't want to wrap fish in, there is a trend to have free giveaway papers since that is the only way many people will get one. With the internet there really isn't any reason to buy a paper so various free local papers have been created. Hey even the Village Voice is a freebie now.

Usually what happens is they hire some people to stand outside the subway entrances and hand out papers to people rushing to work. Many people take them because they are usually smaller than a regular newspaper and it gives them something to read without having to pay for it. Advertisers like it because it gets their ads out to a wider audience at a lower rate but still enough for the publisher to make a profit. You know the market at work.

Now this week one of those papers "AM New York" published their "Best of New York" segment where they list great stores and events and activities for New Yorkers. And wouldn't ya know it they picked Lee Lee's Valise to lead off the segment as one of the best boutiques in the city. Pretty cool for a little store in Brooklyn. Now unlike several other corrupt newspapers I can name, I didn't have to buy an ad to get covered by the paper. That's one of the reasons I have such a low opinion of journalists. You see they prostitute their editorial judgement for ad sales. Not happening. It is really satisfying when they feature you just because you have good stuff. Because that is just the way it should be. So this unexpected feature is very gratifying.

Thank you "AM New York!" (CLick on it to enlarge it to read the post)

Hey sorry the postiing is light!!!

But I have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off.

We are in InStyle magazine as one of the top websites with a 10% discount coupon and the orders are flowing in.

Also one of the giveaway papers listed us in their "Best of New York" as a great boutique. What's cool about that is they have people standing outside the subway stops handing out the paper for free so a lot of people take them who don't normally read newspapers. So many people who ordinarily wouldn't read about us found out about the shop.

Plus we might have another show filming in the store next week so of course the wife is changing everything around to freshen up the store.

So I will get to the Yankees and why AJ Burnett should have his balls cut off and Soupy passing and all the rest later or maybe tomorrow.

Meantime talk amongst yourselves. Oh and have some soup.

Why I believe in the trickle down theory Moneypenny!

"I see this photo on your desk Moneypenny. You were quite the little minx in your youth weren't you?"

"Oh I had my fun Commander Bond. I worked at the Army Department during the war."

"Who is the young man, you're boyfriend?"

"Oh no just a young man that I gave a VD card to as he was cleared of all disease. I hear he later went into politics. I bet he wouldn't want this photo to get out."

"I would think not. What a terrible disease. Thank God I have never had the misfortune."

"Well it isn't all bad. It made you think. In fact this young man said it was very important in his political philosophy. In fact it gave rise to one his main planks in his political platform."

"Really what was that?"

"Why the Trickle down effect....for obvious reasons."

"Quite."

It's all there in black and white.

"Hello, is anyone there....knock, knock?"
"Oh come in Trey. I have transformed the day room into an artistes studio. Meet my friend Davey, but I like to call him Chickenlittle...because he has the cutest little drumstick."
"Errrr ok Selina, but you do know it is time for our session."
"I don't think so Trey. I am having a session with my little artiste. He says I am his muse. He want's to dip his brush in my little paint pot ....don't you my little chickenlittle? Look under my smock, I am not wearing anything below the waist other than these little white sox...."
'Hamana, hamana, hamana uuurrrrphhhhh (in stereo and then there are two loud thumps)"
"Trey....Davey...Trey....Davey....my goodness I guess the aspect of true art was too much for them."

Quick and dirty Lentils by Trooper York

1 bag of Lentils
4 large Potatoes
1 Bag of carrots
2 large Spanish Onions
1 Bunch of celery
6 cloves of garlic
2 Packages Goya Chorizo sausages with 3 in each package.
½ teaspoon of red pepper flakes
1 teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon paprika
Optional
1 lb of tubitini pasta

Here is the quick and dirty Trooper York Lentil Soup Recipe.

First dice up the garlic and one of the onions in your food processor. Put some olive oil in the bottom of a soup pot, not to much just enough to cover the bottom of the pan. Put in the garlic and the onion and caramelize. (Hey I almost wrote camelize…better yet cameltoeize…Hee) When it is halfway done add one package of the chorizo’s cut into dime size slices and sauté till all the hot juices come out and you kitchen smells great.

In the meantime you were soaking the lentils in cold water to wash them. Drain and have them ready.

Cut up the carrots in large chunks country style along with the peeled potatoes and the celery.

When the onions and chorizos and garlic are cooked add cold water up to the handle rivets on your six gallon stock pot. Drain the lentils and put them in the water. Bring to a boil and then lower the flame. Add the carrots and the celery. Cook for about an hour. Add the potato in the last 20 minutes along with the rest of the cut up chorizos. Add the salt, red pepper and paprika and stir. Cook only long enough for the lentils to get soft but not the point that they bursrt and lose their shape.

Serve with Italian pepper biscuits and a hearty red wine.

PS if you want pasta lentique well make a pound of tubitini pasta, drain and mix in with the soup. Note that it will soak up a lot of the soup so be aware and don’t put too much in the pot so you don’t lose the soupiness.

Dear Mrs Steve Phillips

I don't know why you are making this so difficult. I mean I am sorry I ran over your Chinese mailman and your rose bushes and hit your front column of your fence. But I really wanted to make it easy for you. To give up Steve. He loves me you know.

You have to realize that Steve loves me. He loves me just as much as he loves baseball. He said he thought that I reminded him of the Mets. I asked him is that because he loved me with all his heart. He mumbled something about getting his rocks off and leaving but I don't think that is what he meant. He was just mad because Theo Epstein was on the TV and he hates him because he is still a GM and Steve is just a talking puppet on basic cable. I mean he did such a great job as general manager. Look at how he got rid of that loser Scott Kazmir. He couldn't even beat the stinky Yankees. He was right to trade him for that pitcher with one arm.

Steve is so smart. I loved to work with him at ESPN. He was so witty and funny and cool. I think it is so true that he was right to not sign A-Rod for the Mets. Then the team would have definitely been 24 plus 1. I mean Steve knows that A-Rod is just a big cheater. And he even cheated on his wife with that whore Madonna. I am so glad that the Mets didn't sign him.

Now don't get me wrong. Steve didn't cheat on you. Not really. I mean your marriage is over he was just staying because of your seven kids. You should have a reality show. You know like that crazy bitch who married that vaguely chinky guy like the mailman I ran over. They lost their show maybe you can get it. Just so long as you let Steve go.

I want to say I am sorry that I was writing to your oldest son on Facebook. But I had to find out what was going on. I sent him this picture of me in my bunny costume. Steve loved that costume too. He said we had to fuck like bunnies. He loved for me to dress up. All three times we did it. Once he made me dress up like Joan Payson. That was kinda kinky you know. I just didn't like it when I had to wear that Big Mr Met Head. That was very stuffy. And it smelled like cum. Just like I did when Stevie was done with me.

I think you should stop going to the newspapers and just realize that my Stevie and I have to be together. I don't want to keep dropping these letters off at you house because I have to get my Camry fixed. So please just let my Stevie go.

Otherwise I might have to do something I don't want to do.

Toodles,

Your pal
Brooke Hundley

It's all there in black and white.

"Why hello Trey. And look whose here. Theo as well. It must be my T day. Maybe we should have a T party."
"I don't think so Selina. I do think it is time for our session."
"Yes and I thought we were going to practice the flute Selina. Look I put on my official professor's velvet robe that I always wear when I am about to instruct a sweet young thing."
"Boys, boys I am afraid I don't have time for that. My friend Michael H and I are going out. He brought his motorcycle and we are going to ride and ride and take some photo's wherever we go."
"But Selina, a motorcycle is so dangerous. Especially with all the medication you are taking. It must affect your balance."
"Maybe you are right Trey. Perhaps I can stay here and use a alternative means of transportation. I know how about a train....Trey...Trey...and you Theo....why are you both laying on the floor.....you aren't going to get anywhere that way....oh my...I think you might miss the train."

Everybody loves Soup!

Everybody loves soup. We are off to a good start with our poll and there is surprising support for my favorite (you were right as usual chickenlittle) Italian wedding soup.

I will be putting up my recieipe soon but it complicated so I have to consult with my mom to make sure I get it right.

But if you are shopping you need a pound of beef a pound of veal and a pound of pork, eggs, breadcrumbs, pototoes, carrots, celery, soup bones, a gravy round, onions, garlic and a whole bunch of stuff. Details to follow.

Are you pointing those things at me or are you just happy to see me?

Hey blake has a very interesting discussion on his great blog the Bit Maelstrom. Oh the post is about some stupid movie bullshit but he digress into Trooper York territory when he talks about a woman wearing bra's to bed.

Our other good friend Theo Boehm also has a great post on his super blog "A Quiet Evening" post something about that famous pointy bra wearing Madonna skank, but misses his chance to post his favorite photo of Madonna and her two childs.

You guys have to realize the eternal blogger equation:

Point Breasts= hits.

Dear Mrs. Steve Phillips

Hi you don't know me but I am the assistant who has been having sex with your husband for the last year. You know while he was working up at ESPN. Now you must know that it is a requirement that all of the assistants who live and work in Connecticut have to have stinky dirty sex with the on air talent. And not just at ESPN. That's also why David Letterman lives up here.

Anyway I want you to know that it wasn't just dirty filthy nasty sex between Steve and me. We love each other. I know that because all three times that he banged me he grunted that yes he loved it. And by it I am sure he meant me. I mean I know he made me wear a bag over my head with a picture of Robbie Alomar on it but that was just kinky stuff you know. I mean after all the man ran the Mets so he has to be kind of kinky.

Oh and if you don't believe me I just have to tell you that is dick is kinky too! It bends to the left and he has a birthmark in the shape that looks a lot like Jerry Koosman right on his taint. Just in case you think I was making this up.

Now Steve told me all about your family. About your seven kids. I have been facebooking them all and I know everything about you. You know you should tell your sons not to write back to every woman who facebooks them and sends them pictures of her pooter. I mean it was ok for me to do it but then I am practically part of the family.

So you should know that Steve and I were meant to be together since you don't love him and would never give him anal like I would. I think you might have seen me when I dropped off this letter and you were walking up the driveway. I drove off kind of fast and I am sorry that I ran over your mailmen. But he was Chinese so I am sure there are plenty more where he came from. Sorry about that.

Anyway I think you should realize that you can not stop Steve and me from being together. You can keep the mansion and the cars and the jewelry and the seven kids. All I want is Steve to live with me in my studio apartment in my fathers basement. We just want to be together! You have to realize that Steve doesn't love you since I am the fifty seventh woman he has fucked this year. But I am the last. He loves me. So I think what you should do is give Steve his freedom.

I think that would be best for all concerned.

Anyways, thanks for listening. I am on my way to the pet store to buy a bunny.

Your pal,

Brooke Hundley