Forcas: Will you be interviewing any new announcers my dread Lord.
Lucifer: I don't know. I want to watch American Idol. Most of those losers are gonna end up here soon. Especially that dick with the cowboy hat and the cop bitch. Plus that dried up grandmother Steven Tyler. He looks like my shriveled up Satan's cock.
Forcas: Well we have several people lined up for you to look at. We have this dude who played Al Capone and was in those shitty Cassavetes movies. A couple of artists. And a big pop star.
Lucifer: What Keith Richards is here? No way. He is going to heaven. It's all set. The Big Guy uses him to test out all the new drugs that people are gonna abuse. He gets a free pass.
Forcas: No we have a famous female singer who was a star in the eighties.
Lucifer: WHAT! PAULA ADUBL IS HERE!
Forcas: No it 's not her my dread lord.
Lucifer: HOLY SHIT IT"S GOTTA BE PAT BENATAR ! I LOVE THAT SLUTTY BITCH!
Forcas: No my lord. It's is pop star and famous crack head Whitney Houston.
Whitney Houston: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas she pops up and bleary eyed looks around) Where am I? Bobby! Bobby you out there? BOBBY WHERES MY CRACK AT!!!!!!!!!!!
Lucifer: No I ain't Bobby bitch. I am the Devil and you are here in Hell.
Whitney Houston:What! Why is I here in Hell? I am Whitney fuckin Houston you cracker motherfucker.
Lucifer: Listen you dizzy bitch. I ain't no cracker. I have a freaking red skin for crying out loud.
Whitney Houston: But whys is I here in hell? I was good to everybodies. I loved everybodies. Especially the childrens. The children's they is our future....
Lucifer: Really you dumb twat. What about your children's. You loved
the pipe a lot more than them bitch. Plus you besmirched the good name of Bobby
Brown. That kid is a saint. He was a church going good boy who got hooked up
with your crack whore ass and went downhill. Everybody blames him because you
were supposed to be sweet and all that shit but it was you all the time you
dirty crack whore. Forcas get the mikeLucifer: I don't know. I want to watch American Idol. Most of those losers are gonna end up here soon. Especially that dick with the cowboy hat and the cop bitch. Plus that dried up grandmother Steven Tyler. He looks like my shriveled up Satan's cock.
Forcas: Well we have several people lined up for you to look at. We have this dude who played Al Capone and was in those shitty Cassavetes movies. A couple of artists. And a big pop star.
Lucifer: What Keith Richards is here? No way. He is going to heaven. It's all set. The Big Guy uses him to test out all the new drugs that people are gonna abuse. He gets a free pass.
Forcas: No we have a famous female singer who was a star in the eighties.
Lucifer: WHAT! PAULA ADUBL IS HERE!
Forcas: No it 's not her my dread lord.
Lucifer: HOLY SHIT IT"S GOTTA BE PAT BENATAR ! I LOVE THAT SLUTTY BITCH!
Forcas: No my lord. It's is pop star and famous crack head Whitney Houston.
Whitney Houston: (slides down the stairwell to hell and tumbles at the feet of Satan and his right hand fallen angel Forcas she pops up and bleary eyed looks around) Where am I? Bobby! Bobby you out there? BOBBY WHERES MY CRACK AT!!!!!!!!!!!
Lucifer: No I ain't Bobby bitch. I am the Devil and you are here in Hell.
Whitney Houston:What! Why is I here in Hell? I am Whitney fuckin Houston you cracker motherfucker.
Lucifer: Listen you dizzy bitch. I ain't no cracker. I have a freaking red skin for crying out loud.
Whitney Houston: But whys is I here in hell? I was good to everybodies. I loved everybodies. Especially the childrens. The children's they is our future....
Forcas: Very well my lord. Do you want here to sing?
Lucifer: Sure why not. She ain't coherent enough to read announcement so she might as well sing. Start singing bitch.
Whitney Houston: But why should I sing baby. You got any sugar for me. I need to flare up a littles to get in the mood.
Lucifer: I COMMAND YOU TO SING OR I WILL BURN YOU TO A CRISP IN THE FIREY PITS OF HELL!
Whitney Houston: And IIIIIIIIII, IIIIIIIII, Will ALLLWAYYYSSS LOVE CRACK....(A trap door opens and the screeching crack head is dropped into the fiery pits of hell)
Lucifer: Well that's that. I hate bitches that have everything and throw it all away. They remind me of me. I mean I was the most beautiful of God's creations but I got too big for my britches and thought I didn't have to fear him. So he sent me to Hell where I have to hang out with Eleanor Roosevelt and River Fuckin' Phoenix. I mean really. Forcas.
Forcas: Yes my lord!
Lucifer: Get me that Ben Gazzara douche. I want to hear how he used to teabag Gena Rowlands while her husband skull fucked Peter Falk. That always cheers me up.
39 comments:
Hell's gonna be fun.
Favorite line: Lucifer: Listen you dizzy bitch. I ain't no cracker. I have a freaking red skin for crying out loud.
Sorta breaks the color barrier in a way.
Where's AllenS?
I bunch of people are missing him over there.
Of course I'm not telling anyone that he's here. Mum's the word. At least here's where I last saw him
I think he is just busy. Or tired of commenting where people delete him. And my posts don't always interest him.
And my posts don't always interest him.
Funny, that never stopped me. But I'm OCD.
She would go to hell just for her drug issues?
I realize they must have been way out of hand for a while, even if she'd been on the way to cleaning up a bit.
But really, hell?
And my posts don't always interest him.
Funny, that never stopped me.
Or me.
@Ritmo
She would go to hell just for her drug issues?
So I take it that you've not had a druggie in your family. Children are impacted the worst.
Ritmo,
I think everyone goes to Hell except Giants, Yankees and the occasional cheesecake.
Best not to take it personal.
I'm still here. When I don't comment, it's usually because I'm not that versed in the subject matter.
Chick,
I haven't been commenting over there because I'm sure that I rub The Althouse Woman the wrong way. I also don't appreciate the lawn boy's little power trip. You can tell them that if you want to.
Ritmo, you know I am a contrarian and my default position is the opposite of the conventional wisdom. All the crocidile tears and protests of how wonderful Whitney was fall on deaf ears to me. She didn't love her children or her family as much as she loved the pipe.
And just because I put them in hell doesn't mean they are there. They are just characters in a joke. Just sayn'
Although I think Lucifer and Whitney have a lot in common.
They were ednowed by the Creator with vast gifts and talents and they squandered them.
Is it so impossible the that they might end up in the same place?
Now if you told me Bobby Darin went to hell I would be very upset.
Just sayn'
I'm with Troop on this one - I think there is an arrogance in the mind of someone like Whitney thinking that she will be the one person who can handle crack cocaine and it won't have a negative impact on her life. She didn't realize that one needs to be humble. Crack humbled her. Well, crack and handfuls of prescription drugs.
Or maybe she just hated life. That makes her a perfect liberal icon - me me me - it's all about me, damn the children, to hell with family, fuck the paying customers, I want to kill myself slowly and ruin the gifts I was given. Where my crack at, Bobbie?
Seriously, she was one jacked up bitch who didn't even respect her own life enough to try and live it.
Maybe liberals are correct - legalize crack and thin the ranks of the weak-assed druggies. Clearly abortion isn't working fast enough.
I agree with the libs on that one Sixty. Legalize the drugs and let the weak perish. It is sad but true. You should be free to destroy yourself. I can't complain about people trying to control what I eat if I try to stop people from doing drugs. Michelle Obama thinks me eating a donut is worse than Whitney freebasing while her babies cry in their crib. So if a drug addict wants to kill themselves I say let them. It thins the fucking herd.
Darwin was right.
Well about that.
He was wrong about the turtles. Just sayn'
Well, she certainly was a well dressed crack whore, I must say.
Hey Allen, I never let not being well versed in the subject matter stop me, but hey I open myself up to looking like an idiot, but whatever, it's OK. The only one here that has gotten my goat is our dear MamaM and I look on her as some sort of exotic creature to be at once admired and reviled. Maybe I'm not well versed in MamaM.
But that's just me. I like you one and all, everyone one of you adds a distinct flavor to this brew.
I don't know that it's Liberals who want to legalize all drugs, it's those Libertaraians, not us.
Bobby Brown had "issues" before he hooked up with Whitney Houston. She's hardly responsible for his problems. So I hope you're being sarcastic, at least on that point.
Of course, given that you ALWAYS blame the women, I'm not hoping much.
Come on now baby you know you always blame the man. Everybody does. It is never ever the woman's fault.
Here's the thing. Bobby Brown is still alive. He cleaned himself up more or less. He is still a knucklehead but he didn't kill himself now did he? Why do I have to assume that poor pitiful Whitney was led astray by big bad Bobby Brown? Whitney was on the pipe before she met Bobby. It is just easy to blame the man.
Ike Turner died for you sins.
Just sayn'
Come on now baby you know you always blame the man. Everybody does. It is never ever the woman's fault.
No, I don't. No, they don't. Yes, it is.
I don't blame Bobby for Whitney, as I don't blame her for him. Cuts both ways. Only sayin'.
They were both crackheads, probably one as bad an influence as the other. I just hope their daughter escapes that hell.
"...the good name of Bobby Brown..."
At which point all the other fallen angels quit the joint.
I didn't know she had young kids; assumed any she had were grown. My bad.
She had a damn good voice, though. And it's hard for me to see such a famous icon of the Reagan-Bush era fall by the wayside. I don't know why it is, but I was never surprised by Michael Jackson's "self-harm" and ultimate demise, or that of most others. I realize it was hard to ignore her drug issues for the past 15 years or so, but for some reason this one still did come as more of a shock to me. I don't know what it was; her squeaky clean image in the 80s, the power of her voice, her defiance. Most people who do themselves in seem to have at least just the tiniest bit of self-hate or weakness that you can pick up on, but her pipes and attitude were just too strong for me to perceive that she'd let herself go all the way out.
Oh well. Live and learn, I guess.
Trooper York said...
Ike Turner died for you sins.
Ike Turner invented Rock n Roll link
Nope, Ike Turner died for his own sins.
And I didn't even *imply* an analogy between Ike/Bobby and Tina/Whitney, much less between Ike/Tina and Bobby/Whitney. You brought that up all your own selves.
I wouldn't have. But since you did, I'm curious as to why you chose to.
Certainly, Ike Turner contributed to the development of rock 'n' roll. But you display your utter ignorance of music history, much less broader musical history, *IF* you think he "invented" it. (FWIW it's worth, I neither think nor believe that you do.)
Heck, anyone listening to that with even a basic grasp of the scope of threads before that could recognize the references ...
... which he most assuredly did not "invent."
; )
I believe that's Bettie Page in the Ike Turner video I linked but I'm not sure.
Where's Ron? He's the resident Bettie Page expert IIRC.
I suppose you'll tell me next that that's not Bettie Page.:(
But you display your utter ignorance of music history, much less broader musical history, *IF* you think he "invented" it.
That's me rcommal. Utter musical ignorance.
FWIW, I would never level that change against someone I even disliked.
Nope, Ike Turner died for his own sins.
I may have overstated Turner's contributions to RnR but I do know that he died not too far from Oceanside, in Escondido.
Oh and Buffy OD'd just up the hill from our house.
"FWIW, I would never level that change against someone I even disliked."
*IF* + (FWIW it's worth, I neither think nor believe that you do.) means not only did I not do so, chickenlittle, I EXPLICITLY made it clear--at the time--that I. was. not. doing. so.
***
I guess what I should take from all of this is that there can be no conditionals.There's black&white,this'r'that,of'r'not&that's&that'sall. (Hauntingly familiar.)
OK. Fair enough. Got it.
(Sheesh. It's like 2008 and then 2010 all over again.)
2006, too--but I was too stupid then to even anticipate it (though, it's true, even then I ought to have known better).
As opposed to at me.
It's My Life. :)
Post a Comment