Marilyn's Diary

My Aunt Lily always loved me. She took me in when my parents died in that unfortunate incident back home with the peasants and the pitchforks and stuff. She insisted I come to Southern California and live with her and Grandpa and my Uncle Herman.

Aunt Lily always asked me how I was doing and if I was dating anyone. She would try to fix me up with someone all the time. The guy in the bank. One of little Eddie's teachers. Even the bag boy in the market.

One day she decided to set me up with a celebrity. She used to go to the same beauty parlor as Harriett Nelson. You see Harriett had the same green skin. So they put their scabby heads together and they set me up with Harriett's son Ricky. He wanted to take me to a garden party but that wasn't my idea of fun. He said a lot of famous people would be there. There was this guy named Dylan and a John and a Yoko whatever that might be. But I didn't want to go so we just went out for coffee.

It was a terrible date and I think I taught him a lesson. Just because he was a famous TV star didn't mean I had to put out. And I think he learned his lesson well. He couldn't please everybody so he had to go home and please himself.

I didn't care. I had Uncle Herman to please me. And he did. Everynight. You see Uncle Herman always had a party. In his pants.